Six Life Lessons
Six Lessons for Your Life and Your Livelihood
Lesson One
A husband is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when their doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a large towel and runs to answer the door. When she opens it, there stands Jim, the next door neighbor.
Before she can say a word, Jim says, “I will give you $800 right this minute to drop that towel.”
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Jim. After a few seconds, Jim hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps herself back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
“It was Jim, our next door neighbor,” she replies.
“Great,” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Lesson learned: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders beforehand, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson Two
A Supervisor, an Associate, and their Manager are walking to lunch when they discover an antique oil lamp lying on a nearby trash can. Together, they rub it and a Genie emerges.
The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the Associate. ”I want to be in the Bahamas, driving my own speedboat, without a care in the world.”
The Genie waves his hand and Poof! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the Supervisor. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, a beautiful young woman and an endless supply of Pina Coladas.”
The Genie waves his hand and Poof! He’s gone.
“OK, it’s your turn,” the Genie says to the Manager.
The Manager says, “I want those two back in the office right after lunch.”
Lesson learned: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson Three
A priest offered a lift to a young nun. She got in the car and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a shapely leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After hastily controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129.”
The priest removed his hand, but after a short time, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129.”
The priest apologized. “Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed into his study to look up Psalm 129. He read, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Lesson learned: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson Four
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not?”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested, doing nothing.
Soon a fox came by, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.
Lesson learned: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Lesson Five
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," said the turkey, “but I just haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth day, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon after, he was spotted by a hunter, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Lesson learned: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson Six
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so bitterly cold that the bird soon froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and comfortable and happy, and soon began to sing for joy with all his strength.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and dug him out.
And promptly ate him.
Lessons learned:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And, most importantly, when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
© Copyright BJ Rakow 2011. All rights reserved.
B. J. Rakow, Ph.D., Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." This is a serious book about job search which readers say is enlightening but also fun to read.
