Fashion Dos and Don'ts for Knife-Wielding Crazies

Please! Let us bring an end to fashion-knife faux pas.
Please! Let us bring an end to fashion-knife faux pas.

Be Informed - Accessorize Correctly With Sharp Objects

Gentle Readers,

As of late, I have been alarmed by the dearth of fashion tutorials and guides online regarding the use of knives as accessories.  This lack of education has led to a preponderance of bad taste in the knife accessory department.  

In a noble effort to handle this egregious situation, I shall list some simple fashion dos and don'ts when it comes to accessorizing with knives.  It is my sincerest hope that you and your loved ones find this guide to be of use.   Perhaps someday our children can live in a world where people do not insult our better taste with their horrid taste in blade display.

DON'T strut about with oversized knives.  That is SO last century.
DON'T strut about with oversized knives. That is SO last century.

Knife Accessorizing DON'Ts

When completing an elegant ensemble with a knife...

  • DON'T use a kitchen knife - this is the equivalent to wearing underwear to the beach instead of a swimsuit
  • DON'T utilize oversize knives - they're just not practical... though they are rather fun...
  • DON'T select even medium-sized knife accessories unless they have a sheaf or stylish cover - they wreak havoc on expensive clothing and designer purses
  • DON'T use vintage knives unless they go with your outfit
  • DON'T accessorize with trick knives unless you know how to use them without looking like an inept fool

DO go with something small, subtle, and attractive. Shiny is always a bonus!
DO go with something small, subtle, and attractive. Shiny is always a bonus!

Knife Accessorizing DOs

When accessorizing with a knife...

  • DO select something relatively small - this is more elegant and practical in our modern society
  • DO choose a knife with an attractive handle
  • DO accessorize with a functional knife that is easy to flip open
  • DO select a knife that has attractive functionality - such as a switchblade - but does not require special skill
  • DO utilize knives that have holes for cell phone charms- these add feminine playfulness and the potential for branded flare

The Gist

Perhaps the greatest reason why the vast majority of knife accessorizers out there today don't know how to accessorize correctly is because they do not have contemporary conceptions of these implements.

Too many of us are stuck with old-fashioned ideas of knife accessorizing.  Instead of considering knives within the context of contemporary culture, we think back to battlefields and war zones. These scenarios are obsolete- at least in most developed countries. In an urban environment, large, brash blades are terribly gauche.

The key to tasteful knife accessorizing is simple, elegant subtlety.  Keep it simple. Keep it small.  And keep it cute... but keep an edge.

So please- be more thoughtful the next time you select a knife for a glitzy night on the town. You owe it to yourself and society to exhibit the manners and class that are no doubt emanating from the core of your being.

Make it work, knife-baring fashionistas. Make it work.

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Comments 30 comments

susanlang profile image

susanlang 6 years ago

OK.. now go do some stand up on Jay Leno! By the way...is that you on youtube? Love the hat!


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Hahaa, I wanted to try doing one of those makeup tutorial YouTube videos... but I SUCK at makeup so... well, this was all I had!


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Oh! And thanks! Someone on Etsy made the hat... I can't remember who it was, but Etsy is great for that stuff! I want to buy more but don't have anywhere to put them O_O


equealla profile image

equealla 6 years ago from Pretoria, South Africa

Big knives might be of use if you go to the more dangerous areas in SA, I suppose. But I must admit, I think we are again a bit behind of the time. Haven't heard of this fashion accesory yet. Perhaps not a good idea for a country with a crime statistic like ours!


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Perhaps not a good idea for much of anywhere, really! Hahaa- I stopped carrying knives on me after living in DC for too long and getting too many confiscated by security personnel T_____T


Simple Tim profile image

Simple Tim 6 years ago

Great advice for any Edward Scissorhands costumes this halloween!


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Hahaa!!!


Garrett Mickley profile image

Garrett Mickley 6 years ago from Jupiter, Florida

It's illegal to carry butterfly knives and switchblades in South Florida =(


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Crying shame, that is. T_______T


Garrett Mickley profile image

Garrett Mickley 6 years ago from Jupiter, Florida

It truly is. No gay marriage, no cool knives, no free elephant parking. What reason is there to even live in this state?


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Theme parks. Crazy, wacky theme parks.


Garrett Mickley profile image

Garrett Mickley 6 years ago from Jupiter, Florida

We do have those. The Wizarding World of Harry Potter!


Whitney05 profile image

Whitney05 6 years ago from Georgia

Your video on here has 0:00. I had to go to youtube to watch it.


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Curiouser and curiouser! It plays fine for me on Chrome and I've got embedding enabled via the YouTube video. What browser are you using?


Whitney05 profile image

Whitney05 6 years ago from Georgia

Firefox.. I see 5:15 now.


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Ah! Must have just been a wonky loading thing. Thanks for pointing that out though! If our video capsule is being buggy, it's good to know so we can fix that!


waynet profile image

waynet 6 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

You are so cool....and er nice knife collection...that's not a knife...this is a knife!!


Haunty profile image

Haunty 6 years ago from Hungary

Seriously. And what about guys? If women are running around "accessorizing" with KNIVES!!! this century, what are we poor guys to do to match this kind of fashion?

Hey, maybe it's battle-axes, right? :D


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

EXACTLY.


Om Paramapoonya profile image

Om Paramapoonya 6 years ago

When I was a teenager, I used to carry a ninja star. Pretty cool but not at all practical. lol Anyway, I really liked the video as well as your hat! :)


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Hehee! Thanks!

Ninja stars are so cool!! Back when I was in high school, I found a throwing spike and carried it around for a while- now it makes for a lovely letter opener!


Betty Reid profile image

Betty Reid 6 years ago from Texas

Gosh, I only carry pepper spray, and I didn't even attach charms to it.


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Hehee- I could never get my hands on pepper spray. I've found that carrying around a large frying pan does a pretty good job at keeping people away though- it's quite funny!


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

And how about rolling pins? Large old fashioned well used rolling pins? I suppose ribbons could be tied on each end to make them more attractive. Could even color co-ordinate the ribbons to match what one was wearing. Now that you have the knife accessory tutorial so well worked out...can you move on to rolling pins, large cast iron frying pans, or perhaps baseball bats as accessories? Perhaps they need to be miniaturized like your cute little knife first? Will look forward to your suggestions with bated breath!


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

I LIKE it, Peggy W!!! Now, I only have two rolling pins at the moment, but I'll start building up a stylish collection- it'll be grand!


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

Might wish to skip the marble rolling pins unless one is interested in building up ones muscles while going about daily activities. There's a thought! Combining exercise, accessories (like rolling pins) and fashion. Will look forward to the next tutorial! :-)


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

BRILLIANT!! Style and fitness in one!! I'm ON it!!


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Thanks! I was thinking guns next, but we'll see :D


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco Author

Eeeeh, the whole fallout chic thing got a bit overblown around 2006, so I'll leave it alone for a while ;)


melodyandes profile image

melodyandes 5 years ago

I worry about that if I got that one.

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