Snakes That I’d Love to Have as Dinner Guests

the headline has a double-meaning. The first meaning, one of civility, and the second one, a bit more barbaric. I do not really know which one that I shall choose, so do not back me in a corner on this one.

I am NOT an expert on snakes. Briefly, I have a healthy respect for ALL snakes. I try to live by one simple rule: If the snake does not bother me, I won’t bother the snake. Anyone with a sixth-grade can follow this rule.

Fact: not ALL snakes are lethal— the King Snake, the Rat Snake, the Chicken Snake, the Green Garter Snake and the Black Racer Snake. We are all familiar with the lethal snakes — King Cobra, Rattlesnake, (including the Ground Rattler, Diamond Back Rattler and Timber Rattler) Cotton Mouth, Copper Head, Coral Snake, the Sea Snake, the Python, the Boa Constrictor, the Anaconda, and the Bush Master. It would pay ALL of us to study those snakes that when they bite us, we could have the proper first-aid preparation ready and able to use it as to save our lives.

Fact: not ALL poisonous snakes will strike at the human beings (Strike means bite.) The fact is when the Lethal snakes strike is when they are in the Defensive Mode, so they can survive us, the human beings or other snakes that thrive on the poisonous snakes, thus able to make a meal out of them. (e.g. the King Snake can be thought of as “Nature’s Assassin,” when confronted with the poisonous snakes, and will terminate the dangerous snakes, thus keeping Nature in balance.

which snake(s) would be suitable to have as a dinner guest? That is true. I am not crazed with a mad imagination, just a bit curious about a topic that I have never mentioned before now. Oh, I am not promoting or condoning the eating with poisonous snakes or the killing of them, just a wacky idea to sit down and eat a delicious meal of a Non-Snake dish and then say our niceties and go our separate ways.

Fact: and I really do not need to inform you about what snakes that can hurt and possibly kill you, but those that I advise you to NOT try to dine with them are . . . King Cobra, Rattlesnake, (including the Ground Rattler, Diamond Back Rattler and Timber Rattler) Cotton Mouth, Copper Head, Coral Snake, the Sea Snake, the Python, the Boa Constrictor, the Anaconda, and the Bush Master. I give “these” snakes a lot of respect for their mysterious names, but as for taking them out for a dinner and show, forget it. It would take me and their agents a lot of time to negotiate the terms of how the snakes could dress, what foods they could eat, and what topics should I talk about to the snakes while dining.

Should I pick-up the snakes(s) for my dinner date? This is optional. If the need arises, and the snake being of dangerous or of non-dangerous backgrounds, I could hail a Yellow Cab to have both the Dangerous and Non-Dangerous Snakes a comfortable ride going to the restaurant of choice.

What about wardrobe choices? Well, I am not going to go all out and dress too outlandish for a dinner date with a snake, but I would recommend that I could wear a nice sports shirt and slacks and a pair of comfortable sneaker-type shoes. The ONE thing that will ruin any dinner date is a pair of shoes that are TOO tight—making me and my feet fits of uncomfort and pain like you will not believe.

I will leave the choices of the snake’s wardrobe and shoes to the snake—since the snake will be the one wearing them and I would not want to cause any offense to the snake (and running the risk of getting bit by the poisonous fangs), I should just trust what the snake wants to wear. But I would carefully-advise the snake to cover its privates as there will be other diners in the restaurant and I would not want them to be offended or laughed at.