My Lighthearted Look at Achievable Goals

I've already completed some pretty monumental achievements in my short life. Some more recent than others, for instance, a common goal for the year may be to quit smoking as I've written about here. Or my trek to Everest Base Camp which was a small part of a larger dream for myself.

But this year I'm going to really step things up and I've written some goals down which are achievable by all. Well, almost all. Most people probably won't want to do them even if they could but if they try it could be fun!

I enjoy baking cakes and am looking forward to baking all different types of cakes this year. So far I can bake a few different types but I'm planning on learning many more recipes throughout the year. The cake in the picture is an Italian wedding cake. I wouldn't expect anyone to learn how to bake this straight away, but a few efforts and I reckon we'll all be experts. The great thing about this is that your friends and family will love you so much more because of all the yummy cake you provide. Initially. This could turn to resentment though as remember, it's a new year, some people like yourself will have goals of their own. Probably some silly goals like living healthier and getting fit, or losing weight. All this cake is going to be bad for their own goals, but it will be tasty. If you find people starting to resent your cakes, don't worry, make it up to them and bake them a cake.

I enjoy exercise. I swim regularly and frequent the gym, but this year I'm going to have to work a lot harder, in fact we all are. After learning to bake so many cakes we're all going to need to start looking after ourselves a bit better. Maybe start swimming or swim more, start running or cycling or do more of it. It's going to be tough but it's necessary so that we can excuse ourselves for eating all those cakes.

Of course, this could cause further resentment when our friends and family see our well trained physiques despite all the cakes we've been baking, while they are starting to balloon slightly. But don't worry, a nice home-baked cake will normally make them forget about any issues they have.

Now I know that not everyone can grow a beard, but I can assure you it's great fun. Especially for your friends who will laugh at your first attempts of growth. But once grown there are so many things you can do with a beard, for instance, trim it down to a vintage moustache for great hilarity.

For those of you who can't grow a beard, or are unsure as to whether a beard would suit you, try wearing a fake beard for a week or so to see if it feels okay. If you can't find a suitable fake beard due to colouring issues or lack of genuine feel/look, then collect some of your cuttings the next time you are at the hairdressers/barbers. Ensure you only collect your hair from the floor though, as collecting the hair of the person in the next barber chair would just be weird. Then when at home, simply using some double-sided sticky tape build yourself a natural fake beard to wear. You could even involve your children with this one to make a fantastic creative project for all the family.

Beware your family though, they will not find this funny or amusing, they may feel embarrassment to be around you. Some cakes may help, but may not be the solution.

This may sound impossible but it's actually very easy! Or so I'm assured, I don't have any embarrassing photos of me on a unicycle as it's something new to me, but something I think everyone should try. After all, it could save you money, two wheels cost more to run! Plus, it may get some of your angry friends and family back on side as they have a good laugh at you, riding your unicycle - and probably falling off - with your fake beard still proudly attached.

Of course this great fun could soon wear thin with family and friends after they've had to rush you to hospital 3 times in 2 months to have stitches in your head. But it's okay. The cakes you are having to bake them are becoming much bolder and more complex, but your family and friends can't move far now so your steady stream of cakes is becoming crucial to them.

Now we all know that man hasn't really been to the moon* and therefore, if there's one thing you're going to do this year, why not stage your own moon landing. It's so easy! Create the lunar surface with grey egg cartons. Besides, all the eggs you've used baking those cakes you're sure to have plenty of empty egg cartons (ensure cartons are empty before use) and this would be recycling, which is good right? Empty flour packets can be taped together to make a space man suit, and if your children received a go-kart from Santa at Christmas, wrap it with aluminium foil and you have your very own moon buggy! Ask any friends or family who have not yet disowned you to take some shaky photos to make them look realistic and post them on the internet for all to see.

* They did really go to the moon

By the time you've completed the above goals it should be getting close to Christmas, this is the time of year to begin your attempts to reconcile your relationships with your friends and family. This will be important as you'll need their support for your goals next year. You can start by buying them gym memberships as presents, or Christmas jumpers so they don't feel quite so ridiculous stood next to you still sporting your fake beard. And for gods sake, stop baking them cakes!