Stories From Behind the Chair Part 4-The Monkey

Just Another Work Day

Since I have been here on Hubpages, I have made quite a few friends, people whom I respect, and who are kind enough to read and comment on my hubs. I have been known during these months to stick my foot in my mouth a couple times, so it shouldn’t come to anyone’s surprise that this has happened to me in the past. After all I am 46 years old and have a history of shenanigans’ and often times it has gotten me into trouble. Sometimes I do this on purpose and sometimes I am unaware that I am sticking my foot in it again, regardless I would like to share with you one of those moments where I did it again but this time I had not a clue and it went way over my head to the laughs and guffaws of everyone around me. I guess you could say that this was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me in public, and believe me folks there have been plenty of moments in my life where I have been embarrassed, but this one takes the Academy award for stupidity at my expense of course. Get ready to laugh (at me).

Just Another Day in the Salon

Open mouth and insert foot

It was another busy day in the hair salon business and to say we had a full house would be understating the case as it was actually standing room only. It seemed everyone had back to back appointments and there were so many walk-ins coming into the salon that it was hard to make room for them. I had people calling in sick as usual, I mean I love hairstylists, but when they are very young and it is the weekend, getting to work on time or at all is not on their priority list. So I had a couple of girls that were MIA and a guy named Jeremy who was having husband troubles…..I wanted to just throw in the towel and go MIA myself, but of course being the manager, I couldn’t do that. So I stuck it out and prayed to the hair Gods that things would improve as the day rolled on. Then of course the stereo system broke in the middle of all the ruckus and it is actually annoying because the music is what gives us energy while we work and it keeps the momentum going, plus people can have conversations without the whole salon hearing you. Well not today.

Monkey Business

One of my regular guys came in for a haircut and as I proceeded to cut his hair we went into our usual banter of how are you and how have you been? Then he started to tell me that his girlfriend had given him an unusual gift for his birthday. His girlfriend gave him a monkey as a gift. Hmmm I thought that is unusual. And we proceeded to talk about this monkey of his and that he hadn’t named the monkey yet as he was not getting too attached to it because he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to keep it yet, apparently because of the rules of his apartment complex. But he seemed pretty excited about ahem, his monkey and I just jumped in head first as I was enthralled with his monkey story. He proceeded to tell me that he was trying to train his monkey because his monkey was a little out of control at times and starts to tear things up around the house. At this point there are a few people that seem to be interested in our conversation and you could probably have heard a pin drop while we were talking. My client started to tell me that he and his girlfriend had gone out for a while the other day and when they came back, his monkey had ripped his sofa to shreds. He said that he had consulted a person that trains monkeys for a living.

Not this kind of Monkey.
Not this kind of Monkey.
Unfortunately it was this kind.
Unfortunately it was this kind.

Too Funny!

The Horror Began

In all my wisdom, I said, “Do you discipline your monkey, maybe that is all he needs”? He answered me with a chuckle and I assume he knew where this was going although I was oblivious to the situation and then I said it.

Hey do you SPANK YOUR MONKEY? I saw that his face got really red and I could see in the mirror that he was holding it in and about to explode and I heard people around me chuckling and laughing and I had no clue as to what was going on. One other stylist looked at me and kind of tried to warn me by shaking her head no, no, no. But of course I kept on with my questions, and I said, “Seriously, have you SPANKED THE MONKEY LATELY? I’m sure that a monkey is probably like a child and you probably have to SPANK IT, every now and then. At this point I thought that the guy was gonna lose it. He looked at me and he broke out into a full out milk spilling out of your nose laugh and everyone else in the salon followed suite. I looked around and said, “WHAT”? I didn’t get it and I didn’t get it for AWHILE. Then one of my fellow workers came up to me and whispered in my ear, and life as I knew it was over……I thought I would black out from embarrassment and I wanted to die right there and then. My face could not have gotten any redder and it was hard to finish what I was doing because all eyes were on me and I was so nervous and felt so STUPID!!! I don’t know how I got through that terrible day but after that anytime the mention of a monkey, or a spanking or heaven forbid someone talked about the zoo, everyone would look at me and laugh, yea my fellow hairdressers made fun of me every chance they got. And then when I was a little cranky they would advice me to go home and SPANK MY MONKEY!!! Oh well once again, my fault.

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Comments 19 comments

passonno73 profile image

passonno73 6 years ago

OMG! I knew where it was going and all I can say is that was hilarious!We've all had our "My face was so red" moments! Most of us normal folks anyhow. Great Hub!


Sandyspider profile image

Sandyspider 6 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

Great hilarious story.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

passonoo73 OMG is right I was mortified and boy was my face red. Cheers.

