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A Nightmare Shared: Blood On the Walls
Now, A Nightmare Story From the Peaking Turn of A Nightmare Within A Nightmare, And Does It Say Anything About "The Voices That Take Part in Day to Day Life"
Well, I hear voices. Something so simple and so mundane that it in itself is a burden to carry. Where, on your shoulders like some sort of a backpack, in the back of your brain for careful and consented approval and dismissal, or is it a simply and mundane torture device that reveals itself at every low moment in each and every day that passes.
Honestly, I can’t even remember when the voices started. Was it in the shower one evening, after an eventful day out on the town, during a running session, or maybe it goes back further and my mind has been numbed for what feels like an eternity, going as far back as school. If so, why does it feel like more of a torturous problem in the present day, oh right, because it is something that must be suffered with for the rest of your life.
Sounding miserable so far, but that is the truth.
Everyone that I have encountered throughout my treatment with psychosis is having a miserable time telling their voice stories to groups of strangers because it is too hard to speak about with close relatives.
The stories commonly shared amongst those suffering with psychosis, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and endless others… is one of freight and fear driven episodes that go on for a couple of days, and then must be fought with for the next 12 months.
A common occurrence for those hearing voices (as it were), is the senses playing tricks on you, public anxiety, social anxiety, demented voices that can cause extreme discomfort, changes in personalities, feelings towards others, and the overabundance of support if you do so choose to have it.
It is at this stage, that it must be recommended to anyone who is suffering with voices that have gone on for a meticulous length of time to seek out professional help, as there is a number of astounding early intervention teams out there that deal daily with those suffering with voices and other hallucinative symptoms.
Why seek help when suffering with voices? Under the age of 18, it is advised to speak with parents as the first port of call with any distressing hallucinative symptoms, and over the age of 18 anyone that is blood related to share this most discomforting problem with. A family member will be the best person in your life to take the first step to recovery, and that is through the direct help of psychiatric nurses and psychiatrists.
Psychiatric nurses and psychiatrists sound like people that would be difficult to get help from, especially if it is discomforting voices that quiet down every so often to give relief of fresh oxygen air. This would be wrong, as it is these very people working in psychiatry that are most interested in those with any kind of mental suffering. The key is to get better, and when there is a discomfort in the body that frequently (or infrequently) returns the key to getting better is to see your doctor. Thinking of mental suffering, however mundane or silly it sounds is a medical discomfort and must thereby be treated through medical staff working in the work-of-the-mind industry (psychiatry).
Sorry, everything mentioned so far is entirely unrelated to the posts actual topic of conversation. The nightmare that I experienced last night, and the disturbing nature is why I have decided to write my first post to cover personal experiences had whilst I have been taking anti-psychotic medication, and from having regular visits from my psychiatric nurse and psychiatrist.
Anti-psychotic medication: What anti-psychotic medication does is it helps relieve the mental distress which is being had as a result of some form of psychosis. This is a big deal to many people as it the first step to getting your life back to where it was when you lived life without mental struggles. This medication, varying in dose requirements, is there to give relief, and the additional support given by psychiatric professionals is to ensure a happy and healthy life is continued as a part of the recovery process.
The Nightmare - Blood On the Walls
As you can probably guess from the title, this nightmare was an awful one, and was so because of the way that it concluded. The last thing that I remember before awakening was a side look onto what appeared to be a kitchen, and stood there was a man and a woman, and looking to the walls was just blood, buckets of blood streaming down the walls and windows.
The man, this was me. Surprise-surprise, a nightmare that would include the person whose brain is sending these image-altering images as the mind reworks them to depict an imaginary tale of woes and hatred induced violence from within. Blah, blah, blah, is all I can think as I sit writing this pitiful blog entry.
Down to the grit and personal emotions inflicted within this nightmare. The man, this would be me, but only feels so real because of what was happening to this seemingly disturbed character in this nightmare story.
The man stands there (I’ll say it one more time, the man is me…), seemingly distressed as he drills into his eyes mercilessly and emotionlessly, and blood was bursting at the scenes from what appeared to be a similar action taken through the use of the power drill to put holes into the thighs. Nope, not there… but still mercilessly disturbing at the time of awakening to the mixed emotions and insecurity of what I had just seen.
