Fedora Hats Are Rarely Sexy

Indiana Jones: A rare, sexy exception!
Indiana Jones: A rare, sexy exception!

Gawd, can we please put the Fedora back in the 40’s where they belong? The odds are very much against your looking sexy in one of these. They come in a ton of styles, and maybe 2 look good – and I’m not telling you which, cos I don’t want to encourage you to run out and get one!

The truth is, 99% of all white men look ridiculous in these. And I do mean ridiculous. We’re talking the equivalent sex appeal of maybe Ed Norton from The Honeymooners. Sorry, I’m not trying to be racist, or anything, they just usually don’t look right on whitey.

They sometimes look good on black men, but only those who can really pull off the well-dressed gangster look, or old blues musicians. And the men these look the best on – Cubans and other Latinos – don’t always look sexy in them, either. Take a look at the following Hollywood celebs and tell me if you really think these hats look good!

Most people regard Jude Law as being extremely good looking. I've always found him a bit feminine for my taste, but I certainly see the appeal. Except for when he's wearing one of those ridiculous hats. For starters, it's too far back on his head, and makes him look very geeky. Also, notice the shape of his shoulders - they aren't straight across, but rather a bit angled. Now look at the brim of his hat; almost perfectly horizontal. This isn't something you would consciously notice while looking at him, but the odd contrast will affect your perception, even if only subconsciously. Now look at the picture below, where the man really does look sexy, hawt and masculine. Do you think he'd still look that good if he was wearing that silly hat?

A Very Sexy Jude Law

Justin Timberlake is not my type either, but sometimes he looks pretty hot. The rest of the time he looks like a teenager. Take that photo of him in that hat, there. He looks like some suburban kid from the 80's, trying hard to make like Run DMC. This hat has the same problems as the one Jude Law's wearing. It's just not sexy, and the contrasting rim color just makes it stand out even more. There is nothing mature or sexy about this style, and if I didn't know better, I'd guess he was about 17 years old. Now look at that pic below. That's a sexy, mature looking young man. (I have to say "young man" cos he's too babyfaced to pass for a man, yet!) But he looks fantastic in that photo. How do you think he'd look with that silly hat on?

A Very Sexy Justin Timberlake

Do you even recognize Colin Farrell in that photo with the hat? Hard to believe it's him. He looks about 20 years older than he really is, and also looks like he belongs in a detective agency somewhere. It's the gray, really. Gray is the color of the beta male. Nothing masculine there, folks. The hat style itself isn't so bad, but there it's a little too high - an inch or two less would be much better. But even so, there is nothing sexy with this look! Now look at the pic below.. that's a sexy pic, right? How sexy do you think he'd be if you put that hat on him, hmm? I'd guess not very!

A Very Sexy Colin Farrell

No idea who this man is, but he's HOT.
No idea who this man is, but he's HOT.

A Sexy Exception

Ok, I don't know who this man is, but he looks damned fine in his little hat. I'm also not sure if he's hispanic or not. If he's white, he's an exception! Notice he, too, has slanted shoulders - but the hat is also angled and almost matches the slant? This makes your subconscious reckon it's a good match. And, it is. Also notice the material; straw with a nice stylish (but not overdone) design. And the rim is perfect, the way it covers just enough of his face to give him an edge, but not so severely he looks like a mobster. Also notice his shirt goes with this - it's a summer look, you wouldn't wear this in the winter. This is the stuff Cuban men look so fine in. Most white men wearing these are likely to look they belong on a shuffleboard deck! Of course, if you do hang out on the suffleboard deck, these will probably look alright.

The Blues Brothers.
The Blues Brothers.

The Blues Brothers

Now, Jake and Elwood looked cool in their hats. They still do. But this does not mean they looked sexy. This is a look a lot of white blues and jazz musicians try to pull off - honestly, I would seriously not want to share a stage with anyone trying that hard to look cool. I guess the idea came from The Blues Brothers movie.. but even if it was cool during those days.. those days were half a century ago! Wear the hat if you must, just don't expect to the chicks to flock stageside!

Honestly, I know a lot of men equate these hats with manliness. Sometimes they help in that regard - but usually not. If you do get one of these, try on several styles and take your woman with you for advice.

xx Isabella

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