10 Ways to Survive Mean Dogs
Special Sensitive Note:
This hub is intended for comical use of the reader. No intent to laugh-at or put any dog or animal in a disrespective light, and there were NO animals harmed in the writing of this hub. Thanks to all.who reads it. Kenneth.
Taking a Look at Your Life
gives you a lot of happiness and satisfaction. It should. Since you were a young girl with big dreams, hope and faith, you went through grade school like a breeze. High school was not that tough and you took away not only a diploma, on all A's each grading period, as well as Mugna Cum Laude, Number one Senior of All-Time and a truck load of assorted honors.
Then you set your sights on college. You, my dear, did not have to attend junior college because your alent and accelerated I.Q., gave you ease for the four regular years of collee plus two-years grad school and you won your B.S., and Master's Degrees and well, you were on your way to conquer the work world. The only choice for you to make was working your way up from vice-president of a big communications firm to the CEO, which in your case took all of two whole years.
And still, even with all of your acalades, honors, friends, family, and degrees, you have one whale of a social life. Three ot of seven nights, you are out with a different guy and these guys all came from the college where you graduated: one of those prestigious colleges. You were not going to date and marry a guy with an average job and an average life.
Then one morning it hits you! What a novel idea. You get this urge to buy yourself a cute, cuddly dog that can be with you around the clock and be your best friend in the world and by doing this, your loneliness will be a thing of the past.
So here are the 10 Ways to Know Spot Mean Dogs:
(Going from 10 down to 1).
10.) You visit your local animal shelter then find out that every dog that you like can bite through its cage.
9.) One dog at this place has eyes so cruel that you are almost hypnotized.
8.) But you are a patient young woman and pet lover, so you ask the manager of the animal shelter if he will allow you to give the dogs some water and he agrees, but the minute that a Doberman fills its mouth up with cool water, the dog spits at you with the force of enough power to bruise your arm.
7.) The pretty Collie you like is having a card game in his cage with his BFF, a Diamond Back Rattler. And now, both the animal and reptile snarl at you.
6.) You've had enough. You put an ad in the newspaper about "wanting to buy a sweet, nice, cuddly and obedient puppy." So in a day or so, this grandmother-looking woman brings you a dog like you advertise, you hand her $50-dollars and speed away. So does "Buster Bully," go running wide-open through your kitchen, bedroom and underneath your kitchen table. Uh, oh! What will "Buster Bully" do when your hot girlfriend comes over at 8 p.m. for your weekly date?
5.) You finally sell "Buster Bully," to an over-the-road trucker and he gives you his pet German Shepherd "Andy," and he is fine as long as the trucker is around, but when the trucker and truck ride away, "Andy" turns into "Mr. Hyde," all all but eats both of your legs off and by the way, you have won awards for your legs, but this is not relevant. "Andy" barks-out what you are to do now. You serve him, sing to him, and pat his hed for him to sleep. You now start looking for the Arsenic in your house.
4.) Your boyfriend, "Tedd," who is as intelligent and suave as you are, pops in at your place around 8ish. You look great. He will always look fine too. "Andy" is busy planing hide and seek. Just when you and the boyfriend are sitting on the couch making-out, "Andy" grows jealous and bites your boyfriend's shins causing a lot of blood to spew right on your expensive couch and carpet. You break into a primal cry. "Andy" licks his lips as if to tell you and the slumping boyfriend, "told you not to mess with me."
3.) You pay a dog trainer $500.00 for three weekends for him to train "Andy" because if he cannot be driven away, it's time for him to straighten-up. After two weekends, "Andy" is a new dog. He is happy, licking your hand, and always laying down at your feet to show just how much he has changed, but at the next week, good ol' "Andy," a great actor, fooled you and now he is getting even with you. And you are out the bucks for him being trained.
2.) You and your boyfriend (who is now able to walk), give "Andy" a free ride to the country and leave him tied to a tree, but leave five T-bone steaks. You are not feeling the least bit sad. "Andy" will meet a nice, evil German Shepherd and make a life for them both. Now you can relax.
1.) Three months later, something is heard scratching on your front door and you think that it is your hot boyfriend out to give you a surprise visit. Not! You open the door and there stands "Andy" with his wife, "Luciferette," and three vicious pups and they look seriously about taking YOU for walk, but will not come back.
But at least you can leave your home knowing that you can spot a mean dog anywhere.
July 02, 2020________________________________________________________
© 2020 Kenneth Avery