Silly Bandz: A Silly Time will be had by All

When the history of fashion is written, at the very bottom of the last page will be a tiny addendum. This minuscule afterthought will contain a passing mention of Silly Bandz. Perhaps one or two brief sentences will be given over to the megatrend in adolescent wrist wear known as Silly Bands, Silly Bandz, or any other combination of the word Silly and a phonetic spelling of the plural version of the word bands. (When products are brought to market as quickly as these little bracelets, little thought is given to intellectual property rights or trademarks.)

A self-respecting middle schooler faces social disaster without Silly Bandz. Every middle-class wrist in every English-speaking school in the United States is wrapped in colorful outlines of princess accessories, farm animals, sports equipment, computer equipment, block letters, jungle animals, DNA strands, algebra equations, sea creatures, sports heroes, and Justin Bieber profiles. Stretchy bling rules the day, and also the cafeteria. Expect a dress code modification as school officials struggle to remove fun from education.

These colorful silicone accouterments provide an outlet for the spare change left over after purchasing this weeks Justin Bieber download. The stuff is absurdly cheap; give it a few weeks and it will be nearly free, as the trends shift like ocean sand at high tide. In the not too distant future Silly Bandz will appear on the junque heap of fashion sense along with Mighty Beanz and Pinto Beanz. Get 'em while you can; next week no one will know what you're talking about.

Evidently invented by an inventive inventor with a penchant for preserving office supplies, Silly Bandz were intended to stop humans from discarding rubber bands. Too many times our hero of costume jewelry noted piles of discarded stretchy circles outgassing behind Fortune 500 companies. He surmised that colorful and recognizable shapes might give new life to items otherwise discarded without a second thought. Manufacturers of traditional rubber bands schemed to drive him out of business; he responded by leveraging a market they never considered. He attached his trinkets to the wrists of folks with no intention of setting foot in an office environment, save for bring your daughter to work day. It worked. Silly Bandz have taken over kiosks and Claire's from coast to coast.

• Wear on left wrist.
• Wear on right wrist.
• Wear on both wrists.
  
• Wear on left foot or right foot, but not at the same time.
• Apply to kitchen junque drawer: group similar objects into easily manageable clumps.
• Apply to home office: build softball sized mass of Silly Bandz as a conversation piece.
  

This article should not be construed as an endorsement of any specific brand or silicone wrist wear from any specific manufacturer. Whether purchased at the gas station out by the expressway, the flea market down by the river, or in the back of the elementary school playground, all Silly Bandz are downright silly.

Do not give Silly Bandz to animals. The preceding photos are for entertainment purposes only.