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Cats - 9 Lives of Cat Trickery!
Preface: 9 lives of a cat.
What's not to love about these hairball wonders?
If you're allergic to them consider a hairless cat!
Just don't forget they too hold the same "cat tactics."
These little critters are actually cats who own families from all walks of life. They have given their permission for homeowners to upload their photos to a popular website icanhazcheezeburger in hopes to gain fame and maybe fortune.
Some have, such as the famous "Grumpy Cat" you might have seen him around the internet or the famous Sad Cat Diary.
Above all you must understand cats that own us human's think a whole different way than that of us human beings.
LIFE 1: The Shape Shifter Cat
Is It Really Your Cat?
These are a special group of cats, they can take on whatever personality you want them to have! These sneaky and known as "Shape Shifting Cats!"
Unlike a shape shifting other entity, they do not change form. They stay in "cat" form. This makes it near impossible to know they have changed only their personality.
They are hard to spot as they change at will. With this photo to the side you can note this slight shifty eyes that were once big round green beams of love! Well they have shifted into the shifty slits that demand your full undivided attention! Especially if you are a writer at HubPages.
They refuse to lay down and behave while you ignore them and write about anything except them! Do not, at any cost let them know you are not writing at HubPages! They will not tolerate writing in other places unless you have indeed tricked them. It's so hard to do it's best not to try!
Note the strategically placed paw on the keyboard. They want to snuggle and have their chin scratched for hours. If you don't, those big round eyes that beam of love for you will cease and turn into the tiny slits that glare at you and refuse to let you type!
You my friend, have been duped by the Shape Shifting cat!
- DISCLAIMER: AT CHEESEBURGER, CATS SPEAK WITH A SPECIAL LANGUAGE! AS YOU CAN NOTE, THEY DEMAND THE USE OF "Z's" RATHER THAN AN "S" AND TEND TO SPELL THINGS AS THEY SOUND! IT'S ANOTHER TACTIC OF "CAT TRICKERY."
LIFE 2: The Weapon!
Trickery and Cuteness!
As you can see this bundle of fur has found his way onto it's owners reading material! See, not only does it make the cat appear adorable and cute, but it's also - wise cat trickery!
The cat will vie for attention, and most likely get it until it achieves it's goal; to get between it's owner and the owners focus! The cat wants 1 of three things:
- Attention of Petting: Chin scratching or a cheeseburger. (Some prefer fish.) Some owners might go out of their way to shape the cat food into the form of a cheese burger to appease their cat. It might help if you really need to get working on the computer.
- Attention to Play: This is a cats war zone! Now it has landed it's furry self in the perfect spot for that attention so if the cat has just eaten then it could just be snickering and demanding some good old cat & mouse play time!
- Attention for Nothing: No newspaper, no knitting, no coffee! After the cat has achieved it's ultimate goal of getting it's owner to put down the reading material the battle of Cat Domination has won and the war of trickery is over! As soon as the reader has put the newspaper down, the cat will also jump down and scamper off to a comfy place to relax and be in dreamland before you realize you've been tricked!
There you have it. You can see how this trickery has worked. You are 100% manipulated out of reading time! Just face it you have lost the battle. Although you had no idea there was a battle of any kind going on! Trickery at it's finest!
LIFE 3: Beware - the ONE EYE OPEN!
The Trickery of Pretending Sleeper!
Yes it's true! As you can see, it uses it's cat "paw" language to lull the owner into believing it's in a deep sleep! As we also can see, it has one eye open! Now we all know the saying "sleeping with one eye open" but a cat will reverse this knowledge from looking out for things that go bump in the night to actually be watching you for it's next move!
- BEWARE: The cat now has a sharp eye on you! By all means do NOT pull any trickery on it! Do NOT think you can get away with a phone call, knitting or reading!
It has been duly noted that people have actually tried to do crafts and such while their cat sleeps! Well, the minute that paper wrinkles or it hears you talking on the phone or playing with, my goodness, another animal like a dog, you are going to fall victim of the "one eye open" and the cat will be in your lap in a flash!
