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Moving Past A Wounded Heart Without Bitterness

Updated on June 22, 2012

Battered and Bitter


No hurt survives for long without our help, she said & then she kissed me & sent me out to play again for the rest of my life. Brian Andreas

Every person who has reached the age of accountability has been emotionally wounded and has scars. As we move on we must choose to massage those scars and reduce the impact and appearance they have left on us. We find healing balms and search for scar reduction therapies.

Or we can highlight the scars and make them seem larger than they actually are; Take out a Sharpie and draw as big, thick line around the sore to draw attention to it. Then the eyes of every stranger passing falls upon it and they exclaim “Oh you poor soul! How did you get that scar? Does it hurt as bad as it looks?” Then we have the opportunity to relive over and over the actual cut that ripped us open.

Another choice is to dig and pick until they break open and bleed again. When we do that the wound becomes raw, inflamed and aggravated. The pain spreads and increases range until all we can think about is the wound and it becomes impossible to conceal and when people think of us, the scar-the wound is pictured before our face comes to mind. The small scratch has been transformed into a gouge and resentment is the bacteria that make it grow.

We are wounded many times in life. Indeed our very existence leaves us vulnerable to hurt and pain. Any other option creates a hard heart and a separation from the human condition. That existence grows bitterness and a shell of disquiet and lack of fulfillment. So we open our heart to love and people and receive whatever they give back.

I am remembering a time in my past where a large number of people gave their time and talent to a company that promised to change the world and the lives of people whose dreams had all but died. Sadly, many including the employees were used, hurt and left reeling. The true intent of the principals will never be known and really is not important. How each individual chooses to deal with the leftover fallout is what matters.

Will we allow the Bernie Madoffs, Leona Helmsleys, abusive boy/girl friends, heartless family members and others of that ilk to control our emotions even when they should be out of our life? They move on and often the injured party clings to their coattails just begging for more.

We can nurture anger, resentment, hurt, betrayal and the other emotions and wounds bestowed or live life well. George Herbert said “Living well is the best revenge.” Even that statement allows for chains to link us with the past. We must get to a point where the hurtful party can truly be dismissed from thought and mind. If that specter should try to arise it cannot find footing to remain and has no impact on the scar.

I hear people who have presumably moved on say things like “I am still angry”, “I am in bondage” and feel so sad for them. Let go! I remember hearing that a wild elephant is trained by a heavy chain around its ankle. As time passes, the elephant accepts his captivity. Gradually that chain is replaced with a light bond and eventually only a fine silk cord holds that powerful beast in place. Look at yourself. Are you in chains to the hurt and the person who wounded you or are you remaining there because of a false perception? No one is holding you captive, but are you choosing to stay there?

Everyone has someone who cares and will love them and listen. Seek out that person who understands but will not allow you to whine and wallow in self imposed misery. Talk it out and get it off your shoulders. Shrug it away and never pick it up again.

Turn to God in faith and prayer. He is more than capable of healing you so no scar remains. He will take your hand and show you a new path where you will become who you were intended all along. That person, company, mentors or whoever caused your pain will be forever left behind to lick their own sores and to harvest the seed they planted.

Move on and take your wounded heart with you into truth and freedom. It will become scar free, whole and healed once you stop digging into the past and focus on your glorious future. Sing a new song-let freedom ring! “Ain’t got no chains on me” or silk ribbons either!


© Brenda Barnes All Rights Reserved


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