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The Employees Handbook - The Workers Guide to Brown Nosing

Updated on September 27, 2012
Paul Ryan has been the greatest teacher of this talent, please look him up when all else fails.  Republicans at their best.
Paul Ryan has been the greatest teacher of this talent, please look him up when all else fails. Republicans at their best.

How do you know if you need this guide?

Many people might find this guide useless due to the fact they have already exceeded mastery in this field. How do you know where you stand? If you can butter up your boss with just a few gestures than you are exceptional and can probably teach others. Congratulations in the field of brown nosing, a talent that is respected less than drug addicts... did that thought come out loud? If you have problems with when and how to use this talent than you will love this guide.

Sniff sniff... kiss kiss

Do you work with any brownnosers?

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For Best Results

The easiest way to think of this is as a game, kind of like a role playing game. You need to practice to and gain experience to level up your skill and depending which co-worker you knock off the chart the more experience you gain. The closer the co-worker is to your boss the more experience, and if you beat your boss which can only be done by buttering up to your boss's boss you might gain a new weapon (the boss's boss) and a few levels.

Just remember that when you butter up your boss there is a duration period which needs to be re-cast when it wears off or when someone breaks the spell by ratting on you or finding bad news. Either way there will be problems when that happens, you might need to put some distance between you and the boss otherwise you will be attacked within range his sight. But if you don't have him badgering one of your co-worker than you need not run. There is a lot of sneaking around, much like a rat but some people enjoy that lifestyle in the office. But brown nosing or whatever term you want to call it has been around for a long time, people who are more likely to do this are underachievers. Most underachievers don't become underachievers because they can't get anything done, they are just lazy and being lazy is part of all of us. Why not stick to someone who likes to be buttered up all the time and not mind it.

Feeding your boss great compliments and doing what they want you to do is what they want from underlings, its like completing a quest with great results. Important thing is don't work too hard until your boss is there and than work as hard as possible, this is another way to butter them up. Another popular thing is to work up a conversation with them and pick their brains on what they like so you can like them too and that would definitely get you some experience.

Here's a list of suggestions and advice to better your brown nosing experience:

  1. Flattery is your best weapon on people too much into themselves.
  2. Buy your boss a cup of coffee
  3. Falsely ask for advice from your boss even if you don't need it, another form of flattery
  4. Agree with everything the boss says, even if that means the company will go belly up the next day
  5. Get into work early and leave as late as you can.
  6. Participate in everything your boss puts out even if you don't like it.
  7. Try to get into the same circle of friends as your boss.
  8. Make compliments to others while the boss is there but pretend you don't know he is around.

Brown Nosing Experts

Some Expert Resources

Not exactly a resource but more of an example, Paul Ryan was voted the biggest brownnoser in high school. He learn how to do so at such a young age, now its his career to brown nose whoever that is above him and he'll even do it with a smile. That was a vote that he can do without as a politician now but it is that talent that got him where he is.

We can safely say some people think this is a smart way to work, while others that do the work thing brown nosing is not good work ethics. This topic is based on personal preference, it's either you like it or you don't.

Note: I typed this on my way home, please excuse any typos or grammar mistakes.


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