ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Some Rules for my Cats

Updated on October 4, 2015
Greta, a former semi-Feral kitty!
Greta, a former semi-Feral kitty! | Source

Cats Rule

I guess that's what makes them so special to me:
They don't try to please you and make you work for their love and trust!

Cats have always fascinated me and I have a hart time with the euthanasia rates for cats at Animal Control shelters. The County below me has a 100% euthanasia rate for these beautiful, elegantly agile and fascinating creatures!

But, their very own way of doing things THEIR WAY does come with a few things I feel I need to address with my spoiled rotten kitties! I love my peace and quiet and I expect them, despite respecting them, to at least try to fit into my personal Garden Eden!

So here are some things I would like to address with you guys and girls. Yes, I am talking to you Blizzard, Breeze, Logan, Honeybear, Greta, Simba, Lily, Ayden, Maya and else.

And by the way:
Some of them were or are feral; living their lives as peacefully beside me as they please!


Some rules for my cats

1. While your presence is enjoyed, your company an honor, your strategically placed self on my homework will not get it done earlier and will actually take time away from your personal snuggle time!

2. You are a beautiful creature to watch in motion, but you walking in front of my face across my laptop will not only ruin the work of the last hours, but may possibly cause my laptop to stop cooperating!

3. I enjoy the warmth when you lay on my back and I actually consider it part of my physical therapy, but when you decide to stretch, please consider that T-Shirts are not made out of claw-proof material!

4. When I wake up in the morning, despite enjoying your company and loving you, it will not contribute to my morning to have you sleep within a ¼ inch of my face. Cat hair is not a proper diet!

5. I understand that stocking is a cat’s natural ability, but inching yourself forward and starring holes into my head will not make me feed you with my lunch!

6. Short and sweet: If I was laying there before I walked into the kitchen/bathroom, there is a very good possibility that I will want to lay in the same spot again. Use the remaining part of the king size bed!

7. I enjoy your company as you do mine. Stretching out to a length of feet will not gain you favors, my attention or affection. God, I wish I would have bought a cat-size bed!

8. Notice to self: Buying ten pet beds big enough to comfort a Great Dane will not gain me an inch on a king size bed. It will only gain me an option to sleep, should the cats not want to move!

9. Toys are those designated as such when given to you. All other objects in my house were designated to assist me to a comfortable life, entertain me or beautify my home. Give it back to me!

10. I will remember the crash I heard last night, when you wake me in the morning and look all innocent! I still have glass in my feet from trying to assess the damage in the dark!

11. A normal human in motion equals to 150 lbs or more of weight that will crush you when tripping over you! Sitting innocently in the middle of the way does not help. Humans are not as agile as you!

12. To add to rule #11: Following me, lovingly and with the singing sound of a morning greeting, will not improve my balance that early in the morning. Unless you prefer flat tails or feet before the first coffee!

13. To add to rule #12: Murphy’s Law says: Cat underneath or in between legs will cause serious injury to cat, tripping Mom or those rolling on the floor laughing when Mom falls!

14. I understand you prefer clean laundry. Hmmh. How should I word this… SO DO I! Should you plan on a nap, do it on the bed and not my clean laundry basket. I do not wear fur-coats, -shirts or -black pants.

15. Question to God: Why do cats always want to sleep where I am planning on working? Go use the king size bed! I am not using it right now! (But I will when you look away for a minute!)

16. Shall you be removed by gently lifting you up from my laptop, DO NOT hold on to the keys! It takes 8564 curses, 732 handful of torn out hair, the Patience of a Saint and 1192 threats to find and fix them!

17. Cat races are a part of the middle age and dark ages! Me sleeping doesn’t entitle you to wipe out all the items not nailed to the ceiling while racing! Don’t look innocent! You know who you are! So do I!

18. Just because I left the room for a second does not mean for you to lay on my laptop, causing it to shut down half the windows and open up another hundred, causing it to display error messages!

19. I love you! I truly do! But when I am sitting on the couch and typing on my laptop, please don’t sit on me! You may lay down and will earn a belly scratch but I want to see the laptop and hate eating hair!

20. My food is MY food! And while I am improving my anti-cat devices daily, challenging me to a match by sneaking up when I left and attempting to steal MY dinner will not endear you to me! I don't eat your food either!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Cat R profile imageAUTHOR

      Cat R 

      6 years ago from North Carolina, U.S.

      Cats are useful and so easy to keep. I don't get people!

    • gail641 profile image

      Gail Louise Stevenson 

      6 years ago from Mason City

      Cats sure are beautiful! I hate the thought of them being euthanised in the animal control centers!

    • Cat R profile imageAUTHOR

      Cat R 

      6 years ago from North Carolina, U.S.

      {Grunting}

      Sure...

      1% of the time!

      I'm the only 'Cat' that actually does!

    • billips profile image

      billips 

      6 years ago from Central Texas

      You are clearly a cat lover - I love the pictures on this and your other hubs - great set of rules - do the cats abide by them? - B.

    • ktrapp profile image

      Kristin Trapp 

      6 years ago from Illinois

      I love these "rules" and I love cats. Mine loved clean, warm laundry straight out of the dryer. He also liked to sit on top of my hand as I used the mouse at my computer. It definitely took longer to get work done!

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 

      6 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Nice Hub. I only have four cats, all were rescues and one was feral (pretty rough going at first, but we have settled in together nicely) and everything you have written rings true. They are willful and rule-breakers, just like yours, but such beautiful, graceful, and wonderful creatures.

    • Reprieve26 profile image

      Reprieve26 

      6 years ago from Oregon Coast

      Thanks for the chuckles. I have rules in my house too-- but the cats usually ignore them. Little monsters... ;)

    • gail641 profile image

      Gail Louise Stevenson 

      6 years ago from Mason City

      yes, they sure are.

    • charmgirl profile image

      charmgirl 

      6 years ago from Tasmania

      Cats do need rules-but rules are made to be broken are'nt they?

    • gail641 profile image

      Gail Louise Stevenson 

      6 years ago from Mason City

      I think that cat's do need rules to live by, just like people. I have to be careful that my cat doesn't get my food.

    • Cat R profile imageAUTHOR

      Cat R 

      6 years ago from North Carolina, U.S.

      The question remains if anybody is going to listen! Right now I only see bored faces that are trying to go back to sleep!

    • tlmcgaa70 profile image

      tlmcgaa70 

      6 years ago from south dakota, usa

      OMG! that was to hilarious...i can so identify with every one of those rules. I rescue cats and have around 17. they are like my children...and like children they need rules so i think i will share these rules with them...awesome hub.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)