This Spirited (2022) Movie Review Will Lift Your Spirits So High That You’ll Never Land Or See Your Family! Starring Ryan Reynolds and Will Ferrell! Directed by Sean Anders!
This Mandrake (2022) Will Rake Your Leaves Using Amanda! Starring Deirdre Mullins, Derbhle Crotty and Mandrake the Magician! Directed by Lynne Davison!
2022’s Sexiest Man Alive Chris Evans Gives You His Four Sexiest Horror Films! Written, directed and Starring Chris Evans!
This "Soft & Quiet" (2022) Review Puts Your Blankets in a Dryer But Doesn’t Turn It On! Starring Stephanie Estes, Olivia Luccardi, and a Dog! Directed by Beth De Araujo!
This Run Sweetheart Run (2020) Movie Review Will Make You Walk To Your Local Haberdashery! Starring Ella Balinska and Pilou Asbaek! Directed by Shana Feste!
Writer/Director Paul Feig’s Top 5 Films Ranked.
This "Slayers" (2022) Review Will Drain Your Essence But in A Fun Way! Starring Thomas Jane, Kara Hayward, and Abigail Breslin! Directed by K. Asher Levin!
This "Halloween Ends" (2022) Review Will End Halloween For 20 Minutes While They Fix the Roof! Starring Jamie Lee Curtis, Andi “Leigh” Matichak and Some Guy in A Mask! Directed By David Gordon Green!
Writer/Director Taika Waititi’s Top 5 Films Ranked.
This Significant Other (2022) Review Knows When That Can of Soup Expired! Starring Maika Monroe and Jake “Cagney” Lacy and Trees! Directed by Dan Berk and Robert Olsen!
Even if you’re not a film fanatic, you know the name Steven Spielberg. "Raiders." "E.T." "Schindler’s List." "Saving Private Ryan." He’s made some of the most famous films in the world and continues to churn them out well into his 70s. Here I rank his Top 5 films since 2000.
This House of Darkness (2022) Tells You How Many Justins it takes to screw in a Light Bulb! Starring Kate Bosworth and Justin Long. Directed By Neil Labute.
This "VampyrZ On A Boat" (2019) Movie Review Will Add A Capital Z To Your Name! Starring Dallas Valdez, Carrie Keagan and VampyrZ! Directed by Mark Allen Michaels!
This "Barbarian" (2022) Review Comes With Free Ice Cream for the Kids! Starring Georgina Campbell, Bill Skarsgard and Justin Long! Directed by Zach Cregger!
Horror Movies. Fruit. Apples. Pears. Slasher. Masked Killers. Grapes. Starring Bette Midler, Lupita Nyong’o, and Chris Pineapple!
This "Emily The Criminal" (2022) Review Just Stole…Your Heart! Starring Aubrey Plaza, Theo Rossi, and Dinosaurs! Directed by John Patton Ford!
This Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) Review Says Bodies Three Times In Front of a Mirror! Starring Amandla Stenberg, Maria Bakalova and Pete Davidson! Directed by Halina Reijn!
This Beast (2022) Review Has Idris Elba Buttering Toast! Starring Idris Elba, Sharlto Copley and a Lion! Directed by Baltasar Kormakur!
This Motherly (2021) Movie Review Will Give You A Warm Bath! Starring Lora “Arol” Burke and Tessa “Be” Kozma! Directed by Craig David Wallace!
This Orphan First Kill (2022) Review Is Now Your Mother And Father! Starring Isabelle Fuhrman and Julia Stiles! Directed by William Brent Bell!
This "Resurrection" (2022) Mixes Condiments! What’s In That Mustard Bottle? Starring Rebecca Hall and Tim Roth! Directed by Andrew Semans!
Keep Your EpiPen Ready! Here Are 4 Horror Movies Like Hereditary That Are Allergic to Peanuts!
Writer/Director Ti West’s Top 5 Films Ranked.
Tom Cruise Stars In This List Of Tom Cruise Movies With Impossible or Mission In The Title! You Can’t Handle The Truth of This List!
This She Will (2021) Review Will Rent You A Shed By The Willow Tree! Starring Alice Krige and Malcolm McDowell! Directed by Charlotte Colbert!
4 Horror Movies Like "Nope" With 4 Letters in the Title! Should you read this? Yep! Starring French People and Italian People and Hearing Impaired People!
This Thor Love and Thunder (2022) Review Will Give You a Free Hemsworth! Starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, and Tessa Thompson! Directed by Taika Waititi!
