ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

God Have Mercy on the Poor Roadkill

Updated on June 25, 2019
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

Mike Rowe Cleans Up Roadkill

I Really Had A Tough Time

sorting out my headline. I wanted a headline that had both, the cold truth, and a bit of clever word-smithing about roadkill, which by the way, is a common sight along every highway system in the U.S.A. I know. I have to go to Tupelo, Miss., a few times each month to visit my doctors, and rolling down I-22 from Hamilton, Ala., to Tupelo you can take your pick of seeing roadkill: deer, dogs, cats, raccoons, and an occasional snake just laying there. No one with any sensible, respectful image of themselves are there to do the right thing in taking the roadkill to a nice place of rest.

But nooooo! I guess that the county or state departments who handle such problems are not motivated enough to stand-up from their lazy butt's and get the offensive roadkill taken away to clean the right-of-way's of said highway, so us travelers can ride without offense. I mean. Have YOU ever driven or ridden and suddenly, there was this huge animal just laying on the roadside or even (in) the road? Didn't you get a twinge in your stomach? If you did. Don't worry. You are supposed to feel something, because you have something most mortals do not have: compassion. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a few hundred compassionate men and women who just might work for nothing to just keep our highways clean of dead carcasses which can cause people to be ill and sometimes have a serious accident from glancing at these animal remains.

Believe me. This hub was NOT easy to write. In fact, I wish that I had enough fodder to write about the late (and very lovely) Jayne Mansfield, Jane Russell, and Natalie Wood. Any or all three would be just fine. But . . .I have heard that if you write only about the "soft" and cushy topics, you will not know how to cope with a challenge--such as this challenge. How many of you have ever sat down and staring right at you (on a scrap of sticky-note) was an idea of "writing about roadkill?" If you have, did you first squirm with discomfort? Did you head to the nearest golf course to take on 18 holes rather than tackle the Roadkill Topic? If you did both or one, I am not here to judge. I suppose that you have already sensed that I am FOR the roadkill.

Sure, Snakes Can Be Lethal, But They Deserve Life Just Like Us.
Sure, Snakes Can Be Lethal, But They Deserve Life Just Like Us. | Source

Putting Myself Into The Shoes Of

roadkill, firstly, I would be very scared and cautious if I were standing on the side of a busy interstate and cautious due to it being my life or the life of my loving companion that was fast enough to get to the other side of the highway. I would say that “she” is a younger species of my chosen species, but that would sound like that I am making excuses for not scampering to get to her. But her young age notwithstanding, my issue of her being younger is not her fault. I was caught-up in a fiery wave of lust during one hot summer night and well, there I was just trotting down a trail in the woods and there “she” stood, looking so pretty and her figure, well, what normal minded varmint (such as myself) would run from a female like her?

Well, to make a long story short, we got together and had a great night and for the rest of that weekend and we had made plans to move from the wooded area where we met, so we could get to the other side of the highway where I was walking, then she winked at me and in a flash she was gone—leaving me standing by the side of this highway and I know that if I were to take a few steps, one of those diesel rigs would surely make mince meat out of me, so you can understand my dilemma.

The Sad Fact Remains

that that it is the toughest task in the world to live and exist as a varmint such as myself. I would describe my looks, but I am not joining any Lonely Varmint's Club, so I will just leave it right there. Actually, I am a gentle varmint. I do not growl or bite unless provoked. Live and let live is how I live. And there has been the awkward occasion where I encountered a trigger-happy human being hunter, but I eluded him by hiding in a hollow log, but that was when I was a younger varmint. Now, thanks to my wild night-time love life with my companion, this lifestyle has taken its toll. I am not complaining.

And really, I do not blame anyone for running over animals and varmints because they had free will and if they did not know when to run or get hit by a tricked-out automobile driven by a wild teenage guy, then that is their lot in life. But what about me? I know that by each passing moment, my companion just might be hooking-up with another varmint like me, or well, kinda like me. Time was when she and I met that I was known as a Play Varmint and all of the female varmints knew me and how I lived, but they didn’t care. The thing is, I wanted to settle-down and give up that wild night life, so Mother Nature had it that I met this gorgeous female varmint and that was the best four-months of our lives.

So what should I do, stay or run like the wind? I have never been so scared. My four legs are trembling. I have even hoped that a jack rabbit, swift as the wind, would venture by and let me talk him into letting me ride on his back so he could get us both to the other side of this dangerous road and then find my female varmint mate. Yeah. That would work. Oh, it won’t either. The jack rabbit would get angry at me even asking to ride on his back because he would surely accuse me of being a gay varmint. How could I get him to see that I am a normal wooded varmint who means no harm to any varmint with an alternate lifestyle. Just let me get across the highway safely. Is that too much to ask?

This Photo Breaks My Heart At Knowing That These Cute Animals Can Be Roadkill.
This Photo Breaks My Heart At Knowing That These Cute Animals Can Be Roadkill. | Source

If I Had One Human To Tell

about it feels to live like a varmint as well as die like a varmint, I feel that the Human Race would not be so hasty as to run their vehicles as fast as a fading moment just get to somewhere else and take my life and other’s lives in the process, but I do not. Actually, “we” the Varmints, who are NOT yet roadkill, should be more grateful that we are able to get through these woods—because there are sharp thorns and vines in there and my friends have just learned how to “growl and bear it,” and go where we can. It has not been easy, I am here to tell you.