Sandyspider good to see you and thanks for reading. Cheers.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

Lady Jane, too funny.... I'm a Marine and we have been rated as rude, crude, and socially unacceptable since at least 1944 when then president Roosevelt's wife, Elinore said, "they have the lowest morals, the highest moral, the cleanest bodies and filthiest minds of any animal on the planet, thank God for the US Marines". It was a fantastically accurate description of the lot of us and I don't know any true Marine who wouldn't smile at hearing it repeated. It's a good thing there wasn't 2 or more of us there or you might of had to go home sick. We never would have left that conversation go to waste. I can think of several in the gutter responses that I'll spare you and others reading, but I have to say this will be repeated through out the week I'm sure. uuummm foot, best served with ketchup. All I can say is been there done that but never been embarrassed, thanks for the laugh, it totally made my day, 50


loriamoore 6 years ago

Oh how funny! Sounds like something I would do.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Oh, pore baby, I really do feel your pain. I once opened my mouth and stuck both feet in so I know exactly what you must have felt and what you went through. I'll tell you about my "heart" story one day when we get to know each other better.

I'm still laughing.


M Selvey, MSc profile image

M Selvey, MSc 6 years ago from United Kingdom

This reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I was very naive as I was raised in a very strict household. So, I was not aware of many of the slang terms and jokes that many of my peers were. I got a job working in a pizza parlour. One night the swim team from the local university came in. That same night, there was a phone call for a guest who was having pizza in the restaurant. The caller said he was a German man and did not speak very good English. His name was Mr. Meihoff, pronounced "Meehoff". And, just before I went to announce in the loud speaker that there was a phone call for a Mr. Meihoff, the caller said, his first name is Jack. When I announced that there was a telephone call for Jack Meihoff, the roar of laughter in the restaurant could be heard for miles. The sad thing is that I still did not know what it meant!!! My boyfriend, who also worked at the restaurant had to explain it to me - and, it was never forgotten.

You poor thing! What a fun story and it will give you something to remember and laugh about for years to come! :-)


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

I hate to admit that I had to ask a friend what your hub meant. I had never heard that expression before. Now I am laughing , but I feel SO stupid!


amillar profile image

amillar 6 years ago from Scotland, UK

It just proves that you're a clean living, innocent lass.


Tammy Lochmann profile image

Tammy Lochmann 6 years ago

Thank you so much for that I needed it today...Tammy


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

@50 Caliber thanks for reading and I know all about Marines so you need not go there lol. And Im sure that you have heard and done it all, glad you enjoyed my embarrasing moment. Cheers.

@loriamoore judging from your hubs and writings you probably would because you are innocent at heart. Thanks for reading. Cheers.

@drbj dont feel too sorry for me as you know about the De greek incident, you know that I sometimes bring it on myself but this time I was so enthralled with the monkey story that I wasn't thinking right. And I really wanna hear that heart story. Cheers.

@M Selvey MSc that my dear is tooo funny! It reminds me of another story of a check we once recieved from a customer that had us in stitches because after the customer left we realized that the name on her check was Anita Dick. Hand to God. Cheers.

@mysterylady dont feel stupid we have all done it. Just proves that you dont have a filthy mind. Cheers.

@amillar good to see you. I know your intentions are good but I don't know about that! LOL Cheers.

@Tammy good to see you, glad it helped you out today. Cheers.


flying dutchess 6 years ago from Nigeria

am still laughing


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

thanks flying dutchess and Im still embarassed lol. Cheers.


rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago

Oh my goodness , how funny ladyjane. I couldn't stop laughing. So innocent ,but yet so hilarious. You are very witty and very clever.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks rose for the compliment but sometimes Im an idiot. thanks for reading. Cheers.


Whidbeywriter profile image

Whidbeywriter 6 years ago from Oak Harbor on Whidbey Island, Washington

This was so funny.....I can just picture that too....thanks for making me laugh today especially. Cheers to you!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

Hey, LJ...it's your politically incorrect little buddy with some advice. After reading this, let me suggest that should you have a mule trainer come in for a coif, please don't ask him if "he ever lopes his mule"...that'll get 'em rolling in the aisle as well! Thanks for a good giggle! WB


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

whidbeywriter thanks for reading and Im glad it make you smile. Cheers.

@Wayne you could never be politically incorrect thats my title. And thanks for the advice, ha you said (coif) lol. What does lopes mean? Cheers.


adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 4 years ago from Atlanta

Hey Ladyjane, I remember my days of going to beauty school, and working as a beautician, I have a few horror stories of my own. I truely understand how you felt when first starting out. Interesting story.

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