This "The Sixth Secret" (2022) Movie Review Will Give You Seven Secrets Or Fewer! Starring Triin Lellep, Gregory Defleur, and Ben Walton-Jones! Directed by Mart Sander!
I Rank Director Joseph Kosinski Films 1 Through 5.
This The Black Phone (2021) Movie Review Will Call You When You’re Sad! Starring Ethan Hawke, Madeleine McGraw, and Mason Thames! Directed by Scott Derrickson!
The five best Stephen King film adaptations since the year 2000.
Director David Cronenberg’s Top 5 Films Ranked
This Jurassic World Dominion (2022) Will Devour A Purple Dinosaur! Starring Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, and Jeff Houston Goldblum! Directed by Colin Trevorrow!
This Crimes Of The Future (2022) Review Knows What You Will Do Next Summer! Starring Lea Seydoux, Viggo Mortensen and Kristen Stewart! Directed By David Cronenberg!
This "Gabriela" (2022) Movie Review Will Make You Forget To Tie Your Shoes! Starring Evelyn Lorena! Directed by Evelyn Lorena!
This "Top Gun: Maverick" Comes With A Membership to Scientology! Starring Tom Cruise, Jennifer Connelly, and Miles “Smiles” Teller! Directed by Joseph Kosinski!
This "Torn Hearts" (2022) Movie Review Will Groom Your Neighbor’s Favorite Pet! Starring Katey Segal, Abby Quinn, and Alexxis Lemire! Directed by Brea Grant!
I Rank Writer/ Director Scott Derrickson’s Films 1-6.
This Firestarter (2022) Review Doesn’t Like The Way That Sweater Looks On You! Starring Zac Efron and Ryan Kiera Armstrong! Directed by Keith Thomas!
This "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness" (2022) Has A Long Title! Starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Rachel McAdams! Directed by Sam Raimi!
This Children of Sin (2022) Review Puts The Fun In Cinnamon! Starring Meredith Mohler and Lewis Hines. Directed by Christopher Wesley Moore And Three Other Names!
Driving a Bus? Flying a Passenger Plane? Want To Watch A Horror Movie? Don’t Watch These!
As of this writing, writer/director Matt Reeves' blockbuster, "The Batman," has grossed over $750 million worldwide and received massive critical acclaim. Let’s look back and rank Reeves' previous six films.
Director Sam Raimi’s Top 5 Films Ranked.
This The Outfit (2022) Review Has One Armed Jackets and Four Legged Pants! Starring Mark Rylance, Zoey Deutch and Johnny Flynn! Directed by Graham “Who Wants” Moore!
This Umma (2022) Review Will Umma Let You Finish! Starring Sandra Oh and Fivel Stewart! Directed by Iris K. Shim!
Writer/Director Judd Apatow’s Films Ranked 1-7
This You Are Not My Mother (2021) Reveals Who Is Not Your Mother! Starring Irish People like Hazel Doupe and Carolyn Bracken! Directed by Kate Dolan!
This Master (2022) Review Is Retsam Spelled Backwards! Starring Regina Hall, Regina Doorway, and Zoe Renee! Directed by Mariama Dialla!
This Seed (2021) Review Will Need Your Steed To Feed! Starring Lucy Martin, Chelsea “Over The” Edge, and Batman! Directed by Sam “Run Don’t” Walker
When You Can’t Alphabetize Your Bale From Your Pattinson, This List Will Save Your Life And The Lives of Others! Starring Batman And Young Wards!
This Fresh (2022) Review Must Be Kept At Room Temperature Along With The Open Jar of Mayo! Starring Daisy Edgar-Jones and Sebastian Stan! Directed by Mimi Cave!
This Hellbender (2021) Review Is Made Up Of Three Tiny People Stacked On Top of Each Other. Starring Zelda Adams and Toby Poser. Directed By The Adams Family.
This article offers a ranking of Alexandra Aja’s films.
This Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) Review Rocks You Gently in a Hammock! Starring Sarah Yarkin, Elsie Fisher and Other Victims! Directed by David Blue Garcia!
This Marry Me (2022) Review Knows About the Secret Family You Have On The East Coast! Starring Jennifer Lopez and Owen Wilson. Directed by Kat Coiro.
This I Blame Society (2020) Movie Review Blames Rap Music and Video Games! Starring Gillian Wallace Horvat and Chase “He’s Going Over There!” Williamson. Directed by Gillian Wallace Horvat.
