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Answers to Questions a Boss Will Ask You When He is About to Fire You

Updated on May 30, 2014

Have you ever been "canned?"

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A gang of two-faced men escort a businesswoman out of the building

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This woman was just let-go, but the employees behind her must fear her or something

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In the beginning

You are familiar with the saying, “Your head’s on the block?” meaning you are being fired at day’s end. Did you also know that the “Executioner,” wearing a black hood, swinging the axe, never gets tired? I wonder if this "Executioner," guy is really a girl.

There was a time in America that it was a shame, disgrace, and just awful to “get fired,” for only the lazy, the boozers, cheaters, and thieves who steal company time and supplies “got the boot.” My, there a lot of metaphors for the term, “being fired.” Have you noticed?

Actually I agree with my own list of those who need to be fired (seen in above paragraph) for what they do is make it tougher on those who really want to work and keep their jobs. I got it. I forgot to use the modern-term, “slackers,” who sneak-around like fearful mice seeking crumbs, hiding in the men’s room, behind a stack of boxes, anywhere the bosses will not see them “stealing” their paycheck. "Slacker," fits the bill nicely.

People do not deserve to be fired are: The mentally or physically-handicapped. I mean, they passed every test by the Human Resources Department and thereby, they are qualified for working in a factory or office, but if they are a bit slower, but the quality of their work is above company standards, keep them. By all means, keep these priceless-workers for they do not “grow on trees.”

Somehow, America has fell into a race of sorts, to see which company can produce more goods than anyone by less quality employees. Maybe this worked in the 40’s and 50’s, but today, the consumer is smarter and knows a defect when he or she sees it. Thus, our companies need to be a bit slower if means keeping quality employees who know how to produce quality goods.

And these same companies need to be a bit faster in “weeding-out,” (another “firing”-related term) the slackers, the apathetic, the free-loaders, and those who think that companies owe them a living. Everywhere I worked, “I” was actually expected to do an honest day’s work. Can you fathom that?

Honestly, I was fired from two jobs at two different places for the same reason that was: For not doing the work of two men. This is what one plant manager told me and another guy whom he threw into the unemployment line with me. I asked, “Why should I do the work of two men, when I am only one man?” The other guy agreed. But the arrogant plant manager just glared at us and snapped, “Now get outta here before I call the law!” I never did get my answer.

If you "are" working, thank God. But if you have noticed your boss watching you more than usual, and scribbling notes on a clipboard, then be prepared. You might be getting fired or a severe reprimand. Or both.

So I am here to give you a few predictable-questions asked by office, plant, and worksite managers directly from The Human Rescources Manual on Terminating. And as an added-bonus, the answers you need to use.

Sad images of people who were fired and had no witty responses to an arrogant boss' questions

This isn't even my box
This isn't even my box | Source
People are being fired today as they were on an assembly line
People are being fired today as they were on an assembly line | Source
"Jane, we are sorry to see you go, but we love watching you leave."
"Jane, we are sorry to see you go, but we love watching you leave." | Source
Who will hire me, a 54-year-old guy?
Who will hire me, a 54-year-old guy? | Source

Be prepared

Boss: “Thad,” did you know that coming into work fifteen-minutes early was against company policy?”

You: “And did “you” know that using toothpaste is a great way to remove ink from your shirt?”

Boss: “Being near those “druggies,” are grounds for you to be fired. Did you realize this?”

You: “But you were near them most of yesterday, sir.”

Boss: “You do know that you were caught on video tape going to the men’s room on company time?”

You: “Yes, but I could not magically make my bladder any bigger!”

Boss: “Would you like to apologize to “Peter,” for slugging him/”

You: “And be thought of as a wuss? No sir. My reputation is important to me.”

Boss: “Office supplies cost money. Were you aware of that?”

You: “Actually, no, sir. That wasn’t explained to me when I hired-in here fifteen years ago.”

Boss: “I have proof that you were five minutes late getting back from your lunch break. Am I right?”

You: “Sir, I have no way of proving you are right or wrong, and I was helping your daughter out of her new car that she had crashed into the side of this building, sir.”