If it were left to me entirely, I would put these ideas to work and possibly save my varmint buddies and then my lovely Female Varmint, “Varmie,” would see how that I am taking care of my friends and when she sees me (from the other side of the highway) she would run back to my four legs.


First Off I Would

put more Signal Lights to work instead of those hokey “Varmints Crossing” with a silhouette of me, drawn to look like me on the yellow sign, you know? Like those stupid Deer Crossing signs, I know that “my” sign, colored in Green, with a real painting of me smiling, not looking fearful, would cause the humans to stop and think and then possibly save the lives of us Varmints, deer, dogs, chipmunks, squirrels, deer and snakes and help maintain wildlife for Mother Nature.

Secondly, I would ask for a meeting of the Spokes-Varmint, me, of course, and the Highway Departments of the United States and sit down and talk about this problem like civilized people and Varmints. Talk CAN lead to minds being changed and I tell you, CHANGE is what all my friends need. If both parties,the Varmints and the Highway Department come to a peaceable understanding, we, the Varmints, would not be having to run our four feet off to get to a safe passage to be with our companions and friends. I would also add that the speed limit for a certain amount of miles can be lessened in order to give me and other Varmints a sporting chance thus helping “us” to stay alive and letting the human being alive as well.

Thirdly, I would have elections given in “my” Varmint Kingdom, to elect noble, sensible, and gentle Varmints to set as guards every 20 or so miles and they would be responsible for the other Varmints who wanting to cross the said highways. I would name the other Varmints as Guard Crossing Varmints, and get them proper attire such as Red Vests and White Helmets just so the wild-driving humans could spot them and let the big hearted Varmints to live another day and cross another highway.

These Three Things, I Believe

are enough for the human beings (whom I have been talking to) start thinking in terms of Safety and Survival of us Varmints. What I really mean is: Shouldn’t the varmints’ lives be treated as fairly and safely as those of human beings? I do. I really do. And if my three safety measures can save ONE varmint, then the ideas were well worth it.

I feel much better now. Ahhh, it has been said that “All good things come to those Varmints who wait,” so there is my break. The State Troopers have stopped the traffic for a license check, so I can walk as slow as I please to hopefully find my only true love: “Varmie.”

Summary

Long live the Varmints, here and across the U.S.A. And the world at large. After much deliberation and soul-searching, I can tell you that “Varmints are people too!”

June 25, 2019______________________________________________


The Opossum Is One Of The Most-Hit By Cars And Become, I Can't Say It!
The Opossum Is One Of The Most-Hit By Cars And Become, I Can't Say It! | Source

© 2019 Kenneth Avery

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image

      Ken Avery 

      4 months ago

      Well, well, Doris: I am Extremely-Proud of you!!! And I am also PROUD of calling YOU My Friend. Great job on the book . . .and if you would take this suggestion, which I am sure that your partner has mentioned it, but DO get a Good Lawyer and that way, he can set up a copyright Law where you are free to publish without theft and you can prosecute the violators.

      Keep up the fine work. and do e-mail me with the details.

      Again, great job.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      4 months ago from Beautiful South

      Kenneth, hey Swe' Pea, I have just finished co-authoring a book with a distant cousin. He wrote a book and his publisher stole it from him. I rewrote it and we are holding off publishing it until about October; personal reasons of his. He doesn't even want to promote it right now. In the meantime, I think I'll get back on my hubs since I haven't written any in a long time. Since you're curious, I'll email you with some details.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Doris . . .you liked the cute squirrel? Awwee, how sweet of you. And I appreciate your comments. Did you have a desire to write a book about Real Life in The South? I suggested that.

      And you have probably written a book and I forgot you telling me.

      Write me anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Angel: you are very welcome for the nice comments.

      Words have always helped me and your words were very interesting. This topic was rather difficult, but I wanted to blend in compassion and respect for the animal carcasses.

      Write soon.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Bronwen . . .I can understand your dilemma about kangaroo, wallabies and wombats. And I thought that we, in the USA, had things that bother us.

      Thank you for stopping by and leaving such an interesting comment.

      Write soon.

    • BlossomSB profile image

      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 

      4 months ago from Victoria, Australia

      We have the problem in Australia, too. Any drive, especially in country areas and we see dead kangaroos, wallabies, wombats, possums. In fact sometime we joke and say that when we go to the country we don't see much wild-life, only dead-life! The authorities do try to prevent it, with warning signs, tall fences to prevent creatures getting onto the highways, and even in koala areas putting in tree-trunk poles on the road side of the fence, so that if any koala does manage to get onto the road he can climb back up over the fence, back into the bushland.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      4 months ago from Beautiful South

      I live in the county so I see a lot of these poor little critters lying on the roadside. For several days now, a large turtle has lain on the eastbound shoulder of I-40, obviously hit by a vehicle. It is either the biggest box turtle I've ever seen or a water turtle left on land by our receding flood from the Arkansas River. Our usual roadkill in this area is a deer.

      Your photo of a red squirrel is heart rendering because it is a potential victim. Fortunately I was able to stop when a gray rodent ran out in front of me this week. A friend of ours lost his daughter because she swerved to miss a dog crossing the highway, so sometimes it is the human who becomes the roadkill. Very sad either way, my friend.

    • Angel Guzman profile image

      Angel Guzman 

      4 months ago from Joliet, Illinois

      Very important topic Ken. I don't see it that often but i do sometimes. Its a really tough balance of wanting to respect wildlife and at the same time we have places to go. Good read bud.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)