This Second Age of Aquarius (2022) Movie Review Can Tell Your Age By Looking At Your Personal Information! Starring Christina Calph and Michael Ursu! Written and Directed by Staci Layne Wilson!
Judy’s Greer’s Best Friendship Knows No Fear! 4 Horror Movies That Could Not Survive Without Judy Greer Saying Supportive Things!
In this article, I rank the films from Rian Johnson.
This The Last Thing Mary Saw (2021) Review Will Be The Last Thing You Read Before You Participate On The Pommel Horse! Starring Stefanie Scott! Directed by Edoardo Vitaletti!
This Only The Animals (2019) Is Written So Only The Animals Can Read It! Starring Denis Menochet, Laure Calamy, and Animals! Directed by Dominik Moll!
Can’t Wait Until Scream (2022) To See A Horror Film With A Phone! Then Hold the Phone!
This For The Sake of Vicious Review (2020) Viciously Sakes Your Floors! Starring Lora Burke and Nick Smyth! Directed by Gabriel Carrer and Reese Eveneshen!
This "Matrix Resurrections" (2021) Review Will Make You Take Purple Pills From 2001. Starring Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, and a Speeding Bus! Directed by Lana Wachowski!
This Spider-Man Far From Home (2021) Review Will Reveal Your Secret Identity! Starring Tom Holland, Zendaya, Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Denmark. Directed By Jon Watts.
This Death Valley (2021) Review Breathes Life Into Your Hills and Streams! Starring Jeremy Ninaber, Ethan Mitchell, and Kristen Kaster. Directed by Matthew Ninaber.
I rank the films that director Ridley Scott and actor Russell Crowe have worked on together.
This The Advent Calendar (2021) Movie Review Makes This Christmas Worth Barbecuing For! Starring Eugenie Derouand and other French People! Directed by Patrick Ridremont.
This Bongee Bear and The Kingdom Of Rhythm (2019) Takes You To The Rhythm of the Kingdom. Directed by Brian Zemrak.
This The Feast (2021) Review Invites You To Dine on Terror. Starring Annes Elwy, White Phillip, and Nia Roberts. Directed by Lee Haven Jones
4 Popular Songs By Music Superstar Adele. The Horror Films That Inspired Them. You’ve Been Warned!
2021’s People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive Paul Rudd Gives You His 5 Sexiest Horror Movies! Directed By Paul Rudd!
This The Beta Test (2021) Review Will Place Condiments On Your Barbecued Food! Starring Jim Cummings and Virginia Newcomb. Directed By Jim Cummings and PJ McCabe.
Barry Had A Little Ham In This Lamb (2021) Review! Starring Noomi Rapace And Icelandic Actor With Long Name! Directed by Valdimar Johannson!
I rank Jason Reitman’s directorial efforts 1-9
This Dune (2021) Review Doesn’t Like Sand Or Sandworms! Starring Timothee Chalamet, Rebecca Ferguson, Oscar Isaac, and a Lorne Dune! Directed by Denis Villeneuve!
This Halloween Kills (2021) Movie Review Puts A Mask Over Your Head Metaphorically Speaking! Starring Jamie Lee Curtis, Judy Lee Greer, and Andi Matichak. Directed by David Gordon Green.
I rank Edgar Wright’s directorial efforts 1 through 7.
Here Are 5 James Bond Films With Die In The Title! Ranked! Starring Daniel Craig! Pierce Brosnan! Ants!
This The Columnist (2019) Review Advises You To Always Wear A Column! Starring Katja Herbers and More Dutch People! Directed by Ivo Van Aart!
This We Need to Do Something (2021) Review Needs You To Read It For Spelling Errors. Starring Sierra McCormick and Vinessa Shaw. Directed By Sean King O’ Grady.
I rank Mike Flanagan’s directorial films from best to worst.
This The Guilty (2021) Review Is Guilty of Loving You Unconditionally! Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Riley Keough, and Blake Millenmaal. Directed By Antione Fuqua.
I rank James Wan's directorial efforts from best to worst.
This Malignant (2021) Review Has Some Bad News About That Tumor! Starring Annabelle Wallis, Maddie Hasson And VCRs! Directed By James Wan!
This Don’t Breathe 2 (2021) Review Gives You An Extra Helping of Crudité! Starring Stephen Lang, Madelyn Grace, and Some Dogs. Directed By Rodo Sayagues.
The films of the Wachowski sisters ranked 1-7.
Candyman Says Be My Victim of Fun as We Look At Horror Movies With Candy or Man in the Title! Starring Jennifer Lopez, Eddie Murphy, Elliot Page, and the Devil! Sweet!
