This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
Schwag profile image


Joined 9 years ago from Clarksville, TN




**NEW HUB!! It's been a long time. Sorry. I hope you enjoy Prophylactiv.

Schwag (Wes J. Pimentel) is the author of The Life Articles. They are a collection of mostly humorous writings on all different topics, from pizza and doughnuts to the evils of small talk.

Here's a description of each of my writings. Just click on any title to read the article:

Prophylactiv is another true story that has to do with children, condoms, and facial care.

My Dad's a Homo is the true story of how I found out that my father is gay and how I reacted (funny haha, not funny queer).

God Bless You is one of my all-time favorites. It's a grouchy criticism of saying this after every sneeze.

You've Got Mail! is a venemous assault on all those people who forward around "funny", "inspirational", "cute", and "uplifting" emails (funny, if you like evil).

Black Death is my profession of love for coffee (do I have to say it again?).

MyFace is my take on social networking sites, like Facebook and MySpace.

Death and Ducklings is the hilarious true story of how I watched a group of little girls become instantly jaded during an event which lasted about 2 minutes (funny, if you are a sick, morbid freak).

Piss Like a Racehorse is a review of a bunch of common sayings that don't make any sense.

A River Runs Through Her describes an April Fool's day in which the universe played a huge prank on me, via my baby daughter (more disgusting than funny).

The Vagina Diatribe is my rant about all the vaginal-product commercials out there.

Pizza and Doughnuts is a funny little number about the power of suggestion when used by the food industry.

Marijuana and Severed Limbs is the very funny, but true story of how I was introduced to two totally unrelated things at the same time as a kid.

Pirate Shit is another very funny, but true story of how I ended up taking a dump with a parrot on my shoulder.

Sit, Lion! is a criticism of all the people making those "When Animals Attack"-type shows.

Sonic Gloom outlines exactly why the human ear is the ugliest body-part in all existence.

Good Tech Bad Tech is a comparative essay, weighing the benefits of technology against its drawbacks.

Look Who's never Coming to Dinner is a PSA welcoming the terms "baby momma" and "baby daddy" to the american family.

Disregard the Following... is an all-out attack on the ridiculous disclaimers we use like, "Not to be rude, but...".

Pooper Stupor is a guide on how to use the male bathroom.

The Emaciation Proclamation is my denouncement of all the anorexic celebrities, wrecking the minds of our little girls (funny, but not).

Latin Food Refusal Guide is a guide to help you when you're in a Latin home.

I See Gay People! is my criticism of homophobia.

I Do? was my take on marriage a long time ago.

Television Personalities is my scathing rant about people like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.

a CLEAR and present CHANNEL is an PSA about a certain media company (hint, hint) that is destroying the music industry

The Lily Pad Technique is an analysis of how women navigate relationships.

Jimmy and the Giant Pen is my expression of the challenges to writing creatively, expressed as a children's story.

Me Duelen en el Alma is my expression of the anguished love one feels as a parent.

Hub Pages Censorship is the true story of how I got censored on this site and how I reacted..

The Secret to Hub Traffic is my way of helping all the Hubbers out there who struggle with getting traffic.

Spring HubNugget Review is a review of the HubNugget nominees for the week of March 22, 2009.

Avatar: A Review a look at the movie.

Daybreakers: Worst Vampire Movie Ever is a "constructive" criticism of a cinematic masterpiece.

Watchmen: A Review I'll give you one guess.

Madame Bovary, A Bad Cast is my take on the very famous book.

Schwag Learns to Draw is a product review of the Bamboo Fun digital drawing tablet.

No Featured content yet.

Welcome Schwag to HubPages

Looks like Schwag doesn't have any Featured articles on HubPages to share yet. Now's your chance to inspire, encourage, and welcome Schwag to the amazing HubPages community. Follow Schwag to show your support and get updates on new content Schwag publishes.