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How To Make Websites Look Terrible With Yolasite, Angelfire, and More

Updated on May 26, 2011
A wild example of what you should do if you want to make the worst website on the internet.
A wild example of what you should do if you want to make the worst website on the internet. | Source
A peek at the overall current look of SaucyMinds.
A peek at the overall current look of SaucyMinds. | Source

Live and Learn

Sogno and I created a website with Yola.  I must say, I'm fairly impressed, but I'm ready to take the next step and make it a solid domain.  Right now, it is http://saucyminds.yolasite.com.  I think that's enough to turn anyone off of our website.  All we need to do is hack up $20/yr to make it SaucyMinds.com.  That's doable, I think, on the next incoming check.

My point is, I have a very specific goal in mind when it comes to the overall look and function of the site.  This goal comes from having seen websites that have really turned me off of them, even if I like the content or the topic the website is all about.

Here are the top things you must do if you want to make a super crappy website.

Click thumbnail to view full-size
Yeah.  It's not what you think.  I was looking at angelfire.  Which is another thing....
Source
Yeah.  It's not what you think.  I was looking at angelfire.  Which is another thing....
Yeah. It's not what you think. I was looking at angelfire. Which is another thing.... | Source

1. Live Like It's 1996

Yes, I'm talking about abusing the flash images and tiling it all over the webpage. Who does that anymore? Apparently, a lot of people do. So, if you want to annoy potential visitors, take a flash image and choose a tile option.

Heck, it doesn't even have to be flash image. Take a picture of Justin Bieber from the internet and let it checker your page to make your visitors' eyes cross. Make sure you also have flashing icons for e-mail, scrolling text across the top, and sparkly effects for all your text.

Use really crappy domain images that look like they came from the dark age of the internet.  Even better, have a rainbow text! Remember those in chats?  Another 1996 effect that I can remember is those drippy or flashy line dividers!

Effect: You certainly won't be keeping unique visitors that way. Maybe that's how you want it!

Alternative: Use simple text, preferably sans serif. Keep all your fonts relatively even, with the occasional <strong> headers to keep the page flowing. Have a simple background that doesn't distract from the content or online store you're maintaining. Keep your flash to a minimum.

Click thumbnail to view full-size
yay jumbledness!Annoying ad pop up.
yay jumbledness!
yay jumbledness! | Source
Annoying ad pop up.
Annoying ad pop up. | Source

2. Ad and Content Abuse

Beat your visitors over the head with tons of ads, irrelevant words thrown together, and no white space in sight. Make sure to have lots of miscellaneous Amazon items strewn through-out. Don't allow your visitors to feel comfortable browsing through your site.

You need to bombard them with a lot of subliminal messages and not so subtle ads to get them to not click on anything just for the principle of it. Promote random things. Keep capsules or sections tightly knit to each other in a really jumbled way. Strew pictures everywhere for no good reason.

Get super obnoxious and write a sentence for each picture only that are NSFW because you think having just naked models will get you a lot of traffic even though your entire page is just hard to look at anyway because no one can navigate through all the freakin' jumbledness*.

Oh, and to make it even harder to navigate, have random ads jump out from nowhere and slide across the screen.  If they move, it's even harder to click that x button.

Effect: You may get banned from Google Adsense if you are going overboard with it. You might get some visitors just for laughs. Some people who are stuck in the Yahoo Geocities mentality will enjoy your site. For the most part, though, I don't think you're getting indexed in Google and I don't think you're gonna get a lot of fans. No google index, no fans = No money.

Alternative: Space things out nicely. Get creative and go easy on the eyes. Having less ads that are much more relevant to your content will get you better traffic. If you want artistic, jumbled effect, at least make it to where people actually want to look at it. Write quality content that people actually want to look at.

* P.S. Yes, jumbledness is a word because I said so.

Source

3. Use yahoo, angelfire, or anything of the like.

Really? You are going to use what? Angelfire? Yahoo? Hell, BRAVENET? Okay, okay, maybe Bravenet isn't as bad as Angelfire. Believe it or not, people are using it. If you have a website that you actually update to this day on Angelfire and you're reading this, I am so sorry. Not for trashing your use of those particular hosts, but for the fact that you are.

I'm going to admit, in my younger days, I definitely used them. In fact, I may even still have a bravenet website floating somewhere and I forgot the login information. But that's irrelevant.

Effect: URL is going to look like this; blahblahblah.angelfire.com. The websites on those usually have very bad layout, horrible template, and they give you very little option in how to arrange your sections and content. They are ridiculous for the most part. Surprisingly, they encourage use (read: abuse) of flash gifs. People definitely do not want to click on URLs like that.

