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Clean Funny Quotes

Updated on August 29, 2015
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Amusing Quotations and Words for Scrapbooking, Crafts, Cards, and Good Clean Fun

Here's a page full of Clean Funny Quotes: sayings sure to making you smile!

A little quip can lighten the day, be enlightening, or inspire someone.

Make someone a happy with the terrific quotes on this this page!

Everyone should have a few quotes posted about their home and place of work. We can all use a laugh on twitter, Facebook, or an e-mail too. How about sharing a bit of cheer today?

Laughter is an instant vacation. ~Milton Berle


The most difficult thing about quotes on the internet is verifying them.

— Abraham Lincoln

Amusing Friendship Quotes

  • Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ~Sicilian Proverb
  • There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship. ~Author Unknown
  • A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked. ~Author Unknown
  • We are keenly aware of the faults of our friends, but if they like us enough it doesn't matter. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
  • It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

It is already tomorrow in Australia.

— Charles Schulz

Fun Humorous Gifts

"If they are really your friends, you will want to spend lots of money on them to show them so."

~ a Squidoo Lensmaster

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, then what are we to think of an empty desk?

— Albert Einstein

Humorous Quotes

* A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. ~ Bill Cosby

* Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. ~ Jim Carrey

* A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. ~ Groucho Marx

* A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. ~ Yogi Berra

* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~ Arthur McBride Bloch

* "One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop." ~ G. Weilacher

* All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. ~ Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe (performed by Lily Tomlin)

* All generalizations are bad. ~ R.H. Grenier

* Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~ George Ade

* A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. ~Jerry Seinfeld

* The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~ Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

* Today is the last day of some of your life. ~ Author Unknown

* Without geography, you're nowhere. ~ Author Unknown

* Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. ~ Peter Ustinov

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."

- Don Marquis

You can't have everything...

where would you put it?

— Steven Wright

"Someday, we'll look back on this,

laugh nervously

and change the subject."

Guestbook- Say hi or Leave a Fav Quote!

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    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I have Great Faith in Fools.... Self Confidence my friends call it.

      ~ Edgar Allan Poe

    • CrossCreations profile image

      Carolan Ross 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Quite Quippy Quotes! :-) Here's a favorite of mine... Say what you mean and do what you want cause those who matter won't mind and those who mind won't matter." ~ Dr. Seuss

    • profile image

      ohcaroline 5 years ago

      i like the charles schultz quoye best...it's already tomorrow in australia.

    • ajgodinho profile image

      Anthony Godinho 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL, thanks for the nice laugh...here's one I came across today.

      "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." ~ Woody Allen"

    • MisterHomeBiz profile image

      MisterHomeBiz 5 years ago

      Love your photo of what looks like a Great Pyrenees in the snow. I have a Pyrenees. Great dog. Kind of dopey, but a good friend.

    • profile image

      loveunmeasured 5 years ago

      Such a fun lens! Thank you for your comments. :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      This lens is a day-brightener! Made me smile...thanks!

    • Close2Art LM profile image

      Close2Art LM 5 years ago

      I love one liners, great page...:)rwjr

    • JanTUB profile image

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      ROTFLOL. Liked this!

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 5 years ago

      "Laughter is an instant vacation" ~ so true! Thanks for the vacation :)

    • chezchazz profile image

      Chazz 5 years ago from New York

      Thanks for the chuckles. Blessed on the Squid Angel Labor Day Bus Tour.

    • profile image

      friendshipquotes 5 years ago

      worth reading.. thanks

    • profile image

      MargaretMcKeehan 5 years ago

      This is great and funny, great job

    • Wedding Mom profile image

      Wedding Mom 6 years ago

      These are lovely quotes! There really funny and can't help but smile about it. Very Nice lens!

    • JJNW profile image
      Author

      JJNW 5 years ago from USA

      @JoyfulPamela2: Thanks so much! And you are welcome!

    • OrganicMom247 profile image

      OrganicMom247 6 years ago

      "There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship."

      "A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen"

      "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~ Charles Schulz"

      Very nice quotes. It makes me smile. :) Hope to read more quotes from you. :)

    • JoyfulPamela2 profile image

      JoyfulPamela2 6 years ago from Pennsylvania, USA

      What sweet quotes! Adding this to "Be Joyful" ~ thanks for blessing it!

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