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Our Internet Needs More Cats

Updated on May 9, 2013
Artists rendering.
Artists rendering. | Source

Keep the 'Net Free. You can do it.

Dogs, horses, ferrets, gerbils, snakes, and hermit crabs make lovely pets. We all enjoy coming home to a panting slobbering shedding beast of a canine after a long day of of offering to upsize combo meals for ungrateful customers. Instead of dragging the thing through the neighborhood and picking up droppings with a plastic bag, go online and look at some cats. It's cheaper and it usually smells better.

This is a good start.
This is a good start.
Can't be resisted. Just try.
Can't be resisted. Just try. | Source

Here are some free cats

In the interest of free cats, we provide photos of cats. Don't thank me, just gaze lovingly and resist the urge to pet your screen.

This particular cat wields a far-away gaze indicative of sleepless nights hiding from the dog. It's almost illegally cute and you can't argue with that. Don't try. Some countries plan to deploy images of this cat in the event of national disaster.

A self-reliant outdoor cat that would just as soon take your toe off as play with a catnip mouse.
A self-reliant outdoor cat that would just as soon take your toe off as play with a catnip mouse. | Source

YAC. Yet Another Cat

In keeping with our premise that our Internet needs more cats, we proudly present another cat. This particular feline example lives outdoors. It subsists on mice, shrews, birds, rabbits, and mostly Purina Cat Show left on the neighbor's back porch. It's an adorable beast compared to the average Labrador Retriever. It requires no maintenance except for the occasional rub behind either ear. It's devastatingly cute under any conditions.

An asymmetrical cat.
An asymmetrical cat. | Source

One more cat

This cat is at home on either side of an Oreo Cookie. Were you to find it digging up your tomatoes, you would for a nanosecond be incensed, then you would be overwhelmed by innate cuteness. You would whip out the cat toy that you always carry and attempt to build a lasting relationship with the kitty. It could happen.

Worthless, but more valuable than any teacup poodle.
Worthless, but more valuable than any teacup poodle.

Typical cat

No cat need be pure-bred or demonstrate a lengthy documented lineage, as is required of horses or venomous ducks. The average cat on its worst day emits more molecules of cuteness than a kennel of Bichon Frise specimens. This is a very average cat.

This particular cat has won several endearment contests and her adorable quotient is off the charts. Cat scientists don't come from near and far to study her, but she does like to play with string.

The same cat as before, but Our Internet needs more cats anyway.
The same cat as before, but Our Internet needs more cats anyway.

Typical cat, redux

As stated previously, any cat image benefits the Internet immeasurably. Experts estimate that if every online dog photo was deleted, the world would be a better place by 6.34%. We cannot differ.

Here is the same cat again. In this particular photo there is no dog, no snake, no marmoset, and no other cat to distract from the distribution of cuteness. Scientific analysis by real scientists indicates an extremely high level of adorability emanating from this cat, which is easily observed by even the most casual observer.

This is not a cat. Somehow it slipped into this article.
This is not a cat. Somehow it slipped into this article.

Don't be confused by imitations

Be sure to obtain cat-related services from actual feline creatures. All too often a less-desirable example of nature's mistakes will attempt to curry favor. Particularly disconcerting are the chihuahuas venturing up from Mexico, taking jobs away from American cats. Don't get confused.

Comments

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    • Mark Ewbie profile image

      Mark Ewbie 

      5 years ago from UK

      Hope it works for you. Meanwhile.. traffic seems to be dropping faster than an internet cat that just fell off a very high place.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      OK, I edited it. We shall see if the NOINDEX is removed.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      OK, getting 5 hits a day but HubPages still adds in the NOINDEX attribute.

      Double Sigh.

    • Mark Ewbie profile image

      Mark Ewbie 

      5 years ago from UK

      Lol. Very good.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      I am showing them, but they won't let anyone see.

    • Mark Ewbie profile image

      Mark Ewbie 

      5 years ago from UK

      Yeah - you and me both. We'll show 'em.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      I am stellar, as are you.

    • Mark Ewbie profile image

      Mark Ewbie 

      5 years ago from UK

      Go Stellar?

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      I am so mad. This hub is published with a NOINDEX attribute in the robots meta tag.

      What's a writer gotta do to get respect?

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      OK, I wrote a How-To:

      https://hubpages.com/education/How-to-Write-a-Syll...

      It better make me rich. You said so.

    • Mark Ewbie profile image

      Mark Ewbie 

      5 years ago from UK

      Hey Nicomp. Selling the humor thing is tough. A Ten Funny Cat Jokes might do something - but even then the advertising is poorly paid. The stuff I want to write earns nothing and gets no / few views. It is slightly disappointing.

