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There certainly is such a thing as a stupid question.

Updated on July 14, 2012

Warning: Mean streak surfaces

Profound thought is not necessarily evident in the following, a sampler of annoying (to my condescending and intolerant self) hub questions.

As I read Hub questions, I often find myself alternating between cynicism and the urge to mock people. Sometimes I just want to become Henny Youngman (Look him up.) but the terse one-liners are too short. Sometimes I just want to be mean and nasty.

The cynicism stems from the number of questions that scream, “The artificial nature of Hub scoring dictates that I ask questions, ergo, I ask questions. Quality need not apply. The mockery is provoked by questions that are too doofilanimous for a response.

For example, I found these on the first five pages of questions in one evening. As you might expect, the same source often asked several of the building question karma questions that waste everyone’s time:

What are some Civil War recipes?

Answer: First, threaten to outlaw slavery….oh, that’s too easy.

Alternative answer: Well, take three medium-sized rebels and six onions….

As US citizens we have certain rights but do we not also have certain responsibilities?

Answer: No.

Alternative answer: Yes/no questions might not be the best way to go to initiate dialogue. But really, do you expect anyone to support the negative on this? Okay, you asked a question. One point.

Has anybody heard what Romney plans to do about the economy?

Answer: Yes.

Alternative answer: Really? What else is anyone talking about? Do you really expect an answer or is this just another pathetic way to ask one more question?

Bonus answer: Do you want his name?

Another point.

What would be a good idea for a new book?

Answer: Really? That is a question that you pose to a company of writers and would-be writers? Why would I tell you? After all, isn’t everyone going to write that book…someday?

Alternative answer: If you have to ask, the answer won’t do you any good. But…

Another point.

What are the best books about the holocaust?

Uh oh.

Answer: From whose point of view? Some really old men in Argentina might give a different answer from a sadist in Milwaukee.

Alternative answer: What do you mean by “best”? Are you looking for a nonfiction analysis or something like Elie Wiesel’s Night? Anne Frank’s Diary of a Young Girl? Or several flippant/tasteless jokes I am not about to attempt lest I be drawn and quartered?

What are the top books every woman should read?

Answer: Those farthest from the bottom.

Alternative answer: What does “top” mean? ---Ooooh! No, you probably didn’t mean that on a G-rated website.

Answering-question-with-question answer: How would you respond if I asked what the top book men should read is?

Can anyone please explain the Obama health plan?

Answer: I imagine so.

Alternative answer: Is there an intelligent question in there somewhere or do you want to stick with this, ‘Why is there air’ non-question? What do you want to know?

Which state has the most electoral votes?

Answer: Look it up, you lazy ….

Alternative answer: Really! Look it up.

How many ways can you prepare shrimp?

Answer: One, “Sit down, Shrimp, I’m afraid I have some bad news….”

Alternative answer: “Now, I know that the water looks as if it is boiling, but if it only hurts for a little while.”

How fast can a human being run?

Answer: How fast is his pursuer?

Alternative answer: Is that a shotgun or a grenade launcher?

Have you ever been on TV?

Answer: Yes.

Alternative answer: No

One more: Really? Couldn’t you ask something more superficial?

What is duplicate content?

Answer: Didn’t you just ask that?

Alternative answer: Didn’t you just ask that?

Do fresh eggs float?

Answer: Yes.

Alternative answer: Woman, get a bowl of water and an egg. This is about the sixth stupid question (Yes, there are some…) you have asked in the past hour.

Final Answer: I'm wondering if you would.

What is a vidalia onion?

Answer: What is a dictionary?

Alternative answer: Who is wasting my time?

Bonus answer: Really, do you think that this question will spur discussion or debate?

Does this guy think he's funny?

And those were from the first five pages of questions.

Okay, I get that asking and answering questions is required of hubbers, but shouldn’t there also be a penalty for asking obvious questions instead of those that might be inspire insight or require readers to look at life from a different angle?

I know, you’re question is, “Does this guy think he’s funny?

Not so much, but I hope that I might spur some discussion about what do about those who ask yes/no questions or questions that can be answered by asking Jeeves in less time than it takes to post the question.

Is this duplicate content because I quoted questions?

Hmmm, maybe I can ask that question to build up my score!


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    • profile image

      Ghost32 5 years ago

      Clive, I started reading this page with extremely low expectations--and darned if you didn't exceed them considerably.

      I beg to differ with the statement that asking and answering questions is REQUIRED of Hubbers, but other than that....

      Voted Up, Dead On, and Better Than Average Funny.

    • giocatore profile image

      giocatore 5 years ago

      I flag every ad hub I see, and there are many.

      The question section is fertile ground for humorous hubs. I covered similar ground to you here:

    • Clive Donegal profile image

      Clive Donegal 5 years ago from En Route

      Thank you. Now we need to address the plethora of advertising Hubs I see when hub-hopping.

    • Literary Geisha profile image

      Literary Geisha 5 years ago from Philippines

      i certainly know what you mean. i've only been here about a week after a year-long hiatus and - man! is this what hubpages has come to? ;) thanks for the most entertaining read!