This Annette (2021) Movie Review Has Adam Driver Driving Your Adams! Starring Adam “Car And” Driver, Marion “Berry” Cotillard, and Simon “What The” Helberg. Directed By Leos Carax!
What’s your favorite scary movie? I rank the "Scream" films 1-5.
George Washington’s 5 Least Favorite Horror Movies! Number 8 Will Shock You! So Will Number 2!
This Review of Teddy (2020) Will Aur Revoir! Bienvenu! Starring Anthony “French” Bajon and Christine “Fries” Gautier! Directed by Ludovic and Zoran Boukjerma!
A ranking of the films from writer/director James Gunn.
Are You Having Trouble Knowing Which Ryan is Which? This Informative List of Horror Films Will Improve Your Life! Ryan-Teed!
This Here Comes Hell (2019) Review Drags You To Hell Fest! Starring Tom Bailey! Margaret Clunie! Not George Clooney! Directed by Jack McHenry!
This Pig (2021) Review Will Lovingly Put Itself in a Blanket. Starring Nicolas “The Wolff” Cage and Alex “The Cage” Wolff. Directed by Michael Sarnorski
A ranking of the six films from Baz Luhrmann.
When Choosing A Streaming Service, It’s Important To Compare Prices, A Catalog of Selection, and Which Eldritch Demon Wants Control Of Your Soul.
This Werewolves Within (2021) Review Will Turn You Into A Wolf…But Where? Starring Sam Richardson, Milana Vayntrub, Harvey Guillen and Michaela Watkins. Directed by Josh Ruben.
The Latest Entry In The Fast And Furious “Saga” Features A Grave That Can’t Keep Quiet! Starring Christine Nyland, Jacob A. Ware, Vin Diesel, Ludacris, and Michelle Rodriquez! Directed By Terence Krey.
The Sequel To the First Fast and Furious List But With More References To How It’s All About Family!
This In Depth (not really) Look At the First Five Fast And Furious Movie Ranks Their Fast-Ness and Furious-Ness. Remember, It’s All About FAMILY.
This The Amusement Park (2019) Review Has Wilford Brimley Talking About the Dangers of Amusement! Starring Lincoln Maazel and Merry-Go-Round. Directed by George A. Romero.
This The Conjuring The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) Review Is Shorter Than The Title of the Movie. Starring Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, and The Devil! Directed By Michael Chaves and The Devil!
Here is a ranking of the films from Oscar-winning director Guillermo Del Toro.
This Séance (2021) Movie Review Has Scooby, Velma And The Rest of The Hooligan Gang Getting Into Trouble! Starring Suki “Price” Waterhouse, Madison “Warren” Beaty and Ella-Rae Smith. Directed By Simon “Says” Barrett.
I rank "The Conjuring" universe movies 1 through 8.
This Those Who Wish Me Dead (2021) Review Wishes You A Happy Birthday! Starring Angelina Jolie, Finn Little and Jon Bernthal. Directed by Taylor Sheridan.
This In The Earth (2021) Movie Review Will Have To Be Taken Out By The Roots. Starring Joel “French” Fry, Reece “Witherspoon” Shearsmith and Ellora “Witherspoon” Torchia. Directed By Ben “Wheat” Wheatley.
I rank the top 10 films from Steven Soderbergh.
This Things Heard & Seen (2021) Review Just Wants To Be Seen Because it’s Not An Audio Review! Starring Amanda Seyfried, James “Edward” Norton and F. “Eff” Murray Abraham. Directed by Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini!
This Mortal Kombat (2021) Will Help You Get in Touch With Your Feelings And Will Just Listen! Starring Cole Young, Jessica McNamee and Characters That Will Fight! Directed By Simon McQuoid.
I rank the top 10 films from the Coen Brothers.
This Jakob’s Wife (2021) Knows You Legally Married That Person Even Though You Say You Don’t Remember It. Starring Barbara “They’re Going to Get You” Crampton and Larry Fessenden. Directed By Travis Stevens.
This The Power (2021) Review Will Turn Off Right When It’s Getting To The Good Part. Starring Rose Williams, Emma Rigby, Shakira Rahman, and The Other Shakira. Directed by Corinna Faith.
This Godzilla Vs Kong (2021) Movie Review Just Stepped on a Bunch of Running People! Starring A Giant Lizard and a Giant Ape and The Girl From Stranger Things. Directed by Adam Wingard.
