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I'm Out

Updated on March 7, 2012

No more Amazon Hubs for Me

It's been fun, but the time has come to move on. Thanks to you all for your support and your eyeballs, but I've made more than enough much money as an Amazon affiliate. I now move aside in order for the next generation of Amazoners to step into the breach.

Please don't feel sorry for me. A sentient human only needs so much money before keeping track of it simply becomes overwhelming. I spend more time counting my money and less time enjoying it than I ever imagined. Someday you may find yourself in my position: I hope you deal with it as magnanimously as I obviously am.

What Happens Next?

My future plans include immense enjoyment of my hard-earned Amazon Affiliate earnings. It will be a struggle, without question. Amazon selling has been fulfilling and rewarding beyond my wildest idle daydreams. I anticipate many challenging challenges as I spend my money on extravagant lifestyle extravagances.

Anyway, I'm out. It's time to reap the harvest of my hard work by stocking my life with the accoutrements of leisure and status.

I will get a Bowling Ball

Every life of leisure begins with a personalized bowling ball in a personalized bowling ball bag. When I stride into the bowling alley with my adoring retinue, I will draw the attention off all the other patrons. As I rent my shoes, heads will surreptitiously turn to gaze upon my own private bowling ball.

If you don't already own your own bowling ball, immediately check into getting one for yourself. Your loved ones want you to have it. Your friends and coworkers will respect you more.

I will invest in silver

As anyone who invests in silver knows, investing in silver represents a really impressive thing to do with money. When your closets are packed with silver coins and bullion and ingots and rounds and scrap, you have arrived as a human of leisure.

Look for obscure silver coins emblazoned with former presidents on one side and patriotic semaphores on the other. Older is better. United States quarters minted before 1965 have much silver in them.

I will wear a sports watch

Every actively retired status seeker sports a sports watch. When you're standing in line at the DMV and you need to know if you will have time to get to the bowling alley before all the good shoes are rented, this type of watch will help you by providing crucial chronological information. Don't go swimming in your Rolex: strap on a sports watch when you do sports.

Casio manufacturers an extreme sports watch, as does Timex. Brands matter.

I will have a BMW

At the summit of leisure resides the epitome of really overpriced automobiles, the BMW. No self-respecting disgustingly rich Republican has less than 3 of these in their palatial garage. I will spend a fraction of my Amazon affiliate fortune on acquiring numerous BMW vehicles and driving them to the lottery store every day after I wake up at noon.

Look for a white one or a silver one. They get dirty really fast and you can spend even more of your fortune having them detailed regularly.

I will have a 70" LED TV

Television watching has not been possible for me lately. I have been much too busy building my Amazon affiliate fortune empire. Since I am giving up that pursuit due to a glut of cash, I will have more time to enjoy my 70" LED televisions installed in every room in the house, including the closets where the silver is stored.

Some good brands are Sony and any brand that is made by Sony but branded with another name. Pretty much, you should stick with Sony or whatever brand is listed to the right. Sears sell Sony.

I will wear shoes

Extensive research indicates that virtually every successful Amazon Affiliate marketer wears shoes. I plan to acquire shoes by exchanging some of my Amazon Affiliate fortune for numerous pairs that fit onto my successful feet.

Source

Are You an Amazon Affiliate?

If you are indeed an Amazon Affiliate, as I once was, good luck to you and your family. The pressures of Amazon affiliation can be overwhelming. Keep your figurative nose to the figurative grindstone until you have so much literal money that it overflows out of your kitchen drawers. I'm already there and I'll be waiting for you.

Comments

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    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      I voted awesome and beautiful

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 

      6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      What? Where you going again?

      The Frog

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj : We'll always have eBay.

      @breakfastpop: As long as you buy something.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      6 years ago

      Uh, nicomp, I'm not sure if you can get lie detectors on e-bay, but I think you can get metal detectors. I think they are basically the same thing.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      nicomp - you are the king of adumbration. If you leave, who will I immolate? er, I mean emulate?

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Uh, why are you renting bowling shoes when you can BUY them on eBay? I think the personalized bowling bags come with a section to put your bowling shoes in!

      Too funny! But I'm glad we now have less Amazon competition for those dollars.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Marcy Goodfleisch: Thank you for your kind words. See you at the top.

    • Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

      Marcy Goodfleisch 

      6 years ago from Planet Earth

      LOL! Funnry, and great writing. I love the shoes, by the way. I'll let you know when I'm rolling in dough. You're the role model, and because of you, we know it will happen for all of us.

      Votes up and funny.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @breakfastpop: Can you get them on eBay? Tell me the truth.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      6 years ago

      Did you ever try to promote lie detectors?

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Tony the writer: How about a personalized bowling ball?

    • profile image

      Tony the writer 

      6 years ago

      nicomp, you make me laugh.

      As I am in the early days of my Amazon empire building, it is hard to imagine reaching the lofty heights you have achieved. But I've started, just purchased a personalised ping pong ball, how's that for an impressive start. :-)

      Or should I not bother with Amazon empire building?

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Robie Benve: Hey! Don't read the tags!

    • Robie Benve profile image

      Robie Benve 

      6 years ago from Ohio

      I sense your frustration and had a laugh with your tags. :)

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