Nicole (kiera305)

Last year I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, no I am not crazy, it is a mood disorder.

Hearing those words for me it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.

"Without even knowing what it is, I guess that expains the edge I feel I have been living on my whole life".

Coming to terms with how this, whatever it is, was created inside me I feel it gave me not only a better understanding of myself, but the whole world around me.

I helped me to understand why my brother died, aged 27 from combined drug toxicity.

I'll never understand why I survived and he didn't.

By sharing my experiences and how I ended up in situations making certain decisions I hope to:

1.Set myself free

2. Give those who don't understand someone who is living a lifestyle similar to mine, not necessarily with BPD, a better understanding so maybe they can help them realistically.

3. Hopefully guide those who find themselves in circumstances with the same options, make better choices.

I am not proud of the majority of decisions I have made in my life but there are significant circumstances that I feel were major contributing factors to the choices that I made.

I hope that by reaching out to others on Why I became the person I have become, more people will be saved and others will make better decisions to stop feeling like they are doing nothing more than dying inside more and more each day, with every breath that they take.

I grew up in a dark place, I found refuge in an even darker place.

I can no longer worry about what people think of me. No-one can say anything about me I already haven't said about myself.

I've worn the blaming, the shaming and now the labelling, people think that BPD is another weapon they have to use against me.

Good luck with that.

If you are labelled, stop and think, how is what I'm labelled with created within me. Certain people are generally the cause, the same people who now throw that one in when trying to bring you down!

I am nothing more than a human being who has a different opinion due to life experiences and get extremely frustrated, therefore showing emotional issues, due to the intense abuse I experienced/witnessed as a child
that has never stopped.

I feel the only way to set myself free is to share my experiences and thoughts with others. Hopefully give other people the ability to still believe in themselves as human beings when it feels like the whole world does nothing but continue to beat you into the ground.

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