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Living Without Love: Is it Possible or Would You Want to

Updated on January 2, 2012
Can you be single and still be happy? You decide.
Can you be single and still be happy? You decide.

According to the Beatles, love is the only thing a person needs to function in life, but it's the kind of love that remains a mystery. What is essential about finding love? Should we seek it from a stranger, a family member or a potential lover? If we can't find love from anyone, does that make us unlovable?

It's impossible to discern what is right and wrong in the search for love. What is clear is that nothing is said about those who can't find love. Those people are labeled undesirable and future multiple pet owners. I know that is a narrow depiction of people because there could be many factors at work in preventing them from finding the one. I'm one of those people who no one from the opposite sex, or even the same sex, understands. I'm the enigma that will be frequently visiting pet stores instead of trolling at local bars. Small talk is something I don't do too well anyway, so it's a moot point.

People don't know where to place me in the world and leave me unplaced as a result. The same can describe a good portion of people anywhere. No stereotype can be wrapped around their neck under any circumstances. When it comes to love, I'm too independent to lean on anyone because of some trust issues from the past, which makes me obsessed with being in control. The only problem is that I tire of being the dominant one too quickly and find a quick exit strategy out of the relationship.

As a test, I now avoid love like a bad stomach virus. Don't kid me wrong about love. I don't hate it or anything. I'm just not going to make it my life's mission anymore. Being myself without the pretense of pulling a prized lion into my jungle trap. My plan is to regroup my heart and focus my passions elsewhere in any possible direction. I'm starting with my needs before adding someone else to the mix period. Here are five steps to take to see whether love is or isn't all you need.

  • Learn to accept yourself and your flaws. Understand what you're about as a person. In order to promote yourself in any social arena, you need to examine what you're about. This requires a lot of soul searching and heavy analysis of what you want out of your life. Make a list of what you don't like about yourself as a single person and when you're dating someone. Notice each pro and con in each area. Evaluate the results and change what can be fixed. Deal with the unfix-able and move on with your life.
  • Dress for your yourself. Make your appearance a special one. Don't design your look around landing a date. Loose the skinny jeans, tight dresses and even tighter tops. Design your appearance in a way you're a cross between normal and model sheik. Suitors like to look at someone who's comfortable in their own skin, not just someone who looks hot. As the cliched saying goes, beauty is only skin deep. So is shallowness, but it still draws big crowds. Ignore it and focus on much bigger tasks in order to find your outer and inner beauty.
  • Relax and allow your prey to become the hunter. Transform yourself into the elusive creature that makes others want more. Rebuild your self confidence by turning the tables on the people that strung you along. Show them what they're missing before rejecting them in a more mature fashion. Be direct with your lack of interest, but not so direct in that your sensitivity chip disappears. Assess the situation yourself before making any strenuous moves.
  • Dispose of all wedding magazines or romantic fairy tale notions. Leave the love dreams for when you sleep. Fairy tales rarely translate into reality. Focus on your individual dreams instead because you need to be happy first before committing into any relationship. Decide whether you want to be a trophy spouse or the next Donald Trump. Fulfill your goals before sacrificing them on the way to the altar.
  • Go on an adventure that doesn't require too much straining of your heart. Take the trip to Europe and see the sites before setting them on the hunt for a spouse. Experience the world while you're still young and reasonably healthy. Don't focus on having a love affair in another country. If it happens, great. If not, have fun regardless.

In the end, love is something you can manage to adjust into your daily schedule eventually. You have to love yourself first before committing your life to someone else. How can you handle your heart's desires and someone else's without going insane? Not possible. Start small before taking the next step. Never obsess about love because it borders between stalking, and no one likes a stalker. Be yourself and see where that takes you.

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      Ed 5 years ago

      I like this. I made the mistake of staking all my happiness on one person. I'll put myself through that again. I drafted and signed a pact with myself. I'm done with love. I need to learn how to be happy again without it because I can't depend on it.

    • profile image

      Catry 5 years ago

      I would never troll pet stores, but I do have a houseful of abandoned companions. I was the "bad one" to my sister's "good one", that attitude was instituted to my parent's deaths and continues with my siblings. I have loved, and continue to love specific people, but am liked only in superficial small doses; not long-term nor intimately. I have known infatuation, but never love. I have taken all the steps, seen psychs, sought self-help, and certainly attempted self analysis pursuant to self improvement as the die hard optimist in me encouraged. Yet, after nearly six decades, I have finally accepted that there are people who are innately unlovable - and I am one. My best efforts could not reverse the lot in life I started out with. I am gainfully employed in a "helping profession", and when I can no longer function in this capacity I will end this life b/c the Beatles were correct.

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      Legion 6 years ago

      "Transform yourself into the elusive creature that makes others want more". No, don't do this.

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      akosua 6 years ago

      You aren't living without love...you have just chosen to receive love from your pets instead of from people.

      Which is a wonderful idea.

    • stricktlydating profile image

      StricktlyDating 7 years ago from Australia

      I'm also an independent single, but in no way do I consider myself to be living without love, infact, I see my love-bucket as being full! Any romance of course would just be an added bonus. I'm surrounded by a big loving family and friends who adore me. I feel loved already!