Before You See Godzilla V Kong, We Take You Back to Friendlier Times When Kong and Godzilla Nurtured Each Other Rather Than Decimated Cities. Starring Kong. Starring Godzilla. Starring Friendship!
An In Depth and Sometimes Out Depth Look At The Deleted Scenes of Zack Snyder’s 8 Hour Cut of Zack Snyder’s Justice League. Directed by Zack Snyder.
This Phobias (2021) Review Know What You Are Afraid Of. It’s _______! Starring Macy Gray, Leonardo Lam, Martina Garcia, and Lauren Miller Rogen. Directed by Camilla Belle and like, 4 other directors. Seriously.
This Slaxx (2020) Review Will Not Catch You With Your Slacks Down! Starring Romane Denis, Brett Donahue, and Some Killer P***ts! Directed By Elza Kephart.
This Lucky (2020) Movie Review Is Lucky To Have You As A Reader. You’re The Best Reader Here. Starring Brea Grant, Hunter C. Smith And Someone Unlucky. Directed by Natasha Kermani
This Open 24 Hours (2018) Review Closes In About 15 Minutes. Starring Vanessa Grasse, Brendan Fletcher, and Emily Tennant. Directed By Padraig Reynolds.
This The Vigil (2019) Movie Review Puts The Lotion On Its Skin To Keep It Smooth. Starring Dave Davis, Lynn Cohen, Malky Goldman And Some Jewish Demons. Directed by Keith Thomas.
Be warned! Fictional Characters Meet Grisly Deaths! And Casualties! And Synonyms For That Word! Starring Vince Vaughn! Nicole Kidman! Creepy Kids! Possible Spoilers! Definite Spoilers!
This PG Psycho Goreman (2020) Movie Review Will Provide You With Companionship if You Inflate It! Starring Nita-Josee Hanna, Owen Myre And Your Best Friend from High School. Directed By Steven Kostanski.
Nicolas Cage Nic Cage In This Nic Cage Review of Willy’s Wonderland (2021) Nic Cage Nicolas Cage Coppola!!! Starring Nicolas Cage, Nic Cage and Nicolas Cage! Directed by Kevin Lewis Not Nicolas Cage!
This La Llorona (2019) Movie Review Is Like La La Land, But with More Guatemalans, Mayans, and Fun-ocide. Starring Maria Mercedes Conroy, Julio Diaz, and Some Guys In Bee Suits. Directed by Jayro Bustamente.
This Saint Maud (2019) Review Will Turn Off All Your Maud-ern Conveniences Because The Devil Told You To! Starring Morfydd Clark, Jennifer Ehle and Possibly God. Directed By Rose Glass.
This The Little Things (2021) Review Introduces About Two Or Three Giant Things When You Least Expect It!!! Starring Denzel “George” Washington, Rami “Denzel” Malek, and Jared “Little” Leto. Directed By John Lee “Leto” Hancock.
Finally Your Life Has Meaning. Here Are 6 Movies With Posters Filled With Floating Heads And No Torsos! Starring Cameron Diaz, Bradley Cooper, The Avengers, Brad Pitt, Margot Robbie, Brad Pitt, and Bradley Cooper.
This Hunted (2020) Movie Review Will Find You No Matter Where You Go!!! Starring Lucie DeBay, Arieh Worthalter, Ciaran O’Brien and Ethan Hunted. Directed By Vincent Paronnaud.
This Fingers (2019) Review Will Make Sure All Your Toes Belong To You! Starring Sabina Friedman-Seitz, Jeremy Gardner, and Stan Madray. Directed by Juan Ortiz.
This Promising Young Woman (2021) Review Promises To Find The Young Woman In You! Starring Carey Mulligan, Bo Burnham, Alison Brie and Woman Mann. Directed by Emerald Fennell.
I rank Paul Thomas Anderson's directorial films from best to worst.
This Anything For Jackson (2020) Movie Review Will Do Anything For You To Read It! Starring Sheila McCarthy, Julian Richings, and Possibly The Devil! Written By Keith Cooper. Directed by Justin G. Dych.
This Review Of Run (2020) Will Make You Run To Read It Then You Won’t Catch Your Breath and You’ll Run To An Oxygen Tank! Directed by Aneesh Chaganty. Starring Sarah Paulson and Kiera Allen.
I rank David Fincher's directorial films from best to worst.
This The Dark and The Wicked (2020) Movie Review Is Both Wicked and Dark, but Not Necessarily In That Order. Starring Marin Ireland, Michael Abbot Jr, and Some Old People That Are So Dead! Directed by Bryan Bertino.
