How To Get Checked-Out Fast Without Being Put Out Of Your Supermarket

The following statement is not intended to make anyone angry, upset, or irate to the point of "coming after me."

Arguably, the most under-appreciated, underpaid, overlooked, taken-for-granted, verbally-abused group of American workers today are the cashiers.

That's right. The cashiers. Not our state highway employees. Not our public servants. And certainly not our over-paid professional politicians. But the cashiers. Those young, and sometimes older, men and women who take these God-awul jobs to sometimes make a living and most-times to make ends meet due to our shaky economy. Shameful. That's what I think whenever I see a cashier working his, or mostly her, hands the the bone--doing all she can to make her selfish boss and non-caring patrons happy with little, and sometimes no respect. Add appreciation to the 'no respect' lineage.

I know what you may be saying. "No one held a gun to their heads to make them want to work as cashiers," and you are completely correct. No argument here. Some cashiers actually "love" what they do. They have flexible hours, discounts on food items, and days off during the week. So why am I "championing" the plight of cashiers? Simple. It's us, the customers who can either make the cashier's job easier or harder by what we all do when we are stuck in a long line waiting to be checked-out so we can get home.

Come on now. Don't give me that smug look. You and I are guilty as charged. We do not appreciate being kept at a "snail's pace" when we buy products in any store. We of the "speed-of-light age" of 2012, love to get in. Get out in less than 15 minutes. Any day of the week. But how many times have you actually got in and out in less than 15 minutes? Huh? I admit. I have at one time longed to buy my groceries, get in the check-out line and pay for my items in a timely fashion so I could get home. Those days are pretty much over. I am older. And sicker (in body) these days, so it really doesn't matter if I am in a line for five minutes or five days.

And true, I've done my share of childish things as the long line crept forward at a pace that made me drowsy. And true, I have not been the best customer in the world. But in all of this stress, frustration, I have noticed one thing that I can tell you is the Gospel truth.

We, as customers, have the power to make the task of being checked-out a lot easier rather than leave the store with a heartburn and headache every time we shop. Are you interested in what I have learned?

Okay. Then this won't take long. And I promise, as I am playing the role of a "Keyboard Cashier," to get you in and out of this hub in the shortest time possible. If I do not, then you can talk to my "big bosses," at HubPages.

This list of tips to get you checked-out faster is simple. One-sided. And easy to understand. That describes me. Simple. And easy to understand.

The list is just a collection of "don't's" that if applied, can help us get home quicker to visit with our grandkids or eat our favorite food while watching ESPN's Sports Center.

"The next time YOU are stuck in a long line, with a buggy full of groceries, and you have a stress-related headache given to you by a seflish coworker, remember . . ."

DO NOT . . .

1. Frown, sneer or scowl at the cashier, who by the way, can see you back there in line. Try relaxing and giving her a sincere smile of "that's cool. You are doing your best," and just see how easier it is to be in a long line at your favorite store.
2. Scuff your feet continually as a sign that "you" are more important than anyone else in line. Hey, Jack! You are only a mortal like everyone else. I couldn't care less if your name is George Clooney, Matt Damon or Jessica Alba. What or whom you are does not figure into the speed of the cashier. Relax. You will get checked-out eventually.
3. Mumble things underneath your breath such as . . ."Jesus will return before I get outta here," "You asleep at the cash register?" "Are your parents snails?" These remarks are crude, rude and make you look less of a person. In fact, the other customers suffering the same ordeal as you will turn on you if you do not cease this useless mumbling. And you haven't moved any faster by your teenage smart alec verbal jabs.
4. Lean on the cashier's conveyor belt. What do you want to do, get everyone to join you in your "one-man jackass" performance? People know that you are an impatient man or woman. Just hold it together. And remember, no one likes an idiot who loves to draw attention to himself unless you are David Copperfield, the magician, putting on a free show in the check-out line.
5. Throw your arms into the air as a sign of personal disgust. Again, the cashier can see your every move. And in her mind, she is thinking, "Yep. An idiot back there. I am going to intentionally slow down to show that jerk that his arms in the air do not scare me."
6. Openly-threaten to "leave your cart full of groceries" sitting there in the line of customers if, "you are not checked-out" ASAP. The cashier doesn't care if you do leave your groceries sitting in line as you storm out of the store. She gets paid regardless if you stay or go.
7. Say, "Wait 'til I talk to your boss, my Saturday morning golfing partner," for this will not speed-up the cashier. At all. So what if her boss plays golf with you? You may not know it, but her boss, your golfing partner, comes in on Monday and laughs at you for being such a poor golfer.
8. Roll your eyes like a middle-school girl who is upset at her "bestie" for chasing "Charles," the boy you had a crush on. The cashier, when she sees your adolescent gesture, just might laugh and say, "whatever," and keep you at her mercy.
9. Take long breaths so loud that people in the parking lot can hear you. I know. Sucking-in a long breath means you are tired of waiting. We get it. The cashier gets it. So why do it?
10. Try to start a riot by talking to others in-line and infecting them with your poisionous impatient attitude. The other customers may not know you. And when they get in their car to go home, they may ask each other, "did you know that stupid jerk back there complaining about being stuck in line?"

These, folks, good friends, are only ten things that you can stop doing if you are already doing them whenever you are stuck in a long line at the grocery or department store.

Why did I only write "don't's" instead of "do's"?

Well, I figure that most irate customers, like I once was, and you are now, aren't "doing" enough good things while you are in line, so the "dont's" outweighed the "do's".

Next!

Will that be cash or credit card?