ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Clean Funny Quotes

Updated on February 21, 2018
JJNW profile image

JJ has been writing helpful and fun articles online and in print for over 18 years. She enjoys sharing tips and ideas.

Source

Amusing Quotations and Words for Scrapbooking, Crafts, Cards, and Good Clean Fun

Here's a page full of clean and amusing funny words and sayings, sure to make you smile!

A little quip can lighten the day, be enlightening, or inspire someone. Everyone should have a few quotes posted in their home and place of work. We can all use a laugh on social media, too. How about sharing a bit of cheer today?

Laughter is an instant vacation. - Milton Berle


The most difficult thing about quotes on the internet is verifying them.

— Abraham Lincoln
Source

Humorous Quotes

* Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~ Don Marquis

* Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. ~ Jim Carrey

* A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. ~ Groucho Marx

* A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. ~ Yogi Berra

* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~ Arthur McBride Bloch

* "One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop." ~ G. Weilacher

* All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. ~ Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe (performed by Lily Tomlin)

* All generalizations are bad. ~ R.H. Grenier

* Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~ George Ade

* A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. ~Jerry Seinfeld

* The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~ Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

* Today is the last day of some of your life. ~ Author Unknown

* Without geography, you're nowhere. ~ Author Unknown

* Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. ~ Peter Ustinov

Source

Amusing Friendship Quotes

  • Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ~Sicilian Proverb
  • There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship. ~Author Unknown
  • A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked. ~Author Unknown
  • We are keenly aware of the faults of our friends, but if they like us enough it doesn't matter. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
  • It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’ ~A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

It is already tomorrow in Australia.

— Charles Schulz

© 2008 JJNW

Guestbook- Say hi or Leave a Fav Quote!

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image

      anonymous 

      7 years ago

      I have Great Faith in Fools.... Self Confidence my friends call it.

      ~ Edgar Allan Poe

    • CrossCreations profile image

      Carolan Ross 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Quite Quippy Quotes! :-) Here's a favorite of mine... Say what you mean and do what you want cause those who matter won't mind and those who mind won't matter." ~ Dr. Seuss

    • profile image

      ohcaroline 

      7 years ago

      i like the charles schultz quoye best...it's already tomorrow in australia.

    • ajgodinho profile image

      Anthony Godinho 

      7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL, thanks for the nice laugh...here's one I came across today.

      "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." ~ Woody Allen"

    • MisterHomeBiz profile image

      MisterHomeBiz 

      7 years ago

      Love your photo of what looks like a Great Pyrenees in the snow. I have a Pyrenees. Great dog. Kind of dopey, but a good friend.

    • profile image

      loveunmeasured 

      7 years ago

      Such a fun lens! Thank you for your comments. :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      7 years ago

      This lens is a day-brightener! Made me smile...thanks!

    • Close2Art LM profile image

      Close2Art LM 

      7 years ago

      I love one liners, great page...:)rwjr

    • JanTUB profile image

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 

      7 years ago from Australia

      ROTFLOL. Liked this!

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 

      8 years ago

      "Laughter is an instant vacation" ~ so true! Thanks for the vacation :)

    • chezchazz profile image

      Chazz 

      8 years ago from New York

      Thanks for the chuckles. Blessed on the Squid Angel Labor Day Bus Tour.

    • profile image

      friendshipquotes 

      8 years ago

      worth reading.. thanks

    • profile image

      MargaretMcKeehan 

      8 years ago

      This is great and funny, great job

    • Wedding Mom profile image

      Wedding Mom 

      8 years ago

      These are lovely quotes! There really funny and can't help but smile about it. Very Nice lens!

    • JJNW profile imageAUTHOR

      JJNW 

      8 years ago from USA

      @JoyfulPamela2: Thanks so much! And you are welcome!

    • OrganicMom247 profile image

      OrganicMom247 

      8 years ago

      "There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship."

      "A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen"

      "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~ Charles Schulz"

      Very nice quotes. It makes me smile. :) Hope to read more quotes from you. :)

    • JoyfulPamela2 profile image

      JoyfulPamela2 

      8 years ago from Pennsylvania, USA

      What sweet quotes! Adding this to "Be Joyful" ~ thanks for blessing it!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)