A Spider for a Pet

Can you train a spider to fetch?

Well. No. And yes. But, no. I admit, that the thrill of having house spiders wears off after a while. Their webs leave a mess in the corners, the willowy strands catching dust and reluctant bugs.

Although, I admit, the thought of dropping a fly onto a web has, upon occasion, entertained me.

Today, I was scanning through my computer, mind you, it is barely four a.m., and I happened upon some advertisement for the prettiest spider I have ever seen. It was translucent almost. Shimmery. A pale blue. And hairy. Only 9 dollars! On sale from 12 dollars. I was so excited, that I forgot to check how much shipping was.

Questions... How do you keep a spider? Do you cage it up? Aquarium? Quart jar? Heavy book to forehead?

Read on...

Yesterday, I was startled by a photo of a hamburger with a toasted tarantula on it in place of a pickle.There are lines forming to eat this burger. Supposedly. The enticement is about notoriety and a t shirt that proclaims your bravery. Whew!!!!

What does spider taste like? I don't know, but I do know that a mouthful of spider has more protein than a mouthful of chicken.

Back in the day, I remember a picture of someone holding a tarantula in one hand and stroking it with the other, while intoning, "good spider...you're okay..."

I'm going to find a spider web in my basement to show you that I am fairly accustomed to the presence of spiders...

It occurs to me that I may have cleaned them off the rafters. So, prepare yourself for the shock of not seeing any. Life will go on.

The spiders are from Nicaragua, so does that mean they are prevalent? I shudder to think about it. That means that people who live there probably scoff at my house spiders. It's okay, laugh if you must...

Does a large spider spin a web? What do they feed on?

More answers to questions I did not ask... Spiders pee and poop in the same sentence. Almost like a short version of bird poop, I have been told.

Some poop in a corner, others - not so much. Some spray it all over. Charming.

Spiders eat small creatures, like crickets, although crickets have been known to bite back. Don't worry, your spider will just say, bring it on...

According to what I have read, crickets must be fed before you feed them to your spider. Aghhh. Spider food, and spider food food. In the fall, I get hordes of really nice crickets in my basement. In fact, that's how I know summer is coming to an end.

Maybe I need a tarantula after all. Or maybe a couple. But then, do you have to worry about spaying and neutering? Oh, there is always some hidden vet bill, I'm certain...

Sigh. Let's face this. A spider is not a dog. It's not a bird. It's just a spider. It walks. It eats. It does its bathroom thing. You will probably have to clean its cage. People, when they get a whiff of your house, will not look at you knowingly, and ask if you own a tarantula...

I'm sure that there are other advantages, as well.