62I dedicated my life to the color green when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I remember being at a friend’s house, around the corner from where we lived in Rochester, NY. We were in the backyard lying in the grass on our bellies, the sun filtering down through the leaves of the gigantic Maple trees warming our backsides, squishing bugs and talking about kid stuff. I was happy, and I knew it. And at that moment in time, the things that were making me happy were green; the sharp blades of the long summer grass brushing up against my skin, the way the wind caused the leaves on the trees to shift and shimmer exposing so many different shades of green, the brilliant fluorescent green that exploded out of the bug’s bodies as we squished our little hearts out. Green was good then, and still is.
My early teen years and through to my early 20’s, were very tumultuous and dark. I was a frequent runaway, I spent some time locked up in kiddie jail aka juvenile detention, spent more than my fair share of time in Family Court and was eventually sent off to reform school. I wasn’t a bad kid - I was a kid with some very powerfully painful secrets. But that did not prevent me from being shuffled through the system like a cow being sent off to slaughter. Happy to report though that they were not able to break my spirit, nor were they able to mold me in to the text book model little citizen they had so desired. Escape Artist is just one of my many self-taught talents and after going AWOL from reform school on a very regular basis, the system gave up on me. All the people put in place to protect me, threw their hands up in the air in frustration and disgust, and gave up. I became a child of the streets and I learned all sorts of shady skills and picked up some bad habits during this time. It’s alright though, I survived it and now I thrive because of it. I credit these years for laying the foundation for some of my most desirable attributes as an adult.
Fast forward 25+ years to the here and now.
My mind is the most valuable and impressive piece of machinery I own. It can enslave me or empower me. It can plunge me into the depths of misery or to the heights of ecstasy. It took me years of practice to harness that power and learn to use it wisely. I love that everyone I meet in life knows something that I don't. My quest for knowledge is often insatiable. I enjoy the feeling of rubbing and polishing my brain against that of others.
I typically overestimate the size of my problems and underestimate my ability to solve them. I have little patience with myself. I have a negativity committee that rents table space in the back corner of my mind and once in a while, it sends insecurity out to spice things up. When it knocks, I gladly invite it in, we have a good talk over coffee, and then I stab it square in the eye with my spoon.
I am as funny as I am smart. My sense of humor can be as dry as a popcorn fart, or wickedly sinful - and everything in between. I am sarcastic. I have been asked on multiple occasions, "Are you always this sarcastic?” No, not always, sometimes I sleep. And when I am sleeping, I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
I will never be understood by the masses. Few will take the time to look beyond my facade to see the stars that shine in the depth of my eyes. I am a closet dreamer. If given a choice to follow my head or heart, more often than not I will choose my heart's path.
I drink, smoke, burp, fart and I am fond of profanity. I would rather eat a greasy cheeseburger that requires two hands to hold, instead of a salad. You'll not catch me wearing 20 pounds of makeup, ever. I love comfortable old T-shirts. I'd rather spend the day in sweatpants or shorts than skinny jeans. I'll choose a pair of Chuck Taylor's over heels any day of the week. I'm not afraid to get dirty and break a nail - that's what soap and water is for. I will never apologize for being me. I am curious and adventurous. If something piques my interest I will jump directly in the deep end, no wading for me, and learn every possible thing I can about it. I do many things with great abandon. I know no other way to love, than wholly and completely. I am not a person everyone knows how to love. I am kind and compassionate. I strive to leave the world in better shape than when I came in to it. I have done good and I have done bad in life. I participate in random acts of kindness, and I would encourage you to do the same. I am not afraid of the truth. I would rather hear the cold hard truth vs. a loving lie. I don't believe in the impossible. I think it is just a word thrown around by people who find it easier to live in the world they've been given, rather than explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It is an opinion. It is not a declaration, it is a dare. Impossible is potential. I am loyal and supportive, although I may not always agree with your choices. I am random and crazy and I believe in ghosts.
I am unsure of how much time I have left on this earth, but I hope when the time comes, the memories I leave behind with people, make them happy and that they know they were loved.