How To Wear A Meat Dress

MARK RALSTON/AFP/Getty Images
MARK RALSTON/AFP/Getty Images

At the 2010 MTV VMAs (that's the Music Television Video Music Awards, for those of you who don't speak fluent acronym), Lady Gaga made waves when she wore a pretty asymmetrically cut meat dress with a cowl neck, matched with meat beret and a lovely little boxy meat purse.

This is an exciting time for an industry that has been looking for the next big thing in fabric choices. For many millenia, meat has been overlooked as a potential garment because of issues like decomposition and general tastiness, but now that we live in a world where plastic can literally be sprayed onto anything remotely organic, meat may very well be the way forward for a world hungry for new fashion.

Of course, PETA doesn't like the trend, but PETA very rarely likes anything. If PETA had their way, we'd never have discovered the art of cooking tasty tasty meat back in caveman days and remained a gatherer species, crouching in damp caves and chewing at ears of husky dry corn. The dog would never have been domesticated, neither would cats, and we'd all have died from the common cold or breaking our ankles by the age of 30.

Ingrid Newkirk, PETA's favorite twisted spinster extraordanaire had this to say about the outfit (I don't actually know if she's a spinster in real life or not, but her attitude is so puckered and generally terrible that she's certainly a spinster in spirit): "Meat is the decomposing flesh of an abused animal who didn't want to die, and after being under the TV lights, it would smell like the rotting flesh that it is and likely be crawling with maggots."

Oh Ingrid, you whimsical wee twit, thank you for informing us of the fact that meat is the flesh of animals, and for also taking poetic license by deciding that maggots must surely be infesting the dress, which looks fairly maggot free in all the high resolution images which were snapped. 

Bitter animal activists (who have more blood on their hands than the average butcher if tales of rampant pet killing by PETA are to be believed) aside, the meat dress was an undeniable hit at the music awards, and could very well be the next big thing on main street.

Consider meat next time you have a formal occasion to attend, like an office party, or perhaps a family gathering. Every party needs a conversation piece, and it may as well be you. Team your meat dress up with appropriate accessories like bacon earrings, sirloin slippers and steak stockings.

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