BY ALL MEANS DO NOT LET YOUR CAT KNOW YOU LIKE CRAFTING OR TIME TO YOURSELF! At least talk about the cat if the cat is within ear shot of your voice! If you don't it will refuse to fake sleep and be on your lap expecting your full undivided attention! Remember, you are being observed and watched by the "one eye open" cat at all times!
Life 4: Game Trickery!
The Water Bill Game Trickery!
While you're busy tapping away at the keyboard, maybe going from tab to tab, keeping track on what your friends are up to on other networking sites, checking to see if any friends have uploaded a new hub or packing for your trip to China, you gotta wonder, what is the cat up to!
True: CAT WARFARE! Do NOT leave your cat unattended with a toilet seat up! This is called "The Water Bill Trick." Do not leave the cat alone with the toilet! The trick will be on you!
- This is no joke! I truly read that my friends water bill has gone up quite a bit while they were away when it should have gone down! They didn't know why until they decided to video the TOILET! You bet, the toilet! They found out when they got home their cat had learned how to flush the toilet! The cat watched amazed at the water swirling around! When it stopped the cat went up with both paws pulling that lever down to swirl that water AGAIN! The cat did this repeatedly, until he stick his little paw in and decided he didn't like the actual FEEL of this swirling water, so it just watched the water in in complete awe! It cost on average about .2 per flush depending on your toilet! TRUE!
So do NOT let the "isn't my reflection cute" tactic fool you into leaving your cat alone with the toilet! This is another cat tactic, and potentially psychological warfare, right up there with climbing up the last roll of toilet paper leaving you with an unexplained bill and, well dripping dry!
LIFE 5: The "Going For A Walk" trickery!
The Fancy Leash Trick!
Cats see people walking their dogs, but seriously now, how many people do you see out walking their cat?
- DO NOT FALL FOR THE WALKING OF THE CAT! Regardless of the fact your cat somehow got the leash on and lays on it's back vying for attention so badly it's willing to act like it wants to go on a walk! The cat is NOT going on a walk.
Once you open the door the cat will run back in and latch it's claws into the nearest object it can find! It could be the coat rack or even the dog, worse yet, your spouse! The cat has tricked you into another attention getting tactic! It will never have plans on going for a walk! Ever!
- The jealousy of walking the dog is another tactic used to manipulate your attention away from the dog or other family members!
The ONLY, and I mean ONLY time the inside cat wants to go outside is to either trick you or chase the bird that taunts it from the window. He has no intentions of walking on a leash like your loyal canine! Just don't fall for "The Walk." The cat's not going! Not even to show off the new fluorescent green leash.
Life 6: The time observer!
The computer savvy time manipulator!
You might not realize it but even the sweet kitten has already been learning your every move. The kitten knows this machine object you open let's you do work faster, write letters faster and even print your Christmas cards and mailing labels off much quicker than the old fashion pencil or pen!
The minute you sit down at the table to write out your shopping list the smart kitten has already witnessed you printing things off and zipping out the door! Printed list in hand has given the small kitten it's first knowledge that "machine is quicker than writing."
- WARNING: It has already learned by watching your fingers glide from letter to letter to print! So do not think for one minute you're going to trick the little one into thinking a quick "milk, bread and cat food" list is going to be any quicker than your computer. Even if it is, you cannot even fool the kitten into believing it, because it has never seen it happen. It means less time spent with "Kitten Attention."
Although there could be a slight chance you can hold the kitten and try to convince it that you're only going for cat food and if the kitten is good and let's you write you'll get sardines or maybe something great out of the fresh fish section and will speed home as quickly as humanly possible. You can try this, but there is no guarantee it will work.
Life 7: The Watch and Learn Trickery!
One of the oldest tricks in the book! As we've learned the cat owns the human and only lets the human believe it's a "cat owner." There is no such thing as "a cat woman" or "the lady who owns too many cats." The poor woman has just been tricked by so many cats they begin to take over her entire household and even bring in strays. If they're really good they're going to get a hold on your neighbors cat or it's vulnerable kittens as well.
