Office Tips: How To Liven Up Boring Meetings

Most meetings at work can get very tedious, especially when they run for hours. You'll find yourself struggling to stay awake, let alone focused. I have come across the following suggestions that can help liven up a boring meeting. I have yet to implement them, but I am confident they will work.

1. Spill some coffee on the meeting table. Produce a little paper boat (that you have prepared earlier) and sail it down the table.

2. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she considers to be important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

3. Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the real reason this meeting has been called.

4. Sneak some french fries into the meeting room. Every time someone beings to complain about something or bring up past problems or grudges, place a chip on your shoulder, literally, and roll your eyes obviously in front of your colleague.

5. Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone around the table. Sometimes shake your head a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.

6. Bring in a laptop and vigorously pretend to transcribe the meeting. Tell people to speak slowly and one at a time during discussions. Type with two fingers.

7. Answer questions or speak to your co-worker in a different language. Keep a straight face and pretend not to understand when he/she replies in English.

8. Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"

9. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

(If you're up for a real challenge, let the puppet be Sweep, the dog from "The Sooty Show" - his voice is a kazoo, so everything he says has to be repeated back to him as a question so other people can understand!)

10. When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)

11. Take a buzz-word bingo card into the meeting. Every time a typical phrase is used by the boss, such as "think outside the box", "client focussed" and "value added", cross it off the card. Yell "Bingo!" excitedly when you have crossed sufficient squares. Then sit down, blatantly take out a fresh card and look at the boss eagerly for him to continue while you have your pen poised in hand to cross of buzz words again. (Get a bingo card here)

12. Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.

13. Make everyone some name plates and put them in front of where they are sitting. When they are not looking, swap them around and ask them to change seats.

(A variation on this is to swap name tags around with your colleagues just after everyone has sat down. This is particularly effective to confuse a guest presenter. He won't know why everyone is smiling!)

14. Make some fake handouts without the boss knowing. Hand them around the room before, during or after the meeting. Make sure the content is completely irrelevant to the meeting being held.

15. Pretend to fall asleep. Snore once so everyone can hear, then wake up suddenly and blurt out an opinion angrily to the speaker rebutting what was just said with supporting evidence. Then close your eyes and lean back in your chair calmly.

16. Bang loudly on the table with your paperwork at a random point during the meeting just to make everyone jump. Pretend you got the fly.

17. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.