Ultima Lucha Dos Part 2: It's Time
You remember how Ultima Lucha Dos’ Part One was a pretty decent start to the Grand Papi of Them All? Well you’ll be surprised to know that Part Two was so good that not even two Dr. Wagner Jr. debuts would have equaled its greatness. Alright maybe that’s a step too far but seriously; tonight Lucha Underground delivered the goods you’d expect them to deliver. Smartly we only got two matches tonight, both which were amazing in their own way which wouldn’t have happened if another match was crammed in. More surprising was that we finally got some backstage shenanigans for the first time since Ultima Lucha Dos started, with a development that has left me filled to the brim with a feeling of self loathing and depression. I finally know how Tony Schiavone and the gang felt when Hogan dropped the leg on Savage! But enough about childhood traumas, let’s get down to business. Moses, prepare the battlefield for MEMES!
7 Way Match for the Gift of the Gods Championship
Sexy Star defeated Mariposa, Marty “The Moth” Martinez, Killshot, Night Claw, Daga and Sinestro de la Muerte
Let the record show that I came into this match (along with many others) saying that this seven way match for the Gift of the Gods title would be among the weaker of three we’ve seen thus far. I haven’t turned out to be so wrong since I declared the NBA Finals over after Game 4! The tone for this match turning out differently than expected was set when Melissa Santos announced this would be an elimination match as opposed to a one fall match like the last two seven ways were. The extra time given from that addition turned this match from a potentially good match into (at least for me) a strong Match of the Year contender. It was that good; like the scene where Sonny Corleone gets put down good!
The brilliance of this match was the fact that it was split into two captivating parts. The first part was all action; we had the Moths, Killshot and Sexy working on the outside (which made sense considering the respective rivalries between them) while Daga, Night Claw and Sinestro carried the action in ring. To say it was tight would be an understatement; Sinestro continued to show he was better than his Disciples of Death run portrayed him to be and once he was eliminated (via a Night Claw Spanish Fly) Daga and Night Claw just took off. There was some Grade A chemistry between these two as they just delivered the punishment, whether it was via breathtaking dives or some devastating strikes. Hell Night Claw managed to top Angelico by hitting a perfect moonsault OFF OF EL JEFE’S ROOF, which was so amazing I still can’t quite believe it happened. He and Daga (who was the sharpest he’s been in the Temple since his underrated classic with Texano) may not have made it to the end, but both of these guys were very much the MVP’s of the bout. Well done to them both!
As the heard thinned out though, with Daga going out following a Night Claw Phoenix Splash (Kobra Moon, who was there but surprisingly didn’t interfere, was left to sob in disbelief at her “man’s” defeat) and Night Claw being put down by Killshot, the match shifted from being action packed into story based. We had the Moths against Killshot and Sexy, and to the shock of no one the Moth’s were able to eventually double up on Killshot and take him out after a Mariposa Butterfly Effect. I can see some people being upset there, but Sexy has been held down and tormented by the Moth’s since last year’s Ultima Lucha and ultimately it was the right call to go with her going up against them both while Killshot (who was quietly great in this match too) was sent off to wait his turn another time. In the end Sexy was able to overcome them both, first by taking advantage of a missed knockout blow by Marty that nailed his sister and then by just outwrestling Marty to submit him via the same armbar that forced his sister to scream No Mas months ago. I would’ve liked to have seen a little more build up and maybe even the sequel to Sexy’s “FUCK YOU MARIPOSA” moment before we got the finish, but overall Sexy played the role well as usual, Marty was amazing in getting the crowd to hate him (there were legit “KILL THE MOTH” chants) and they combined to deliver a finish the Temple wanted. Well most of the people; I’m sure there will be some that don’t enjoy Sexy’s victory. For me though it made sense considering the journey she took this year and it was a big moment considering Sexy is the first female to hold a singles title in Lucha Underground. A fitting ending to an absolute barnburner of a match. I wasn’t lying when I said it could be Match of the Year; it was that epic.
Cisco Wears a Wire
Finally; our first backstage scene of Ultima Lucha Dos! Who knew it would take till part two before we got to it? In the least shocking moment of the century, this scene belonged to the Undercover Luchadors and Cisco, as they prepared to put a wire on him in order to nail El Jefe for all his numerous illegal exploits. Cisco naturally was hesitant about this (more so when Joey Ryan continued to put him down), but reassurances from his old pal Cortes Castro ultimately convinced Cisco to do this. In hindsight; really poor decision to do that Cisco. But I’ve said too much for now; we’ll get to that soon, right after I’ve stopped the tears from flowing out of my eyes! DAMMIT I NEARLY SAID TOO MUCH AGAIN!
