ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The secret life of Larry, the Downing Street Cat.

Updated on April 21, 2015

Not everything is as it seems.

Behind this famous door a deadly secret lurks.
Behind this famous door a deadly secret lurks.
Larry. The Downing Street Cat.
Larry. The Downing Street Cat.
Eating his brain will be better than licking the best icecream.
Eating his brain will be better than licking the best icecream.

Larry. The 10 Downing Street cat introduces his true self.



My name is Larry I am a four year old Tabby White Cat, and my current residence is in Number 10 and Number 11 Downing Street London, where I have been adopted by the family of Mr David Cameron, Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. My official title is Rat Catcher to The Cabinet Office. I was installed in my present position in February 2011. According to the official story, I was a stray cat, which was rescued by Battersea Dogs and Cats Home.


That much of the story is true, but there is a lot more to my tale than has been revealed so far, and I am definitely not the simple cat that so many in government, and in the media believe.



The fools in government imagine that I am a great ratter, and they tell their stooges in the media that they look forward to a fruitful collaboration with me, in ridding the premises of the rats, that seem to be a constant feature of the Prime Ministerial abode.



They couldn’t be farther from the truth. I may catch a few mice, and perhaps I might lay my hands on a rat or two, to lull the idiots into a false sense of security, but my real purpose in gaining access to the corridors of power has got nothing to do with pest control, at least of the rodent variety. I may eventually rid the world of some vermin. It is certainly the case that the seat of any government contains more than its fair share of these. But I won’t be depositing dead rats or mice as gifts before the Prime Minister's breakfast table. If he finds the brainless skull of the leader of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition staring at him from the foot of his bed, it might be evidence of my handiwork.



For, you see, I am not just an ordinary cat. I am a cannibalistic zombie cat; and I think my new home will be the perfect place to assuage the constant craving for human blood, and brains that afflicts every one of my species.




Life before Downing street for Larry the cat.


To lay clear the background to my story, and to let you all know how I came to be slavering with blood/brain lust outside The Cabinet Room, I have to go back about six months.



I was then living in Wimbledon as the pet of the renowned author, Mr Christopher Anton, who shared his house with the zombie, Julian Faversham. This Zombie claimed to have given up his addiction to eating humans. He was a very talented musician, and that fact alone was sufficient to allay any suspicions that Mr Anton might have entertained.



We used to all sit in the living room every evening, and Julian would entertain us by playing the immortal classics on the upright piano. Christopher grew to be inordinately fond of his moulding lodger.



But I, being a cat, and thus much more intelligent than any human, noticed things that escaped the notice of that literary booby Christopher Anton. For instance I observed Julian licking his lips while looking at him, and I had to hide behind the sofa one night, when a counsellor from Zombies Anonymous had to restrain him from rushing upstairs and devouring Christopher’s brains.



I was also a witness to the fatal attack on Mr Gutterskunk, the greedy landlord of the premises, and I personally licked up his blood from the floor.



It was this licking of the blood that first gave me a taste for diet other than the bland cat food that had always been my food up till this. It also sealed the friendship that had been growing up between the zombie and me.


I purred contentedly as I licked the brain crumbs of the late Gutterskunk from around the rancid lips of Julian Faversham.



My period of living at Wimbledon came to an abrupt end when those idiots of policemen raided the house and discovered the zombie in residence. Julian managed to dispose of one of them, but then he suddenly spontaneously combusted. In a few minutes there was nothing left of my friend but a pile of ashes in the middle of the floor.



I had been hiding in the wardrobe, and I witnessed all of this through a crack. The stupid policeman did not check it properly before securing the scene. When things became quiet I emerged from my hiding place. I was able to have a fine meal from the mangled remains of the dead police sergeant. I also licked up some of the ashes of the zombie.


When the men in white coats came to transport the gibbering wreck that was Christopher Anton to "the funny farm", I sneaked out the door.


I have not been back there since.


Larry, The Downing street cat, is looking forward to meeting President Barack Obama.



After a period living rough around South West London, I came to live in Battersea Cats and Dogs Home. A subtle change came over my body in the intervening months. When I lived in Wimbledon I was a female cat. But eating the human flesh, and the zombie ashes, has had its effect on my biology. I am now a male cat. That is the reason why the dupes in the cattery called me Larry.



Other things are not the same anymore also. At first I thought that I was experiencing some sort of false memory syndrome. I started to recall that my father was "Jack the Ripper", and my brain started to be flooded with memories of the scores of the great piano classics, things which a cat could scarcely be familiar with.


I know what was happening now. When I licked up the ashes of Julian Faversham, I took into my being his personality.


The zombie lives again, in me.



Acquiring the memories of the late Julian has been of enormous advantage to me. It has enabled me to understand completely the conversations of the attendants in the cattery. Consequently I was the only one of the animals to know that a representative of The Prime Minister was coming to look for a pet for his children. It was easy for me to put myself before the rest of the inmates when it came to selection time.


So I, Julian Faversham, cannibalistic zombie, am now the Downing Street cat.



Breaking news.



Last night the transformation became complete. This can take place at my will. I was sitting in the basement of No 10, when I suddenly felt a longing to be able to play the piano again. Almost immediately my body was transformed from being that of a tabby white cat to becoming the familiar old mouldering zombie that I can never forget. This is a power I did not suspect I had. I straightaway turned back into a purring cat. But I can now change at will.



I will have to be very discreet. I don’t want the secret services to discover my true identity. There is a piano in one of the state rooms upstairs. I will play it only at night. They will probably think that the house is haunted.



Recently I have heard them talking about Barack Obama. Apparently The President of The United States is coming to Britain for a state visit in May. He will be holding talks with the Prime Minister in Downing Street. A perfect opportunity for me.


The Presidential Brain should make a fine snack.


What happens next? Did Larry the cat attack President Obama?


To find out read my latest e-book The Zombie, the Cat and Barack Obama.


Sample it for FREE at AMAZON.

United States.

http://goo.gl/ckqfk


United Kingdom (Amazon UK)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B009CYBTC8/ref=tag_dpp_yt_edpp_rt#tags



You can also buy it from many other online retailers. Priced at less than the cost of a packet of cigarettes.



The truth is in here

Source

Ideal music for the discreet performer.

Join HubPages

Join the great community of HubPages. Express your opinions and earn money.

The best writing site on the web.

https://hubpages.com/_nj7678wss2xw/user/new

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      GarnetBird.

      Thanks for reading.

    • GarnetBird profile image

      Gloria Siess 

      7 years ago from Wrightwood, California

      Very creative work!

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      drbj.

      Thanks for reading.

      When I receive encouragement from someone as talented as you, what else can I do except continue?

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      7 years ago from south Florida

      We have a lot in common, Christopher. You speak to cats, normal or zombie, and I speak to people - now dead. If we combine our supernatural talents we might rule the world. Then again, none of our leaders seem to manage that responsibility ably.

      In the meantime, keep writing your inspirational hubs accompanied by some of the world's greatest music. I love this beautiful, soothing sonata.

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      Oddly enough, it would be a weird form of double cannibalism if Larry/Julian ate Barack's brains, since the president himself is part cat.

      https://hubpages.com/politics/Who-really-is-Barack

      Thanks for reading mysterylady 89.

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 

      7 years ago from Florida

      Thank you, Christopher. What a great ominous ending to your zombie series! Poor Obama! Little does he realize what lies in store for him.

      This morning I read the story about the new cat on Downing Street, and so your tale came at a perfect time.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)