Wussy Fang Face
Pansy Wussy Fang Face
**Actually, some helpful advice in the comments section would be welcomed!!**
We have a 110lb brown-white husky malamute, named Quin, who is about ten years old. See him? He's right there on the side of this text. He's a big dog. Most people are afraid of him. Or should be. He's like the great white shark only for dogs. He's like a wolf dog. You would think to yourself, self, this is a potentially dangerous dog. He looks strong. He looks brave. Certainly, in most human vs dog match ups it would be the person and not this dog who would be afraid. Unless you are Cesar Milan or something.
And now it is winter. A new crust of snow has fallen actually. The dog has a big thick coat. It is a sled dog. It should love to be outside. But he does not. He does but only if someone is out there. Namely, his momma. 'Cause Mr. Furry Fang Face is one big pansy wussy momma's boy of a dog.
He's a fear factory. He's afraid of thunder. That is kind of common. As well as fireworks. Also common. He's afraid of watermelon. Not so common. He was afraid of my daughter's plastic hobby horse but we got rid of that. We didn't help the fear sometimes. Because it was convenient to put a table up with a strategically placed watermelon to keep wussydog away from company. Because when "new" people arrive he has to "mingle" with you for a good five to ten minutes. After that he's good. If you don't want to "mingle" (as many don't) then he will want to "mingle" with you for the rest of the night. "Mingle" means he wants to force you to rub his face and lick yours if he can or better still... maybe nibble on your chin.
Yes, I know you are thinking we aren't maybe the best dog people and we do realize that now. We've gotten some expensive doggy shrink help. We are improved some. But still, this 110lb husky is a wuss. Anyway, on his going outside... if you aren't out there he wants to keep it brief outside. Normally, he just wants to do a little dookie or two and maybe lay there for a few minutes and then come inside. Unlike the rat (terrier), he doesn't give a frig about the squirrels. But he's afraid of linoleum. And laminate wood flooring apparently, which we just put in the room he needs to go through to get outside. Or inside. Which is where the problem is.
You can't get him inside. He's afraid to step onto the floor. His feet spread apart and he gets all crybaby about it. If he doesn't think about it or if you are holding a slab of meat... then he'll cross but I'm not pulling out a hunk of meat every time this dog wants back in from a trip to wee.
So we've put up some "runners", carpet that runs from the door to the living room and gives Quin a path from deck to the safe sanctuary of the living room carpet. But he doesn't like it. So you have to pull a carpet over the door so it flops onto the deck. But he doesn't always like that. So you get sick of that and let him sit for a bit until he barks and then we do it again. To get him in, especially if you just want to get back to bed and sleep from a 3am pee session, you have to tell him what a "brave brave boy" he is. "Such a brave brave boy! I've never seen such a big boy!!!" And you have to do it with meaning. Or he won't move. You have to push off your thoughts of how this 110lb wolf hound is certainly NOT a big brave boy and is in actuality a pansy wussy fang face!!! WHILE you convincingly tell him he is a "brave brave boy".
It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for him. Most of the time he keeps it cool and acts likes he's a bad ass dog maybe even. Sort of. If you don't know yet, you probably think he's a tough guy. But a clap of thunder or linoleum floor later... he's running off like Scooby with Shaggy. Luckily, he can snake to the backyard via our garage which doesn't seem to be such a problem for him. The big wussy fang face.