I was born. This I am almost positively sure about. After that, things get kind of hazy. I was adopted, which was a bizarre situation and one my parents have always been leery to talk about at any length. I think that they might have regretted losing the receipt. My upbringing was upper middle class, but I always showed a propensity for gravitating towards poverty. My suburban education prepared me for absolutely nothing that I was to encounter as a circus roust-a-bout, a truck driver, a cab driver, a dishwasher or a retail flunky. My upbringing really did nothing to further my goal of becoming the first Albino Porn Star. Well, that coupled with the fact that I was not an Albino and I really did not have the "proper equipment" to become even a regular, run of the mill Porno Star. Yet, in America, we can dream and dream we do.
I cannot categorize my thoughts, opinions, writing style or interests in any type of easily encapsulated form. My tastes in music, books, movies, food and any other cultural consumption is so wide and varied that I appear to be a sycophant, always finding a common ground with almost everyone I meet…except that jackhole that lives two doors down that feels the need to empty the garbage out of his car every night, which ends up strewn across my lawn by morning. Screw him. I don't have anything in common with him.
So, in summation, you now know less about me than when I started this little introduction and my fingers hurt. Well, I guess we'll just have to find out if I can make it in this big interconnected world that God and Al Gore created with the blessing of Bill Gates, of course. Drop me a line, tell me I suck, but at least be creative about it. Nothing irks me more than hackneyed misspelled hate mail. Now you're going to do it on purpose…I can tell.
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