Ten Interesting Characters You Will Meet in Every Remand Prison

Any remand prison has a number of characters. For those of you who will be unlucky to find yourself there for one reason or another, some of these characters will make your life hell on earth while others like the ”remand pastor” will give you comfort and hope which you desperately need. Here are ten characters in any \ Remand Prison

The survivor

This one looks for all ways to survive and as such has to strike a rapport with prison officers and senior prisoners to get a way off from the strict prison rules like being locked at 3pm. When others are biting the cold and lice in the dark prison cells at 12am, the crafty one is out playing basketball or volleyball in the prison field

The Pastor

He may not have been godly at first but once he entered prison, the only option for him was to become saved and turn to God so that he can be delivered. His prayerfulness and preaching at the remand cell blocks will see him being appointed as the block C pastor after which he is given a pastor tag which he moves around with. Interestingly, some of them leave these “pastorhood” aside once they have been released a side.

The Prayer Warrior

This one probably with a background in religion (politicians are included too) cannot fathom spending a day in that hell of a remand prison. They will be praying incessantly whether in the cell toilets, in their beddings or in the prison church so that God can open doors for them. If he did it for Paul and Silas, there is no reason why he cannot do it for them.

The crooks

These ones are not bothered with the fact that they are in jail but will go on doing criminal activities like stealing, abusing newcomers, taking drugs and even beating those who don’t comply with their demands. You will see them boasting “there is no any other prison you will take me” and they will even threaten the prison warder of “dire consequences” once they are released.

The Business Oriented Remandees

While others are pondering on their next move, there are those who view being remanded as an opportunity to do business, both legal and illegal ones. If they are not selling traditional brew made from the prison porridge after mixing it with some concoctions and brewing it for sometimes, they are selling food (some of which is obtained from the actual prison) or even contrabands such as cigarettes, marijuana and other illicit substances. For these businesses to thrive, some of them have to strike a connection with prison staff.

The prison-mongers

These are the type who prefer being in prison than outside. They will be seen in the same prison shortly after being released after dancing near a chief’s camp when the Kenyan flag was being raised. For them, prison is a better way of enjoying government benefits of free food, shelter and even amenities like the TV.

Notorious Conmen

Armed with phones ( although outlawed in prison policies), they specialize in tricking citizens by sending random messages and phone calls telling them they have won some price. They understand how to crack the passwords once given necessary details and in liaison with another crook who is probably outside the prison, they swindle their victims of their hard-earned money.

The high-class type

With their well connections, they live in good houses, with their own high density mattresses. When others are eating boiled beans with half-cooked ugali, they take sumptuous chicken with chips, ordered and brought by the prison chiefs. You will also see them with their laptops, with a litany of guests in their abode on a regular basis.

The professionals

These have a background in law, teaching, masonry, French, German or even music. Once entering prison, they don’t waste time but look for jobs in their respective careers. In exchange for their services, they are given better meals and beddings.

The illness fakers

These ones are fond of faking illnesses so that they can get a chance to move out of their cells, get special foods or be taken to hospital outside the facility with the hope of escaping. However, while in the dispensary’s waiting bay, they have to craft a way of vanishing back into their cells to avoid an injection recommended by the doctor for a non-existence disease. This explains why you find capsules, syrups and other medications in the remand dustbins.