This The Deeper You Dig (2019) Review Isn’t Particularly Deep But We’re Pretty Sure You’ll Dig it! Starring John Adams, Toby Poser and Zelda Adams. Written and Directed by John Adams, Toby Poser, Zelda Adams, and Their Cat and Dog.
I rank the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp film collaborations from best to worst.
This The Mortuary Collection (2019) Review Recounts An Extensive Collection of Mortuaries! Starring Clancy Brown, Caitlin Custer, and Juanito Mortuary. Written and Directed by Ryan “Sit and” Spindell.
This The Wolf of Snow Hollow (2020) Review Will Make You Not Want To Visit Snow Hollow, Probably Because of the Wolf. Starring Jim Cummings, Riki Lindhome, A Giant Wolf and Robert Forster. Directed By Jim Cummings.
For Your Viewing Pleasure And That of Your Loved Ones and Pets. Here Are 6 Horror Movies With ‘Halloween’ In The Title! Judy From Accounting Endorses This List!
This 12 Hour Shift (2020) Review Takes Less that a Dozen Hours to Read or Your Time Back! Starring Angela Bettis, David Arquette(!) and Mick Foley(!!). Directed by Brea Grant.
The Spiral (2019) Review Will Keep You Going In Circles Until You’re Too Dizzy And Can’t Read Anymore. Starring Jeffery Bowyer-Chapman, Ari Cohen, and Jennifer Laporte. Directed by Kurtis David Harder.
I rank the Martin Scorsese/Leonardo DiCaprio film collaborations from best to worst.
This Antebellum (2020) Movie Confirms That The South Lost. Starring Janelle Monae, Jena Malone, Gabourey Sidibe, and Some Racists. Directed by Gerard Bush and Christopher Renz.
This Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993) Review Reminds You That You Can’t Avoid Paying Late Fees On This Movie Forever. Starring Kent McCord, Melinda Clarke, J. Trevor Edmund, and Some Zombies. Directed by Brian Yuzna.
I rank Zack Snyder's directorial films from best to worst.
This Review Of the Horror Comedy Get Duked Was Attacked by A Ptero-Duke-Tyl! Starring Eddie Izzard, Samuel Bottomley, Kate Dickey, Rian Gordon, and Sentient Robots Playing Scottish People. Directed by Ninian Doff.
This Peninsula (2020) Movie A Review Is Zombie’s Throw Away From Saving Your Life! Starring Dong-Won Gang, Jung-hyon Lee, and Brad Cindy Whiteman. Directed by San-ho Yeon.
This Ava (2020) Movie Review Has Jessica Chastain Beating Up Critics of X-Men Dark Phoenix. Starring Jessica Chastain, Being John Malkovich, and Slurring Colin Farrell. Directed By Tate Taylor.
This Random Acts of Violence (2019) Review Puts Words In A Random Order That Only The Semi-Literate Can Decipher! Starring Jessie Williams, Jordana Brewster, Punky Brewster and Jay Baruchel. Directed by Jay Baruchel.
Let This Review of Host (2020) Be Your Host To The Spooky and Unknown And Zoom-Riffic. Starring Haley Bishop, Jemma Moore, and Caroline Ward. Directed by Rob Savage.
This Thir13en Ghosts (2001) Review Pays Attention to Ghosts 1-7 and Could Care Less About 8-13. Starring Tony Shalhoub, Shannon Elizabeth, and Matthew Lillard. Directed by Steve Beck When Gas Was Under $2 A Gallon.
This The Rental Review (2020) Puts Black Light to the Surface And Notices Some Unidentified Stains! Starring Dan Stevens, Alison Brie and Jeremy Allen White. Directed and Co-written by Dave “James” Franco.
This The Beach House (2019) Review Will Let You Know When That Green Meat is Edible. Starring Liana Liberato, Sandy Beach, Brick House, and Jake Weber. Directed by Jeffrey A. Brown.
This Relic (2020) Review Is Old, Dusty, Musty, And Just Left Its Room Before Finishing Its Pudding. Starring Emily Mortimer, Robyn Nevin, and Bella Heathcote. Directed by Natalie Erika James.
I rank Wes Anderson's directorial efforts from best to worst.
This The Wretched (2019) Will Put Some Much Needed Mayonnaise In Your Life. Starring John-Paul Howard, Piper Curda and Other People You’ve Never Heard Of Unless You’re Related. Directed by Brett and Drew T. Pierce.