      I need to do practical things and document them - but I just want to draw stickmen. And cats I suppose.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Instruction? I will try that today. Good grief, I've tried every other style . Nothing to lose at this point.

      You write a cat hub and I will write an instruction hub and we will exchange links. That will make us both rich.

    • Mark Ewbie profile image

      Mark Ewbie 

      5 years ago from UK

      Matt Cutts - code for More Cats. There's your answer. Seriously though - it's tough. My 'best' stuff gets nothing. Simple instruction is better. But.... that is dull.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Mark, woah!! Matt Cutts says I just need to write good!

    • Mark Ewbie profile image

      Mark Ewbie 

      5 years ago from UK

      Keyword research mate. And luck. Doesn't work for me either.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Less than 100 views, and half are probably me. Sigh!

    • Vin Chauhun profile image

      Vin Chauhun 

      6 years ago from Durban

      its terrible to lose any pet.....it does leave a void.....all we have are the memories....

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Kittens certainly do have better fur. Purring is preferable to barking. Cats are more snuggleable. Dogs are more protective. Cats probably do rule over dogs that drool.

      But dog poop still smells better than cat poop. (For those of us that go around smelling either one.)

      I have two dogs and two cats, so I'm not prejudiced to either side. However, I did just lose the best dog in the entire universe to cancer. He was very, very special. I still miss my little man.

    • Vin Chauhun profile image

      Vin Chauhun 

      6 years ago from Durban

      @Austinstar - for dogs it is the highest..for cats 0.0000009873211%.....it makes me feel so warm that i purr[oops...i think i've been caught out...Vin Chauhun is cat masquerading as human].......there is only one other animal that smells better than puppies...kittens....:)

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      @Vin Chauhun - What is the happiness quotient of the Canary Islands? (Named for Canines - not birds). I think it may be the highest in the world.

      Although I do agree that Dogs think of US as gods and cats think they ARE gods.

      P.S. - Absolutely nothing smells as good as puppies do :-)

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Vin Chauhun: duh.

    • Rod Marsden profile image

      Rod Marsden 

      6 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

      You bet, Austinstar.

    • Vin Chauhun profile image

      Vin Chauhun 

      6 years ago from Durban

      In a recent study by the Max Pantera Instititute, in Berlin, it has been shown the happiness index world can be increase by 96,34% if human are shown a picture of any feline for a period of three hours daily, furthermore the study concludes, 100% reduction in exposure to dogs[canids] further enhances feelings of wellbeing.

      The researchers Sylvester Milodon and co-researcher Felix Maximus also concluded that the servile [human] population experience greater productivity when they are in the presence of cat hair and/or pictures.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Desk Job? emm, the CAT is now out of the bag! ROFL

    • James McCullough profile image

      James McCullough 

      6 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      Less cats, more sabre tooth tigers. When will the internetz learn?

    • Rod Marsden profile image

      Rod Marsden 

      6 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

      Well, why not? The cat is in the cradle and all is right with the world.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      So... you have a new novel... called Desk Job...

      Well played, my friend. Well played.

    • Rod Marsden profile image

      Rod Marsden 

      6 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

      Well, I have a niece, Aila, who has a new pet cat so I can't growl too loudly at the wee beasties or she'll get upset with me. Yes Austinstar, I too like the reference to kitty cats in the show The Big Bang Theory. I was once involved in an anthology titled Cats Do it Better. One of my cats was a sailing feline. As for personal kitty cats, I have a few running around in my new novel, Desk Job, and, aside from owning one or one owning you, it is hard to get more personal.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      I had to Google "eponymous". I'm so confused.

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 

      6 years ago

      I'm a bit of a dog so I growled a bit reading this!!!

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: there's enough dogs on the Internet. We need more cats. Your comments are always welcome!

      @Austinstar : Don't underestimate the eponymous Google.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Doubt it.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      I like dogs more but I read this anyway - for you.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Austinstar: Now I will be flagged by Google for copyright violations! :)

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Soft kitty, warm kitty

      Little ball of fur

      Happy kitty, sleepy kitty

      Purr, Purr, Purr

    • Mark Ewbie profile image

      Mark Ewbie 

      6 years ago from UK

      Thanks Nicomp!

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image

      Amy L. Tarr 

      6 years ago from Home

      Voted funny. How about a celebrity cat hub? You might include: the cat who danced with Paula Abdul, Felix the cat, the ceiling cat, hang in there kitty, and the Fancy Feast cat to add some class to the hub.

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