Daily Weird #24 The cross-eyed opossum

An opossum is an opossum, is an opossum. Unless it’s a cross-eyed opossum, then it’s a star!

Heidi the cross-eyed opossum lives at the Leipzig Zoo in Germany. Heidi has a facebook page, YouTube videos, and a following that would make Dave Barry jealous. Why? Because she’s fat, and she’s cross eyed. If only I had known.

I have a lot in common with Heidi. Heidi is originally from North Carolina. I used to live in North Carolina. Heidi is overweight and currently on a diet. Hey, me too! Heidi is little. I’m short! Heidi is cross-eyed. I can cross my eyes.

I’m not going to say I’m jealous of Heidi, but with around 150,000 friends on facebook alone…. Ok, I’m jealous. I’d like to see her keep up a “poking” contest with them all, though! “Make sure and wish all your “friends” happy birthday, Heidi. Oh, and don’t forget to send them all stuff for Mafia Wars and their dang ol’ farms!”

Good luck with that.

So, Heidi is a star. She has traveled across the Atlantic Ocean, from a place where the people add extra syllables to their words, to a place where they take syllables off of their words, and clear their throats every time they speak. I’m sure it’s been tough on the girl. No wonder she’s gained weight. She’s stress eating.

Opossums, like women over 40, have almost zero chance of losing weight. Unlike women over 40, however, opossums that are overweight tend to go cross-eyed and have people fawn over them. Also unlike women over 40, opossums rarely reach the age of 4. I guess I can give Heidi some slack. She’s around 2 now; she’ll most likely die soon.

Heidi is also a member of an elite group. At least, she was a member of an elite group over here in North America. Heidi is a marsupial. That means she’s from Mars, and has an ail that stands straight up. Ok, it doesn’t mean that, but how cool would that be? No, I don't know what an "ail" is, I'm assuming it's how they say "tail" in Martian.

Opossums are the only marsupials here in North America. The only ones. We don’t have any others. My question is this. If opossums are the last of the marsupials, why do we keep squishing them on the highway? Shouldn’t we at least give them the same courtesy as deer, and put up a crossing sign? The sign would read, "Roadkill, next two miles".

Heidi is cute. There’s no denying it. The person who runs her over in the road one day will be very sad.

Good luck Heidi, seriously, you're going to need it.