How to Avoid Getting a Job - Teen Tips
So you've reached that age now where it's expected of you to get a job. You've benefited from the state and the parents' house for long enough and it's about time you put something back into the system.
Perhaps you've just turned 16, you've not got long left of school. Perhaps you've finished school altogether. Perhaps you've been without a job for the past 10 years (in which case you don't need to read this article, seems you're doing a pretty decent job of it already) but either way, you're too lazy, too scared, or too busy (yeah right) to get a job.
I've been a successful jobless citizen for my entire life. Here's how...
How old are you?
"I'm working on a novel."
"I'm building a motorcycle."
"I need a social life."
"I need to focus on my exams."
"I'm looking after my grandfather."
"I'm tidying my room."
"I'm breaking a world record on Sonic The Hedgehog."
"Can't you see I'm busy?"
Pull a Rene Descartes
The guy just used to lay in bed all day 'pondering'. He was basically just an overgrown teenager and he's now considered one of the most influential thinkers of our time! He's a pretty important dude you know. Laying in bed until 1:00pm brings great potential for success. Moreover, he actually died from lack of sleep when he had to start getting up early to tutor the Queen of Sweden. Look it up, I'm not kidding.
Act like you've tried.
"This town's tiny, there are no jobs."
"This city's massive, there's too much competition for jobs."
"I've handed out so many C.Vs and no one's gotten in touch."
"The cleaner at the supermarket is due to retire soon, I'll take her job."
"It's all in the news, job opportunities are depleting."
"They said I needed experience for the job. But I need the job for experience!"
"They told me I was under qualified."
"They told me I was over qualified."
Be rubbish on purpose
When you're handing out CVs give it straight to the girl behind the till without asking for the manager or asking if there are any jobs going. The CV should have no references, no experience, no contact details, and make sure you don't proof read or spell check.
If you somehow get an interview, turn up in dungarees.
Claim you've got one
"I'm a musician."
"I'm a writer."
"I work freelance."
"I'm offended, those ARE real jobs."
"I clean Bob's car from down the road."
"I guard the items at the auction every week."
"I go to football training."
"That's not a hobby! I want to pursue a career in football!"
"I babysit my little sister."
"It doesn't matter that I don't get paid for it."
"Sometimes I find change in the vending machine."
Help around the house
If you're still living at home then the reason why you're being pushed into getting a job is probably because you're eating their food, using their electricity, and causing a mess. So, not only should you make sure to clean up after yourself, but you should also go out of your way to make the house look nice and clean and tidy for when your parents come home.
Cook their dinner for them, they've had a hard day at work.
Do the garden and take the trash out.
If you're a help rather than a burden at home, they'll soon be changing their minds and they'll be doing everything they can to stop you leaving the house and focusing your energies elsewhere!
"I'm not very well."
"I can't go outdoors, there's too much pollution."
"Buddhists say life is about happiness. A job wouldn't make me happy."
"Go away, I've got a great kill streak here."
"My hamster died and I'm still in mourning."
"I don't want anything so I don't need a job."
"Life's not about money."
"Why should I when you're still giving me my allowance?"
"No I wasn't asking you to take away my allowance!"
"I'll do it in the morning."
Have you had a job before?
And now you know.
Trust me, this advice is perfectly sound. Most of the tips here have come from experience!
Okay so maybe some of these excuses aren't great. Maybe it's not such a good idea to take my advice.
But take this advice: falling into a routine of doing nothing does not make you happy, in fact, it can be the spiral down towards loneliness, boredom and depression. So if you don't want to get a job, and you can somehow get away with not applying for one, then make sure you're still doing something to get you out there and stay active. It'll do you the world of good.
Believe me, feeling like you've accomplished something is one of the greatest feelings there are, and sometimes coming home from a hard day's work will give you that feeling.