Trust me this cat, with it's huge prying eyes is should not be trusted! Sure, it might be taking a gander at the cats next door but after all it is a cat! It has more tricks up it's sleeve, not just because it has 4 arms but because it could have more than over taking a household on it's mind! Besides, your neighbors might not even have cats and this one is using "SPY trickery" with those huge green peepers! It's possible the neighbors are dog owners!
- No, there is no way your cat deems this as snooping. They truly believe they are protecting their domain. (that would be you and your home.)
Life 8: Watch and Learn Trickery pt. 2
The FAKER pt. 2!
Once this green eyed adorable snooper has tricked you into believing that it's doing the faithful job of watching out for any foreign invaders such as mice or the dreaded spider that might come into it's, um your domain, still the playful and trickery tactics in that cute head are still spinning their wheels to get you to play.
- Do not forget, attention is the ultimate goal of a cat.
You've been a faithful and loyal "owner" and done your duties fine! You've made it to the store and got the most important things on your grocery list. Cat food, and cat snacks. Possibly sardines or even that special thing from the sea food counter. I once knew a cat that fancied crab legs cooked to perfection. Without butter or any other fish sauce that a human would have. When they say cats are finicky that's really just an understatement.
Now this cat has given promise to the master chef (you) that it will play alone and even let you get some work done on that pesky typing machine as long as it can smell a fresh pot of crab legs simmering in the cooker. Since the cat knows it really has to wait for the perfect dinner, it will possibly "cat nap" while you work, and if the cat happens to actually fall into a true cat slumber, you might have time to get a quick game or status post in at the wonderful world of facebook.
Two important details:
- Never use the word facebook within ear shot of your cat!
- If possible remember to turn off sounds on your computer and try to get one that has a very quiet keyboard! This will prevent the tapping keyboard to wake the accidental slumber of your cat!
HOWEVER IN THE EVENT YOUR CAT DID NOT FALL INTO THE ACCIDENTAL SLUMBER YOU MUST NOT FORGET YOUR EVERY KEYSTROKE IS BEING OBSERVED AND POSSIBLY KEPT IN THE MEMORY OF THE "Sneaky Cat" WHO WILL BE ABLE TO SABOTAGE ANY AND ALL WORK YOU HAVE SAVED ON YOUR COMPUTER.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A CAT! NEVER!
Life 9: The Hiding Spy Cat
The PASSWORD Thief Cat!
If you have a cat or six, it could be wise to invest in a backup drive. Such as the B-Book or even a few flash drives. Nothing can be more annoying or time consuming than having to recover your work, and worse yet, your passwords!
The term "Cat Burglars" didn't come from icanhascheeseburger like they want you to think! Burger - Burglar? Just too close! You'll not find the true meaning of Cat Burglars in any dictionary or encyclopedia. Why? Because it's a language and tactic for cats and cats alone! Yes it does mean they have hid in a place where their extraordinary vision could hone in on your keystrokes and have used their claws to embed passwords in the most strategic of places. This way if "Water Bill Game Trickery" didn't get you to include your sweet fluffy on your next stay away from home then you are in for the most devastating "cat tactic" in cat history!
The deletion of all your work, strange things posted as a status on your facebook account, and worse yet, they could possibly know how to ultimately put your computer back to it's factory settings! You could end up in the mental ward at the local hospital weaving baskets.
Dogz n' Catz
Who do you trust in your house the most when you're gone?
4 Ways to Keep Your Passwords Safe!
- Never leave a flash drive or B-Book backup connected to the computer before you leave it alone with your cat.
- Never write or keep your passwords stored in your computer.
- Always try to hide logging in from prying eyes.
- Always make your passwords too difficult for your cat to remember or copy with their claws!
- Try to keep them with you at all times.
Good Luck dear cat owner!
While many believe in the 9 lives of a cat theory, it could be another part of cat trickery!
Since I don't think we've ever really seen a cat go through 9 lives, I believe it's best to be safe than sorry. In this I mean, we should take precautions as necessary to keep these things above in mind as a "just in case" the 9 Lives is really true.
After all, cats are known to be quite sneaky as we've seen with the Water Bill cat and the password thief cat.
Also, let's be wary and alert of the "Cat Lady" in your neighborhood. Now that we know the cats have really taken her over they could be scoping out the next neighborhood victim.