Boss: “Do you need a letter of reference from me?”

You: “Which one—C, D, F? What about B?”

Boss: “I am letting you go and do you know why?”

You: “Not really, sir. I guess it’s because I was out sick for two days and never called in because my phone was turned-off due to my check being garnisheed by my wife’s divorce attorney.”

Boss: “With your answers, you seem to be a smart alec. Am I right?”

You: “No, sir. You are “Leonard Treadwell, office manager.”

Boss: “Do you really want me to tell you the “real” reason I am firing you?”

You: “Sure.”

Boss: “For reading all those stories by someone named, Kenneth Avery, on that thing, uhhh, what is it? Oh, HubPages. That’s why.”

Note to “Thad,” why don’t you come to work for me as my assistant. I could use the story ideas.

Comments

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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      grand old lady (who is NOT old),

      Thank you for your kind remark. I do appreciate you for this. Sometimes a personal touch is the best way to make a point.

      Have a safe night.

    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 

      4 years ago from Philippines

      I like this hub, but I was really bowled over at the end, when you put yourself into it. Good hub!

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, PegCole17,

      Thanks for your uplifting comment. Yes, when the boss walks "around," your desk and acts as if he or she is scribbling, they are in-fact, gathering up courage to "do the deed."

      I loved your analogies at the end of your comment.

      Or be told: "hit the bricks," "take the train,--from Roadhouse," "Outta here," ahhh, there is a hub idea for YOU, Peg:

      "The Many Different and Colorful Ways to Be Told "You're Fired."

      And it is all yours, my friend.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 

      4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hi Kenneth, You have a way with words to turn this sticky situation into a humorous satire. There rings truth in what you've said about the boss and their handy clipboard. That is one tell-tale sign that you're on the block, about to be let go, relieved of your duties, asked to take a hike, or told your services will no longer be needed. Been there, done that on the giving and receiving end.

    • profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago

      Hi, Sheila,

      I have to say that I admire you too. That was a gutsy move, quitting like that and hey, I have been in the same position--the boss loving the nice little college girls and people like me and some others doing their work for them.

      And with no thanks from them at all.

      Not that I was just in the newspaper for a pat on the back, but simple courtesy.

      Oh well. Those days are gone.

      Thanks for your sweet comment and come back anytime.

    • profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago

      Hi, MzBejabbers,

      I admire you so much for what you just said. I knew when we met that you were one tough lady. And I was right. You stood up to "the Old Boy Network," for your rights! Thanks for sharing this with me.

      And I am grateful for having you as my friend and follower. I like to take serious-based things, blow the cobwebs off, and let it rip.

      All in fun and not to offend anyone.

      Please visit with me anytime.

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 

      4 years ago

      I've never been fired, but I have seen co-workers fired for the dumbest reasons. Two people were fired for one of the reasons you mentioned - the boss said they weren't doing enough work even though they worked harder than all of the part-timers (who were HS students). You're right when you say they fire the higher paid people to save money. Besides that, the boss liked the younger crowd as long as the guys talked sports and the girls flirted with him. If they did that, they could do very little work and the boss would have other people pick up the slack. Needless to say, I didn't work there long. I quit because I hated the games the boss played like that.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      Doris James-MizBejabbers 

      4 years ago from Beautiful South

      Kenneth, you never cease to amaze me. I love the way you tackle a serious problem and bring it to the forefront then make a smartass satire of it. Yes, I’ve been fired. The media business, especially radio, was a revolving door. On most occasions I was terminated because the company was losing money and it wanted to hire cheaper workers. One broadcast company was firing those of us making a fair wage and hiring employees who would work for 2/3 of our salaries. One radio station fired a couple of announcers (I wasn’t one of them) because they said they wanted some new voices on the air. They thought it would pep up their waning listenership. Office politics almost got me canned in my current position until I threatened a slander suit against seven employees, including three in top management. Even if I had lost, I had enough documentation to blacken, if not ruin, their careers, so they backed off. Three words are the secret: document, document, document. Voted you up++

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