Some Stupid Questions and Stupid Answers

There's a section of HubPages (this website) where people can ask questions that writers can answer. Not all of them are thoughtful or intelligent.

I've put together a list of questions asked on HubPages that, for some reason or another, have made me laugh out loud. Perhaps they will do the same for you. And, for the benefit of those who have made these requests, I'll answer them, too.

All askers' names have been removed to protect the...uh...innocent.

Why don’t birds die mid-flight and fall out of the sky? Or do they but I just don’t know?

They do. You just don't know.

How do you convince your kid if you've beaten him/her? Is it always easy?

The bruises might convince him. But why would you want to convince him of that?

(I'm not a terrible person. How else would you take this question?)

If I dropped an ipod in a glass of juice and it was on would it still work?

Probably not. If it does work, it will only play The Orange Juice Song from now on.

WOULD COULD I GET A GOOD RECORD DEAL FROM.

Would that we all could get good record deals. Good luck, my friend.

How Do You Get Into A Relationship With A Girl Who Doesn't Know You?

Stalk her obsessively, like you probably already have been doing. Girls like it when you know everything about them before you've ever spoken to them.

Thanks for being my 1st 'fan' ! :-)) Pl start yr 1st hub.Looking forward to it. Best wishes.

You're welcome! I've already got several hubs, but thanks for asking. Best wishes to you, as well.

I want a tattoo deign consisting of both the Welsh and English flags or something along those lines. Any ideas???

I don't know what a tattoo deign is, but if you want the Welsh and English flags, just tattoo one across your entire chest, and one across your entire back. You've got one coming and going.

is the sixth sense well developed in the fairer sex?

First, I admire your use of alliteration and consonance in your request. Second, I think "the fairer sex" is an outdated and sexist term. Third, I have no idea if the sixth sense exists at all, let alone developed in "the fairer sex."

herpes cure

Sorry, there isn't one.

All people want happiness and do not want to suffer. Each person needs to have a happy criteria. What criteria happy for you? You will be happy if .....

Hmm, interesting and unintelligible question. I've never really thought about my happy criteria. I guess I will be happy if people don't beat me up for publishing this hub. 

What's your best lemon recipe for lemonheads like at our house?

The lemonheads at your house are probably good enough. I'm sure you don't need my help. If it ain't broke... 

I won the eBay bid for the domain berniemadoffvoodoo.com (the auction was for charity), now can some one tell me what to do with this usual domain?

You should start your own TV show about a dude named Bernie who gets high off of voodoo and has trippy hallucinations about HubPages. Title it "Bernie: Mad Off Voodoo." Then make your website about that. 

Other than toilet paper, when you buy a product, why don't you completely use it? ie. Use 5% of the features on a cell phone, read a book cover to cover, forget conference material 7 days later?

Looks like you answered your own question, buddy. Go teach a "Reduce, Recycle, Reuse" seminar to let off some steam. 

My male cat howls like Brian Setzer every night and keeps me awake! What do I do?

Start building your defense against Brian Setzer's lawyer for when he sues you for defamation of character.

mel waiters Got my whiskey

Go make him give it back.

What makes teenagers think that they know it all? Why do they have to be so mean and disrespectful?

They learn how to whine and generalize from their elders.

i am single pretty and if u are looking for a girl like that i am it

You must be, if you're using HubPages as a way to meet guys.

i just want no how to impress girls, how to interact with girls and give me suggetion i am very much interested in this issue please help me

You should get together with the girl who asked the question above.

Could you please create a hub on Adrenal depletion/support? I love your hubs! Great work.

I don't know anything about Adrenal depletion, but thanks for the compliment.

IS THERE A FINANCIAL SUCCESS SECRET FOR DUMMIES?

Yes. Learn the rules of capitalization.

Can I BreastFeed My Husband?

Only if your baby isn't the jealous type.

What to do if your tooth falls out

Put it under your pillow and see if the Tooth Fairy gives you any money for it.

WHAT DRIVES YOU?

A 2000 Chevy Prism.

what to do when no one listens to you:

I'm sorry, did you say something?

Should I cut the red or the blue wire? Please answer accurately, as I could be in serious trouble if you provide the wrong answer.

The red. No, the blue. No wait, the red. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's the red.

What are the disadvantages of Farting in Public?

My guess, if you're making this request, is that you already have experienced the disadvantages of farting in public.

I could've avoided a lot of trouble if...

I had never published this Hub.