Fashion Dos and Don'ts for Knife-Wielding Crazies

Gentle Readers,

As of late, I have been alarmed by the dearth of fashion tutorials and guides online regarding the use of knives as accessories.  This lack of education has led to a preponderance of bad taste in the knife accessory department.  

In a noble effort to handle this egregious situation, I shall list some simple fashion dos and don'ts when it comes to accessorizing with knives.  It is my sincerest hope that you and your loved ones find this guide to be of use.   Perhaps someday our children can live in a world where people do not insult our better taste with their horrid taste in blade display.

When completing an elegant ensemble with a knife...

• DON'T use a kitchen knife - this is the equivalent to wearing underwear to the beach instead of a swimsuit
• DON'T utilize oversize knives - they're just not practical... though they are rather fun...
• DON'T select even medium-sized knife accessories unless they have a sheaf or stylish cover - they wreak havoc on expensive clothing and designer purses
• DON'T use vintage knives unless they go with your outfit
• DON'T accessorize with trick knives unless you know how to use them without looking like an inept fool

When accessorizing with a knife...

• DO select something relatively small - this is more elegant and practical in our modern society
• DO choose a knife with an attractive handle
• DO accessorize with a functional knife that is easy to flip open
• DO select a knife that has attractive functionality - such as a switchblade - but does not require special skill
• DO utilize knives that have holes for cell phone charms- these add feminine playfulness and the potential for branded flare

Perhaps the greatest reason why the vast majority of knife accessorizers out there today don't know how to accessorize correctly is because they do not have contemporary conceptions of these implements.

Too many of us are stuck with old-fashioned ideas of knife accessorizing.  Instead of considering knives within the context of contemporary culture, we think back to battlefields and war zones. These scenarios are obsolete- at least in most developed countries. In an urban environment, large, brash blades are terribly gauche.

The key to tasteful knife accessorizing is simple, elegant subtlety.  Keep it simple. Keep it small.  And keep it cute... but keep an edge.

So please- be more thoughtful the next time you select a knife for a glitzy night on the town. You owe it to yourself and society to exhibit the manners and class that are no doubt emanating from the core of your being.

Make it work, knife-baring fashionistas. Make it work.