bishopmate

Well trying figure this blog thing out as well trying allllllllllll day figure how this works and hoping yall grasp what I make sense or not of this blogging!

From coming South from a northern state like Michigan it was quite a change for a 11 year old.

So, junior high was a time of making a impression on classmates as well as I was not thinking of what is taking place in these years as well defining who others say I tend to be without me realising any damage could or does exist in who ever's mind that is me. Thinking it now well I wished I could sense the tacky schemes that did take place but too late now! Guess I messed up here maybe.

Nothing has ever been easy for me as a kid or a teen but in retrosdpect I did not see it that but it was. Difficult as high school was, it did endure a principal escorting me to the buses. I was not bullied then among other things.

Then, it seemed it all started with more of my life simply as I thought when moved across the bridge. And it wasin a sense. After all the schooling at the time since high school and a junior college I married stupidly. Cuz I did not love the guy alot really, but it was because everyone was doing it and I didn't want to be left out in that scenerio. Marriage I suppose got the best of me.

During the marriage time a child was concieved. I was quite happy about it and nervous at the sametime.

I'm a person that has made mistakes in life regrettable or not. I wish I was like so n' so I'm sure we all think that! Untill one day it can't be helped the frame of mind can change due to a auto accident. A accident that can change your life forever. In ways you never thought would happen to you or it doesn't. Or its beyond your compacity in doing anything.

Wasted years are very simple to do, since they do just "zip" by in such a quick mindly and dissappointing way. I should know I am doing it plus fighting to figure out this blog thing in the process to tell you what a frame of mind can be. In my chair anyway........

I am really not sure, where to start, except, I flirted alot in high school and stole band candy bars from their boxes in the hall in those days in grammer school. I even stole lifesavers, all the time at a drug store on my way home on my two wheeler bike! Then One day, as I left, a lady that worked there caught me by grabbing my baskets that were on back of my bike! I always referred to her as the "polish" lady of the drug store because she looked like a character I'd seen on a Popeye cartoon at onetime lol! I really wanted attention and I sure got it! I didn't know at the time why I was stealing like that and I think now I know why . But I hate to say I still long for the right kinof attention these days. And proper ones too!

One day I married as I was thinking in my head, "everybody gets married", so I wanted be included too, that I was married. In doing so I did eventually. I wondered if was the right choice inspite of my Father was anxious to see it happening as my Stepmother I assumed at the time did not like the idea and was cautious also. I wished I had listened to her but who does in those situations or do they? I had asked my Stepmother recently why didn't she protest the marrige idea? She said she did but it never got nitty gritty to a sort. But hey! Done is done and to this day I have a married grown child. And that goes along with the changed frame of mind too among all these years too. As for years It was a tough time of my life too. I missed the my childs' last 2 years of high school. Luckily though, I saw the Graduation.

I muster and hold inside shredded mixed feelings of everything that has happened in my life. Some I do wish alot never happened, and others glad they did or its like "why did this happen?"

Well,I worked, did go to college over the years while my child was growing up. Admist it all, I would go out drinking and dancing. Dancing and attention I love, but, dumb things can happen with lots of regrets to and not remembering is one of them too. Some of this happened when I left my husband in New Orleans. It was a very confusing time and was unsure if it was the right thing either. I listened to other peoples opinions and concluded it was best to leave. So my child and I did leave. After calling my Mother in California off we went. It was quite a flight. 2 seats down I was visually excited to notice a actress, Beverly Garland of My Three Sons! I never met her and never to this day, met any actors or actresses or seen any up close for that matter! Probably a fat chance if I ever will!

After a trying time of colleges here n' there up north 7 years and unable to find any work I decided to head back home the South. With the help of my Stepmother, I did with my child of about 9 then. My Stepmother and her sister drove us back South,home. It was through letters I wrote her and came time and to a point I needed too leave where we were because I felt it be good for the child to get to know her grandparents and at the sametime try change my life too. I'm not sure if it was a good thing or not but the South saw us! I got a job in a restaurant. I was not a keen person when keeping work but I tried here n' there and kept working too. Long story, but, with all the college and training over the years, I should of looked for the better. But I did not dwell on that much, such as keypunch know how and other knowledge I had. I could not find anything of the sort where I was living. I forget but, it was fixed. Or so I thought.I found this one place I worked and stayed a few years. I unoticely did. I had bought a car on my own initially, and felt good about it. I was having headlight trouble and not sure why and still working at the same place. Among all this working and stuff I took no time at going drinking and dancing. I would go to the neighborhood bar of where I use to live at one time. Then it became a habit. Friends well, I never really had what you call"friends" I did think I had a couple though. I did think I was a likeable person. Although not perfect and I was a partier like everyone else. But it amounted to I couldn't hold my brew or liquor. But, nobody would say a word to me. Far as I know, never did. But. life does go on....

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