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Offensive Driving

Updated on March 6, 2012
No, I don't want to race...
No, I don't want to race... | Source

More annoying behavior


Excessive honking


Driving Slow in the acceleration lane

Most of us learn about defensive driving early on. Being aware of our surroundings and driving defensively is crucial to avoiding an accident. There are a lot of bad drivers out there and those that aren’t necessarily bad drivers can make bad decisions at any moment.

But what about those whose driving is offensive to others? Drivers who offend those of us on a daily basis. These offensive drivers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and genders.

Being aware and defensive is the key, but knowing what to look for can help. Here are some of the hazards you may encounter while out on the road. .

The Fast and the Furious – Usually in a lowered Honda Civic, this guy can be a nuisance with his loud muffler and lowered suspension, he can be found weaving in and out of traffic chaotically. You never quite see him because his tinted windows look as if they have been painted black but you can usually hear him coming with his thumping bass and annoying aftermarket horn.

The Junk Man – Most commonly a pick-up truck with farm-use tags, The Junk Man's truck looks like it came off the set of Sanford & Son. It may have a rusted out bed with a missing bumper, or multiple colored fenders with a dog in the back.. The Junk man most often can be found hauling too many broken washing machines or wooden pallets so watch out for falling debris. He's is usually doing around 43 mph on the expressway because this is the top speed for the loaded down truck.

The Cool guy – This guy is entirely too cool to be worried about driving. He can barely be seen as he's slouched down in the driver’s seat with one hand causally on the steering wheel. His music is blaring as he makes rounds and takes his time.. He will not use signals because this requires effort.

The teenager– This can be one of the more dangerous vehicles out on the road. Armed with a week old license, The Teenager may have 4 or 5 passengers packed into the car all laughing goofily and drinking mountain dew. Stay clear,the last thing this pimpled face menace has on his mind is driving.

The Redneck– The Redneck has a newer model truck that may or may not require a step ladder to climb in. It will usually have a combination of Nascar/Confederate flag stickers with slogans daring anyone who is reading them to challenge him. Other times The Redneck will have a jeep that is completely covered in bright orange mud. As it dries, pieces will fly off the vehicle and rain down on unsuspecting drivers.

The Female – I’m not saying one gender can drive better than another but we all know this stereotype. To be honest, my wife is probably a better driver than me, but still, The Female is most dangerous when parking or backing up.

The Interstate Braker - We all have to slow down now and then, but the Intestate Braker only knows one way to slow the car down, the brake pedal. Rather than letting off the gas and naturally letting the car slow down, an IB will mash the brakes for mile after mile, sometimes at just the mere thought of another car ahead.

The parent– The Parent may have too many distractions to be driving. Most often driving a minivan with those stick figure stickers on theback window,The Parent may have 2-4 small children loaded up and ready to be unleashed on society. With one eye on the road, and one eye on the kids in the back, The Parent is sometimes is too frazzled to pay attention. Don’t make them stop this car!

The Road Rager - This is that guy that is itching for a fight. He will stare at you when at a red light hoping you will take offense. He is quick with the middle finger and has issues that go deeper than anything related to driving. If possible it's best to ignore the Rager as you most likely have more to lose than he does.

The Old Timer – Another stereotype, the Old Timer will usually be driving a flawless 1986 Buick. The car may have 27,000 miles on it and a shiny coat of paint that has never seen a drop of rain. Putting along at 14 mph, you don’t want to be behind The Old Timer on a Sunday afternoon.

The Litterbug - Very annoying to be behind, the litterbug will carelessly toss items out of the window when they are no longer needed. Straws, cigarette butts, and candy wrappers will fly out of the car as the driver cruises down the road without a second thought.

The Drunk – Actually you’re never quite sure. This is the car that will randomly swerve into the other lane for a moment, before jerking back to another. This will go on until you hold your breath and pass. They may have or may not have their lights on at 2am.

The Talker - We all know this one, the driver on the cell phone so consumed with the conversation that the rules of the road no longer exist. A combination of a drunk/talker can be a lethal mix.

The Smoker – You do not want to be behind this guy. Driving some variation of larger sedan, the exhaust will let out a smoke cloud that lingers far after he is gone. I’m not sure how the car passes any sort of inspection as the car usually has only one tail light headlights that are so dim they look like two candles burning. The car will sputter and backfire its way down the road leaving a cloud of smoke lingering for miles.

The Scooter – Scooters have become increasingly popular as gas prices have sky rocketed. I’m sure the laws vary, but the scooter guy can cause a headache on the morning commute. Scooter guy may or may not know the laws of the road so proceed with caution.

Every now and then you come across a mixture or combination of drivers listed above. When you find yourself in this position you may just want to pull over and stay far and clear from their destruction. It is up to us to stay alert and out of harms way while on the road with others. You never know who's out there, so keep an eye out for these types and please,try not to be offensive!


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    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks Maker, glad you enjoyed!

    • MakerBaker profile image

      Mike 5 years ago from Providence, Ri

      This article is great, I like the cool guy discription

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

      Great stuff, being the old timer 55 is as good as it gets, sure upsets folks LOL,


    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      I know exactly what you mean Becky, very annoying! Good job on the parking too!

      Funny Thomas, I agree!

    • ThomasBaker profile image

      ThomasBaker 6 years ago from Florida

      I Live in Florida quite near a number of trailer parks and old age facilities where every day is a "Sunday". I know a number of them and they are darn nice folks, but put them behind the wheel and you have a Cruise Missle without a guidance system.. I need Becky to do a Hub on parking that I can send to my wife. I,too, am a perfect parker (not).


    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 6 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      Don't forget the ones that keep pace with you and won't let you of the freeway.When you let up on the gas trying to get in behind him, he will slow down. When you speed up, trying to get in ahead of him, he speeds up. I have missed my exits more than once because of these fools.

      I also park better than 90% of the men I see. My husband goes into a parking spot sideways. I back into them, exact center.

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      That's hilarious jenubouka, you guys must of been the thelma and louise of the morning commute!

    • profile image

      jenubouka 6 years ago

      Very, very true Weestro! I tend to fall in the "road rager" category, this was particularly bad when I lived in Seattle, especially when I was riding shotgun or visa verse with my best friend. If I was driving, she was honking the horn, and directing traffic with one finger, wink, wink. I swear we should of been shot...

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks tillsontitan, as you can tell, I had a rough drive to work this morning!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 6 years ago from New York

      Great descriptions of the drivers we love to hate! You've covered them pretty well and not left too much to the imagination. You've done your title well. Voted up, funny, and interesting.