Joined 9 years ago
I am an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a ham sandwich. Sometimes I slay dragons, but only in sketches on paper because real dragons breathe fire and have ginormous claws. Sometimes when I look down my body I can see my feet and sometimes I can’t because I am wearing shoes. I played doctor with a girl once but after bandaging fake wounds on Barbie and Ken for an hour I got the heck out of there. Never did figure out why other boys found it so much fun. If I were a color I’d be round.
I found God once, but with my luck it was his image on a scoop of ice cream at the beach while it was 100 degrees. All I could do was watch him melt. I was bummed about it until you walked by, in your tiny little black bikini that I closely inspected. Best black-eye I ever got. I tried to rub away the pain but instead got sunscreen in my eye. Squinting I stepped to my towel but simultaneously caught the edge of my shorts on the chair and tripped over it, depantsing myself and ending up groin-diving into the melted God ice cream.
In my defense I couldn’t see very well as I stood up. It was like a Monet painting, but evidently the two blobs in front of me were little kids who screamed at my exposed chocolate delight and ran away. Their mom, the middle blob, stayed to chastise me about how I should be ashamed of myself.
Well, I am.
I am ashamed of myself, but I am painted in here by an impressionist, you could cut me a little slack. I’m doing the best I can. I mean if I turn a little sideways I’ll completely disappear. Is that what you want?
I went to wash up and left a residue on the floor: sand, chocolate, blood, and sunscreen. A story that no one but me will ever know and will be washed away by the next person who will come here to wash off their own story to the place below where everything eventually goes.
Producer of adult-natured content, primarily writing, but with interest in other media formats. Just starting out. Plan on using this space to share my experience with self-publishing and to learn from others.
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