We’ll Bring The Dead, You Bring The Heat In This Dead Heat (1988) Review. Be Sure to Return This Review Or You’ll Accrue Late Fees. Starring Treat “Meat” Williams and Joe “Meat” Piscopo. Directed by Marc Goldblatt.
This Yummy (2019) Review Is Not Safe To Eat. Now That Mitch Has Left The Room It Is Now Totally Safe To Eat Because It’s So Good. Starring Maaike Neuville, Bart Hollanders And Other Dutch People. Directed by Lars Damoiseaux.
I rank Christopher Nolan's directorial films from best to worst.
This Review of Dreamland (2019) Will Make All Your Wildest Dreams and Fantasies Come True Provided It Costs Under $12. Starring Stephen McHattie, Juliette Lewis, and Henry Rollins. Directed by “Loose” Bruce McDonald.
This Review of Into The Dark: Good Boy (2020) Will Rub Your Tummy and Give You Treats. Starring Judy Greer, Ellen Wong, and Chico The Dog. Directed By Tyler MacIntyre.
This Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 (2017) Review is Just Like The Guardians of the Galaxy Review But With a 2 In The Title. Starring Chris Pratt and Who Cares It’s a Marvel Movie. Directed By James “Man With The Golden” Gunn.
This Extra Ordinary (2019) Review Is Actually Quite Ordinary. Until You Put on The Specially Formulated Glasses Embedded Within the Review! Starring Will Forte and Maeve Higgins. Directed by Mike Ahern and Enda Loughman.
This The Vast of Night (2019) Movie Review Will Show You Just How Vast The Night Is. It’s Pretty Vast. Starring Sierra McCormick and Jake Horowitz. Directed by Andrew “Andrew” Patterson.
Melissa McCarthy and Joseph McCarthy Spy on You Through Your Webcam In This Spy (2015) Review. Starring Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Jude Law, and Melissa McCarthy. Directed by Paul Feig.
Karen Would Like to Speak With Your Manager. Karen Will Call The Cops On These 6 Horror Movies Because That’s How Karens Are. #Karen.
This Review Of the Horror Movie Porno (2019) Was Found in a Folder Labeled “Boring Accounting Stuff”. Starring Katelyn Pearce, Jillian Mueller, and Larry Saperstein. Directed by Keola Racela.
This Ant-Man (2015) Review Will Show Something You’ve Never Seen in A Marvel Movie. But It’s Marvel So You Don’t Care. Starring Paul Rudd, Michael Douglas and Evangeline Lilly. Directed by Peyton Reed.
This Monstrum (2018) Review Is Written in Native Korean and For A Small Price You Can Download The App To Translate It To English! Starring Myung-Min Kim, In-Kwon Kim, Samuel L. Jackson and Hyeri Lee. Directed by Jong-Ho Huh.
This Review of Ghostbusters (2016) Will Trigger Insecure Nostalgia Loving People. Starring Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, and Kate McKinnon. Directed by Paul Feig.
This The Changeover (2017) Review Knows Your Deepest And Darkest Secrets But Won’t Tell Anyone. Promise. Starring Timothy Spall, Erana James and Lucy Lawless. Directed by Miranda Harcourt and Stuart McKenzie.
This Dogs Don’t Wear Pants (2019) Review Features Dogs Playing Poker While Not Wearing Any Pants. Starring Pekka Strang, Krista Kosonen. Directed by JP Valkeapaa. You should know this movie’s Finnish before you finish.
This Ted 2 (2015) Movie Review Will Give You Good Vibrations, Marky Mark Style. The Best Talking Stuffed Bear Movie of 2015 and 1895. Starring Mark Wahlberg and Amanda Seyfried. Written and Directed By Seth MacFarlane.
This The Assistant (2019) Review Will Help You Tie Your Shoes. Do You Need A Haircut And Are Willing To Risk Your Life To Get One? This Review Can’t Assist You. Starring Julia Garner. Written/Directed by Kitty Green.
This Possessor (2020) Review Possesses You Into Reading Despite Not Wanting To. You’ll Stop And Wonder If It’s Worth It But You’ll Finish Anyway And Be Glad. Starring Christopher Abbott and Andrea Riseborough. Written/Directed By Brandon Cronenberg.
This Furious 7 (2015) Review Notes That Vin Diesel Actually Says Words Over 2 Syllables Like “Engine” and “Engine”. Starring Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, and Karen. Directed by James Wan.
This Braid (2018) Movie Review Will Get Your Hair in a Knot! Starring Madeline Brewer, Imogen Waterhouse, Sarah Hay, Tom Braid-y, and Braid Pitt. Written and Directed by Mitzi Peirone.