Death Match
Mil Muertes defeated King Cuerno
First off, did I hear new music for good ole Deer Antlers at the beginning? Maybe I never noticed it before but that music sounded different for King Cuerno and it sounded bad ass. As well it should’ve considering he was weighed, measured and broken more than a Seether song featuring Amy Lee.
Seriously girls and boys, it was that bad for Deer Antlers here. Not to say he didn’t get any offense in; in fact there were many stretches of this match where Cuerno not only hung in there with the former Immortan Mil Muertes but was dominant. That Arrow of Death he hit on Mil that sent Mil into the stands? Awesome. Ditto for that plancha from the crowd too. In the end though, for all of Cuerno’s awesome feats, it wasn’t enough to keep Mil Muertes back, who pretty much went after Deer Antlers with the force of ten thousand nuclear weapons throughout this whole bout. He took poor Cuerno everywhere; the stands, the place where the band usually plays (poor ECNO, the house band on this show and the subject of a Rudo Can’t Fail article coming up!), the top of the steps, hell (just kidding. Or am I?!). This was a match that was rightfully designed for Mil to get his revenge on Cuerno for mounting him on his wall following his Grave Consequences loss to Matanza, and he did just that. And my goodness did he do it with a statement. The final sequence of this match was as follows; Cuerno getting speared through a table after he tried to take out Catrina (BIG MISTAKE DUDE!), followed by Mil powerbombing him through THREE separate tables, nailing him with a crowbar and tombstoning him for the win. On one hand I can see some Cuerno fans having a problem with their dude getting destroyed here. On the other, the story called for this to happen and Cuerno managed to look strong because, let me repeat, Mil needed to put him through THREE TABLES, hit him with a crowbar and tombstone him just to win. I’d say that makes Cuerno look pretty bad ass in the end. Ultimately I think this helped both guys in the long run, especially when you consider the match was brutal and bonkers. I may have liked the first match a bit more (I can’t believe it either), but this was still excellent and I’m willing to bet this was the Match of the Night and possibly the Match of Ultima Lucha Dos for a lot of people when it all ends.
Who Needs Medication Anyway?
Let’s be honest folks; we’ve known for awhile now that Vampiro hasn’t been on the up and up about taking his medication. Why else would he be seen torturing Pentagon Jr. like he was Jack Bauer? In case it wasn’t already clear where Vampiro’s mind was at though, Lucha Underground put it to bed once and for all when Vamp, prompted by Striker asking him about his relationship with Pentagon going into the Matanza mask, threw all his pills into the trash and announced he was off to train his protégé. Hmm; I wonder if Vamp is going to be involved in the main event next week!
Cisco We Hardly Knew Ye
Here we are folks; the saddest moment wrestling has seen in 2016. Armed with his wire and with the Undercover Luchadors listening in, Cisco entered El Jefe’s office under the pretext of trying to see what Dario was planning. Not a bad plan; the only problem is that THIS IS EL JEFE! Does anyone really expect that someone has diabolical and cunning as Dario Cueto isn’t going to sniff out a plan to set him up? Of course not, which meant it was no surprise when El Jefe figured out that Cisco was wearing a wire and terminated any hope of the Undercover Luchadors getting the evidence they needed. What was surprising was that El Jefe wasn’t done. After destroying the wire, Dario asked Cisco if the cops were trying to nail him for murder. When Cisco responded that he didn’t know, El Jefe then proceeded to seemingly BEAT CISCO TO DEATH WITH THE RED BULL! You heard that right folks; while it was stated outright, it sure as hell seems like Cisco is dead at the hands of El Jefe. First off, NO!!!!!!!!!!! Second off, DAMMIT ALL!!!! Thirdly, I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH FOR THIS EL JEFE! I mean it was bad enough that Bael got slaughtered at the hands of Matanza, but CISCO?! The man had come so far to impress everyone this season and looked poised for a bright future. Hell I even wrote in the latest Rudo Can’t Fail about how much he had going for him! This better be a fake out that sees him still alive next week or I’m going to be more depressed than that time France beat Ireland in the Euro. The lone bright spot; at least we’re finally going to find out who the lord is next week. Who else could that be that El Jefe was calling at the end? It’s either Councilman Delgado or the lord, and either way all signs lead to the lord debuting next week in some form. God help us all; especially Cisco. DON’T YOU DIE ON ME MAN!
And with that I’m off to throw some more ice water on myself! I’ll be back later with…something. The overlord that now watches over King Cuerno’s soul only knows. Till next time, seriously Cisco don’t die! I’m not ready to turn into Troy Barnes from that one Community episode!
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