Alternative: Try using hosts that provide much more options. Yola.com, believe it or not, works a little like Hubpages. You can assemble the 'capsules' effectively and have an assortment of actual, useful widgets. Even better, shell out a little bit of money to have your own domain. Try GoDaddy.com for that purpose. You want to look like you actually put some effort into your work.

It's Really Simple, Folks

That's right. That's really all your visitors ask, although some extra bonuses wouldn't hurt.

What Your Visitors Don't Want:

  1. Cluttered, inept look.
  2. Hassle with reading content due to lack of it, as well as overuse of ads, actual usage of floating ads, and irrelevant, useless pictures.
  3. Difficulty navigating.
  4. A newbie effect where URLs shows you really don't keep up with the current internet or put much effort into putting some value into your website. (angelfire, etc).
  5. Having drippy or flashy line dividers, or similar flashy gifs all over the site.

What Your Visitors Do Want (Plus Some Bonuses Not Covered Previously):

  1. Easy to look at as far as flow of the overall aspect.
  2. Interactive.
  3. Easily navigated.
  4. Pictures are cool to look at.
  5. Informative read.
  6. Easy read as far as the contents go.
  7. Relevant, unannoying ads.
  8. URLs shows intellect and effort.
  9. Updated topics/content.
  10. Share-worthy.
  11. Headers and footers are clean.
  12. Relevant, awesome keywords.


Say you come across a site that looks terrible as mentioned above...

What do you usually do?

See results

Comments

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    • SotD and Zera profile image

      SotD and Zera 

      7 years ago

      When I saw the title I thought this was just going to be a joke article, but you fit in some sound advice too. Good read.

      -Zera

    • profile image

      David C 

      8 years ago

      I guess great minds really do think alike - I actually just wrote a similar post myself http://goo.gl/fb/Ye8og personally, I'm dumbfounded as to why anyone would totally destroying their own brand with such a horrendous web design..

      my advice to you is take a good hard look at your website and ask yourself one simple questions.

      How is my brand perceived as opposed to my competitors?

      If it's not doing a good job, don't just let it sit there, fix it!

    • profile image

      DoorMattnomore 

      9 years ago

      You had me at Justin Bieber. =) oh, and Angelfire...hahahaha great hub girl!!

    • ethel smith profile image

      Ethel Smith 

      9 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      I must remember this HUb if I ever want to create a website lol

    • MPG Narratives profile image

      Marie Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      My son and I had to look for fancy dress costumes recently and we came across some amazingly awful sites, I couldn't click out of them fast enough. Good luck with yours Sunny.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 

      9 years ago from Ohio, USA

      A great piece about horrible sites.

    • profile image

      Zurich11 

      9 years ago

      Great hub! It's fun to laugh at poorly designed websites but I have to admit if it wasn't for WordPress my sites would probably look like that too.

    • Sunny Robinson profile imageAUTHOR

      Sunny Robinson 

      9 years ago from Tennessee

      Christoph, it entertained me highly to dig deeper for the worst websites. However, I cannot see that being satisfying in regards to having unique visitors or making money at all.

      I would think what I showed here was really common sense, but apparently not! So, it's definitely a good reminder to not go nuts with personal or business websites. Thank you for your comment. :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      9 years ago from St. Louis

      I'm a big fan of horrible websites, meaning I like to see them and ridicule their owners and designers. This article is actually very beneficial for people looking to set up a web site, or fix the one they have. Showing what's wrong is a very effective teaching tool.

    • Sunny Robinson profile imageAUTHOR

      Sunny Robinson 

      9 years ago from Tennessee

      Me, either. I had to really look for them, but I had seen things that were less awful but still awful all the same! It annoys me when people complain about the layout limitations of hubpages because it all looks clean and awesome compared to many other sites.

      Thanks, lorlie. You're so sweet. :D

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 

      9 years ago from Grizzly Flats, Ca

      Wonderful stuff, Sunny. I've not seen sites quite as amazingly awful and distracting as these.

      Good luck with yours!

    • Sunny Robinson profile imageAUTHOR

      Sunny Robinson 

      9 years ago from Tennessee

      nlaile, what's your skill? What would you do to the website as far as coding it up?

      Sogno, oh yes I DID. :D Thank you. Too bad I missed the giggle. D: Nevermind, you did it just now. Good deal.

    • SognoPiccolo profile image

      SognoPiccolo 

      9 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio

      P.S. Yes, jumbledness is a word because I said so...... oh no you DIDN'T!!! hehe .. this made me giggle. Very awesome my dear.

    • nlaile profile image

      nlaile 

      9 years ago from Dayton, OH, USA.

      I can probably code up your page if you want. Make it all pretty. I'm not horrid at HTML and CSS.

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