This We Summon The Darkness (2019) Movie Review Will Place You Right in the Heart of the Action, and By Action, I Mean Nutella. Starring Alexandra Daddario, Johnny Knoxville, and Amy Forsyth. Directed by Marc Meyers.
This Gretel and Hansel (2020) Will Fill Your Tummy With Cookies and Gluten Before Having It Pumped. Starring Sophia Lillis, Bruce Willis and Alice Krige. Directed by Osgood Perkins.
The Review of The BFG (2016) Will Make You Say Big Fluffy…Gophers. Or Something. Starring a Little Girl, Mark Rylance, and Other British People Looking At Green Screens. Directed By Steven Spielberg.
This Review of The Room (2019) Is Not A Review of That Other Movie Called The Room (2003). Starring Olga Kurylenko, Kevin Janssens and A Room. Directed by Christian Volckman.
This Jurassic World (2015) Review Will Make You Think About Taking Your Dinosaur Out For A Walk While Being Mindful of Social Distancing. Starring Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, and Some Lizards, but not Lizzo. Directed by Colin Trevorrow.
This Vivarium (2019) Review Shows How House Hunting Can Be Terrible And Fun, But Mostly Terrible. Starring Imogen Poots, Jessie Eisenberg, and a Bunch of Creepy Guys In Ties. Directed by Lorcan Finnegan.
This Spider-Man Homecoming (2017) is a Review of the Movie Film Spider-Man Coming Home in a Body Bag. Starring Tom Holland, Michael Keaton, Alex P. Keaton and the Entire Continent of Holland. Directed by Jon Watts.
This The Hunt (2020) Movie Review Can Be Read From the Comfort of Your Own Home, Just Like Everything Else You’ve Been Doing For The Past Couple of Days. Starring Betty Gilpin, Betty Crocker, A Bunch of White People With Guns, and a Pig. Directed By Craig Zobel.
Matt Damon Will Ballerina Fight You To The End of Your Childhood Street in This Fist-Fueled Review of Jason Bourne (2016). Starring Matt Damon, Billy Lee Damon, Alicia Vikander and Tommy Lee Jones Lee. Directed by Paul “The Grass Is Always Greener” Greengrass.
This Swallow (2019) Movie Review Should be Taken With Water and Not Read After Midnight. Starring Haley Bennett, Austin Stowell, Jeff Swallows, Toby Chews and Danny Digests. Written and Directed by Carlo Mirabella-Davis.
This Review of Get Hard (2015) Will Not Leave You Soft! Starring Kevin Hart, Will Ferrell, and Nobody From the CDC. Directed by Etan Cohen.
This Justice League (2017) Movie Review Will Walk Your Pets Around the Block When You’re On a Business Trip. Starring Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Henry Cavill and 2 Other People Plus 3. Directed By Zack Snyder and then Joss Whedon.
This The Invisible Man (2020) Review Will Pay For Your Invisalign Procedure Provided You Leave Some Of Your Teeth As Off(red)erring. Starring Elisabeth Moss, Oliver Jackson-Cohen and Aldis Hodge. Written and Directed by Leigh Whannell.
This Magic Mike XXL (2015) Movie Review is Like Harry Potter, But With More Wands and Baby Oil. Starring Channing “The Manning” Tatum, Donald “Ronald” Glover and no Matthew McConaughey. Directed by Gregory Jacobs.
Will You Lodge A Complaint Against This Review of The Lodge (2019)? If so, I’m Sorry It Didn’t Meet Your Needs and I Will Throw Myself Off A Bridge. Starring Riley Keough, Richard Armitage and Jaeden Martell. Directed by Severin Fiala and Veronika Franz.
This Doctor Strange (2016) Review Will Not Make You Feel Hazy Or Drowsy. That Was Probably the Drink You Took. Starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Benedict Wong, Benedict McAdams and Tilda Benedict. Directed by Scott Derrickson.
This Fantasy Island (2020) Movie Review Knows Da-Plane Truth About Your Fantasies and About Your Islands and About Your Island Fantasies. Starring Lucy Hale, Maggie Q, and Michael Pena. Directed By Jeff Wadlow.
Who’s Your Daddy? That’s What Elijah Wood Asks Himself During This Come To Daddy (2019) Review. Starring Elijah Wood, Stephen McHattie, Along With That Dad Who Left For Milk When You Were Eight And Ever Came Back. Directed by Ant Timpson. Stabbed by OJ Simpson.