ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Secret to Hub Traffic

Updated on March 25, 2009
My daughter, Fauna (thrown in as eye-candy).
My daughter, Fauna (thrown in as eye-candy).

By Wes J. Pimentel

After being on Hub Pages for about two weeks now, I am an expert. Well, at least that's what my profile says.

During my long and rewarding career with HP, there has always loomed overhead, a mocking ambition. An intangible goal. That one thing that can make all the difference in one's day. I'm speaking...of traffic. Yes! Traffic! I love it. Simply typing the word intoxicates me. I love all the commotion and the comments and the praise and the discussions and the insults... I could go on.

After you've been bitten by this delicious little bug, you begin to need its sting like a heroin addict. You ponder what you could possibly write to draw everyone in. You end up reading hubs, like this one, that promise the secret of driving more and more people into your web. The need for traffic and the engineering of methods to generate it begin to take up more and more of your mind. You begin to wonder if from even the most mundane tasks you could render a great hub like, "I just made my daughter a bottle... I wonder if people would want to read about that..."

Part of the addiction manifests as the compulsion to obsessively check your account for signs of activity. Those little red triangles are like mini-orgasms. Little passion-red peaks, each testifying to your literary brilliance. Conversely, the blue ones are like mocking schoolchildren; so tiny, so infuriating, but insulated against any feeble attack from you.

It was during my last account-check that I came across the holy grail of Hub Pages traffic generation. There were many little blue triangles occupying my stats chart. Like a general looking over the battlefield at all the insurgents bent on my defeat, I surveyed the carnage for any signs of hope. One shining glimmer remained. Just there... so delicately triumphant. My only hope took the form of a hub I wrote long ago, before I ever even knew about Hub Pages. Ironic that it would be this particular piece, as its subject has caused me so much suffering over the years. It was The Vagina Diatribe; with its ridiculous amount of traffic. The Vagina Diatribe.

I wondered what it was about this particular piece that made it so alluring, so attractive to the passive reader. The answer was so painfully obvious I had to laugh. It was not my impressive wielding of our language. It was not my literary prowess. Although I would have loved to take the credit, I knew the answer was far more simple. Vagina. It has the word "vagina" in the title.

Upon realizing it I had one of those movie-villain-laugh-cries. The one where my body slumps over and you think I'm crying until I raise my tear-drenched face in laughter. It was then that I made my solemn vow. Henceforth, nary a single literary work would leave these hands without the word "vagina" in the title. The title of every one of my future hubs will bare the mark.

Crazy, you say? It can't be done, you say? We'll see, hubbers! I will have my revenge on your little blue bastards before long. Then, they'll know. EVERYONE will know! The genius of the Schwag will be touted from every mountain top! HAHAHAHhahahahahah......

OK. I got a little weird there, at the end. My bad, yo. Seriously, though. If you're worried about traffic to your hub, just put "vagina" in the title. It worked for me!


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)