7 Ways to attract more readers!

This is just a piece of flim-flam, assembled from noticing the topics that seem to attract a good following on HubPages. Of course, if hardly anyone reads this hub, I'll know I am drastically wrong, but just for the fun of it, so below is a list of 7 topics of discussion, one for each day of the week.

7 ways to be controversial and attract a readership!

1. Be an atheist. This, in itself, is enough to get an ark load of Christians, and many a Muslim, jumping onto your threads and telling you how ignorant you are. Personally, I find it amusing that atheists get called unintelligent so frequently… I mean, we’re not the ones who believe in an invisible God, in an invisible heaven, and accept the notion that even though our life course is already planned out for us in advance of our existence, we have the power (free will) to change it! Of course, if you want to attract a mega-response, just being an atheist isn’t quite enough. You need to add a mega-controversial ingredient…. like claiming that God might actually be Satan in disguise, when you consider that he permitted a former member of the Nazi Youth Movement to become the head of one of the biggest Christian churches! Or ask a controversial question …. like, why did God allow so many children to be raped by Catholic priests? Or what the hell was he playing at allowing Dr Ian Paisley to become a Reverent?

2. Write Hubs about sensual/sexual topics. Don’t think for one moment that I have noticed what a big following Blondepoet, NikkiLeeReyes and Astra Nomik have. These ladies ooze sensuality. Their hubs frequently touch on the beautiful, the romantic, the enthralling topics (especially to us men!) of love, lust, relationships, beauty, glamour and femininity. Of course, it’s easier for them to be sensual, because they are women. Not that men can't be every bit as romantic, sensitive and sensual, but If a man writes hubs about sex, attraction, sensuality, desire, et al… I think he might be labelled a bit of a perv! (So much for sexual equality… Humph!) But then again… being a bit of a perv is probably going to get you a pretty big readership, but it’s maybe not going to make you many friends.

3. Write about health issues! My wife goes to the doctor frequently. If anything, health wise, bothers her, she’ll quickly make an appointment. Very sensible, I agree, but she won’t be happy with just doing that. Oh no. She also has a sister who’s a qualified Pharmacist, so she’ll consult with her too, to see if her opinions concur with the doctors. Then she’ll go on-line and look up her symptoms on some medical website, then another one. Then she’ll go to discussion rooms where they debate medical conditions, and she’ll seek the advice of complete strangers who may or may not have had similar symptoms to her own. And she’ll keep looking, asking, reading, consulting…. Until she has some other ailment to distract her from the first one… then off she’ll go to the doctor again, and the whole sequence repeats itself! Of course, I’m not knocking hubs about health issues. So many of them are very well researched and presented, and it’s always good to hear from people who have had first hand experience of dealing with specific medical conditions.

4. Write about the Government. This is particularly popular in America. I think it’s wonderful to see thousands upon thousands of hubs full of wisdom and wit, chastising the way the country is run, criticising controversial politicians, questioning political agendas and government policies. They are filled with intelligent arguments, astute observations, a deep concern for the values of liberty, equality and brotherhood….. and yet you still manage to elect some of the dumbest political figures in the world! But hey, I’m not having a go at the Americans. Here in Ireland we are just as bad, if not worse. We’ve just gone through a decade of political liars, fraudsters, cheats and chancers. They’ve made a pig’s ass of our economy, and there isn’t an existing politician with the know-how to lead us out of the abyss. But there’s no doubt about it, having a go at our politicians and their policies is a pastime that attracts a good readership.

4. Be a Conspiracy Theorist. On another website that I frequent, I remember an argument raging for nearly two months on the subject of 9/11, and the opinion of one poster that the whole thing was an inside job. I remember reading a Hub quite recently about ‘My memories of 9/11’, in which the writer remembered seeing the remains of the Flight 93 that crashed in Pennsylvania…. which I found somewhat ironic, for the thing I remember most about Flight 93 was NOT seeing the remains of the plane. Of course, to suggest that there were dirty dealings going on would be to invite a backlash of abuse from patriots, who spit on conspiracy theorists as being un-American. It would be my opinion that those who question the events of that day, and want an explanation of some of the inconsistencies in the official reports of the events, are being much MORE patriotic than those who blindly accept facts that don’t add up, simply to protect the image of America. It’s much more convenient to be able to blame outsiders than to consider the frightening possibility that corruption of the most vile description might exist within the government. But 9/11 conspiracies are only one example of this most engaging topic. Conspiracy theories can be about anything and everything. Did man really walk on the moon? Is the entire space programme an elaborate fraud? Was Pearl Harbour assisted from within? Was Princess Diana deliberately bumped off? Was Humpty Dumpty pushed? Just try starting a conspiracy theory of your own, and watch how many people are quick to launch an attack on your misinformed opinions. For the record, here’s my favourite conspiracy theory. I believe that English comedian Jo Brand and Satirist John Sargeant are brother and sister, separated at birth. You decide!!

6. Write about children. It doesn’t matter WHAT you write about children, as long as you do write about them. We’re all suckers for stories of child protigies, children’s zany habits, the first words they speak, the funny comments they make, the joy or the sadness that they bring. If you include a few cute photos that make you’re audience go “Awwww schucks!”, so much the better. You can talk about education, bed-wetting, unusual habits, what they have got stuck up their noses, what games they like to place, their favourite food, or you can talk about deprived children in third world countries, child soldiers in Sierra Leone, child labour in China, child prostitution in Thailand, child abuse in Catholic institutions in Ireland. It doesn’t matter what the subject is. Hubs on Children are guaranteed to have a very big readership. And so it should be. Children are our future, and they should be the focus of our attention. They represent a world of beauty and innocence before the corruption of human greed, prejudices and disillusionment transform them into the warped, insecure, psychologically disturbed beings that we refer to as ‘adults’. We should do all in our power to make their years of innocence and joy last as long as possible. Bless them.

7. Write lists! People love lists. The 10 most popular this… the 10 most dangerous that…. The 50 greatest movies…. The 20 worst pop singles ever released. The world’s most beautiful women. The most influential politicians in American history. Your favourite Disney characters. Your top ten dinner guests….. oh, and of course, 7 ways to attract more readers!