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Schwag profile image

Schwag

Joined 9 years ago from Clarksville, TN

32

133

10

**NEW HUB!! It's been a long time. Sorry. I hope you enjoy Prophylactiv.

Schwag (Wes J. Pimentel) is the author of The Life Articles. They are a collection of mostly humorous writings on all different topics, from pizza and doughnuts to the evils of small talk.

Here's a description of each of my writings. Just click on any title to read the article:

Prophylactiv is another true story that has to do with children, condoms, and facial care.

My Dad's a Homo is the true story of how I found out that my father is gay and how I reacted (funny haha, not funny queer).

God Bless You is one of my all-time favorites. It's a grouchy criticism of saying this after every sneeze.

You've Got Mail! is a venemous assault on all those people who forward around "funny", "inspirational", "cute", and "uplifting" emails (funny, if you like evil).

Black Death is my profession of love for coffee (do I have to say it again?).

MyFace is my take on social networking sites, like Facebook and MySpace.

Death and Ducklings is the hilarious true story of how I watched a group of little girls become instantly jaded during an event which lasted about 2 minutes (funny, if you are a sick, morbid freak).

Piss Like a Racehorse is a review of a bunch of common sayings that don't make any sense.

A River Runs Through Her describes an April Fool's day in which the universe played a huge prank on me, via my baby daughter (more disgusting than funny).

The Vagina Diatribe is my rant about all the vaginal-product commercials out there.

Pizza and Doughnuts is a funny little number about the power of suggestion when used by the food industry.

Marijuana and Severed Limbs is the very funny, but true story of how I was introduced to two totally unrelated things at the same time as a kid.

Pirate Shit is another very funny, but true story of how I ended up taking a dump with a parrot on my shoulder.

Sit, Lion! is a criticism of all the people making those "When Animals Attack"-type shows.

Sonic Gloom outlines exactly why the human ear is the ugliest body-part in all existence.

Good Tech Bad Tech is a comparative essay, weighing the benefits of technology against its drawbacks.

Look Who's never Coming to Dinner is a PSA welcoming the terms "baby momma" and "baby daddy" to the american family.

Disregard the Following... is an all-out attack on the ridiculous disclaimers we use like, "Not to be rude, but...".

Pooper Stupor is a guide on how to use the male bathroom.

The Emaciation Proclamation is my denouncement of all the anorexic celebrities, wrecking the minds of our little girls (funny, but not).

Latin Food Refusal Guide is a guide to help you when you're in a Latin home.

I See Gay People! is my criticism of homophobia.

I Do? was my take on marriage a long time ago.

Television Personalities is my scathing rant about people like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.

a CLEAR and present CHANNEL is an PSA about a certain media company (hint, hint) that is destroying the music industry

The Lily Pad Technique is an analysis of how women navigate relationships.

Jimmy and the Giant Pen is my expression of the challenges to writing creatively, expressed as a children's story.

Me Duelen en el Alma is my expression of the anguished love one feels as a parent.

Hub Pages Censorship is the true story of how I got censored on this site and how I reacted..

The Secret to Hub Traffic is my way of helping all the Hubbers out there who struggle with getting traffic.

Spring HubNugget Review is a review of the HubNugget nominees for the week of March 22, 2009.

Avatar: A Review a look at the movie.

Daybreakers: Worst Vampire Movie Ever is a "constructive" criticism of a cinematic masterpiece.

Watchmen: A Review I'll give you one guess.

Madame Bovary, A Bad Cast is my take on the very famous book.

Schwag Learns to Draw is a product review of the Bamboo Fun digital drawing tablet.

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