Angry Zombie | Fashion Modeling How-To

Have you ever wondered why you don't look quite as good in your clothing as a high fashion model does? Some people will tell you its because you haven't been starving yourself for the last ten years and you don't have the benefit of an experienced hair, make up and most importantly, lighting team. But they're wrong. Dead wrong. They're so wrong you should push them out of bed if they happen to be in one. If they're not in one, you should follow them around until they are and then push them out of bed. Because what really makes high fashion look so darned good is the fact that the models know how to hold their high fashion bodies.

Fashion poses carry no resemblance to movements you'd actually make with your body in every day life. Why? Because everyday life is dull and boring and prosaic and so yesterday. High fashion models hold their bodies in ways that make the clothes look good, even if it means they're incredibly vulnerable in the wild.

Take this pose for example, this was the pose that spawned this article series, not because it is extreme, but because it is so subtle. In this pose, the model scrunches her hands up to her waist and leans forward ever so slightly in a way that suggests 'undead harridan housewife'. But instead of lifting her shoulders as we mortal women do when angry, thus making ourselves look like raging bulls at Pamplona, she keeps them lowered, so that the bends of her arms form pleasing isosceles triangles.

She also appears to be bending forward ever so slightly at the waist in a way that makes her look as if she's standing on an invisible tilted platform. Invisible tilted platforms are very 'in' in fashion, they add a contrasting asymmetry to the symmetry that is a model's face.

What I also like about this picture is the fact that the model is demonstrating that the most flattering look for pallid complexions is the 'undead zombie' look. Her lifeless eyes and cold lips really evoke the horror of the grave in the viewer, which reflects the skull/storm-trooper motif cleverly woven into the 'floral' top.

So next time the significant other in your life does something you don't approve of, remember to look high fashion in your response. Don't arch your back in a rounded fashion like an angry Igor, keep your back straight, your shoulders back, your arms at the 3 and 9 isosceles position and let your mascara rimmed icy glare do the talking.

If they don't back down, eat their brains.

(Model featured in UK's Look Magazine.)

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