The woman was stood beside the man, and as I write this I could not give the true-to-life emotions that this brought to me, but she seemed extremely sadistic and evil in this evil tale of one persons merciless nightmare. Less focus could be put on the woman, as it was the entering the room filled with blood and self induced pain that brought tears to my eyes on arriving back to the world of the living.
It only now feels of pointless intent, as the nightmare brought all levels of emotion flooding into my world, and would have made better sense to have written a blog entry in the earlier hours of this morning on awakening.
All that has been explained is the ending of this horror tale, as before this room came into existence there was a sadistic and violent female character that was tearing into violence and destructive anger… The feeling at the time resembled that of a horror direction production, but none of the production value is being added here… so disappointed.
On awakening from the nightmare I felt as though I had the material for a small-budget horror production, but one of the rare few that has all of the production values that audiences adore. How did this sadistic story material slip my mind. This is why I am complaining more than explaining the nightmare.
Second time around - 45 minutes since writing the first part - having just now remembered the more reoccurring segment to my nightmare
The water is flooding in from the ocean onto the land, and has been a reoccurring nightmare theme for a few weeks now after watching The Impossible movie. This, if I remember correctly (which I do…), was a dreadful day as the feeling all day was unsettlement, unease to the life ahead of the eyes, and very notable discomfort throughout the day which fell on a Sunday. The point being, it was after The Impossible move viewing that throughout the last few weeks where there have been nightmares, there have been events where I am swimming through the ocean just off the shores, when suddenly waves of water come crashing from the land. It is clearly an island, and this may sprout from a fear that I have of tsunamis, and The Impossible movie is one of the few movies to add to a nightmare since I was younger.
The way it felt during the ocean colliding into the ocean from the shores was one of great disaster and self-endangerment that came from the ocean swiftly brushing through the trees and onto the ocean pushing my presence into the further inners of the ocean. I can still see the land whilst I was swimming in the ocean, and when the water comes crashing over the tree top there was fear filling in my mind as the water crashed down over head crushing the senses into survival mode.
It was at this moment when the nightmare of the ocean crashing onto the ocean in the aftermath of a tsunami that has become my greatest fear in life. The strange part though is that this was a nightmare that I had clearly experienced before, but this time it struck me with real, emotional fear and disturbance.
On a completely different set, there was the following scene where there was a man and a woman stood in a kitchen as my presence entered the room. What I could see was a side view of the room, standing there was a sadistic, evil woman presence, and a man that was drilling holes into his eye sockets.
As I have said previously, this was the more eye opening of scenes that stands out in my mind, and for some reason it felt like a tangible movie, focusing on the inner horrors of the average minded soul when drifting through fears of life and the unknown.
This nightmare reminds me mostly of the biblical times in medieval history where no one was safe, no matter which region of the world you called your home. Men could abuse women, women could do unthinkable things to get revenge, and to make contact with another human being could result in needless violence and disorganised thinking - most often the cause of anger - which is the most often cause of senseless violence.
Imagining the biblical brutalities in the present day and time brings to mind certain senseless acts of violence, as going back to a younger time there had been news a woman who had cut the lions tail of her lover after getting caught in bed with another female companion. Another fatality that comes to mind is the dismemberment of a reporters head, multiple times, in the terrorism hands of ISIS.
More recently, in London there was a bomb found on a train in the underground tunnel where something had set it to explode, but thankfully there was no explosion as it was a dud. Then, the time before, when in London there was a ruthless act of violence in the city where a group of armed machete wielders crashed into pedestrians on the street, then taking to foot to kill as many people as they could humanly get their bloody hands on.
Going back further, in France there was an attack on comic art creators for making slurs on the religious gods supported by the terrorist ISIS organisation. This was one of the first signs of ongoing threats and needless violence from the organised terrorist groups from all over the third-world countries. Here, there are easily influenced sets of young individuals who have so few opportunities and hard knowledge of the political world, that all they can see is the terror that they could cause out of youth-driven rage and confusion for as to how the world around them functions.
It is the more movie-like murderers and terror-driven minds that haunt me in my nightmares, and these are typically eye gouging psychopathic visions of enslavement, disastrous ends, and voice driven nightmarish dreams before the nightmare mirrors itself from the good.
Now, the end…
NEEDS IMPROVEMENT! - sure does, and stands to be updated as more knowledge of the nightmare that has stretched out over the past few weeks comes back to the light.
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