- Education and Science
About the Brain Behind From My Brain
I really don't like having to do these Bio's. Because I always feel like I look like I am complaining or bragging.
My life has had some really difficult times and some joyous times the lows were very low and the highs were beyond my hopes and dreams.
Just know that I am generally happy and have a positive outlook on the world.
So Who Are You?
One of the hardest questions to answer in my opinion is "Who are you?".
I have often told myself that I am only an observer here because I have never really fit in. I may have played a part that made it look like I was fitting in but from my point of view I was just acting.
When hanging with the boys I feel awkward because of how they talk about women. When I am with the women I feel awkward because of they way they talk about women. It's either Rape-ish or Bitchy, doesn't anyone get along with people any more?
So who am I? I am the Conundrum wrapped up in a Enigma I will never fit in and I don't think I want too.
I grew up in an age were we were so tough we had clown's at our birthday party's.
It was also a time when you could beat the crap out of your children and no one would say a word.
So I general I had a normal childhood for the times. Well sort of.
I did have surgery the day I was born. Then Seven times after that. All for the same problem and never to a successful conclusion.
I have a separate blog about my surgeries so I am not going to go over that here.
I grew up with three siblings and I was the youngest. That has it's own advantages and disadvantages. Like when something goes bad you can say not me and point to the younger child. But because we did not have a dog I didn't have anyone to point too. But when people were coming at you it was good to have family.
Growing Up Fast
When I was fourteen years old my parents bought a restaurant in What was at the time Hideaway Park Colorado and is now Winter Park Colorado.
I worked in the restaurant when I wasn't in school and I got paid every so often when there was enough money left over to pay me a little.
It was an amazing place to go live. the mountain's were awe inspiring and could make you feel as though you were sitting in front of God. Those beautiful mountains could also kill you in an instant if you got too full of yourself.
The small town thing was an adjustment. There were more children in my music class at my old school then there were in the entire Freshman class of my new school.
Because I had some problem were I couldn't go too long without getting into trouble. It was always on me because I did something stupid that had no reason for being done. I guess I was trying to get noticed or something I still don't know why I did somethings.
So right on cue I got in to trouble shortly after me moved to our new home town. I was a little to big to take a beating and my parents just couldn't decide what too do with me.
Some how they decided I was going to work on the local ranch as my punishment. So for my punishment I didn't have to work for my parents and I was actually going to get paid. Score?
Or so I thought. Working on the ranch was as hard as I thought it would be and it actually went better than I would have thought for a city kid like me. Then Haying season.
We would work from sun up until the afternoon rains came. Every morning we would run a hay crimper over the hay we wanted to bail that day so that it would dry fast enough to put in bails that day.
then one day the ranch boss told me to go crimp the hay and he was going to get breakfast at my parents restaurant.
By the time he came back I was walking through the field toward town. I had gotten my foot caught in the hay crimper and it had burned all the flesh off of my right foot.
In an instant all my hopes and dreams were destroyed. I didn't even have my drivers license yet. Suddenly my dreams of joining the Navy and becoming a helicopter pilot were gone without a hope.
I ended up losing five toes on my right foot because of that accident but I grew up real fast.
the Hay Crimper
Finding A Direction
It was about a year after my accident that I dropped out of high school and moved out of my parents house. It might be the only promise to myself I have kept but that day I promised my self I would never spend another night under their roof.
With some help from others I got a studio apartment in Denver Colorado. I had 27 days to come up with rent and I did not have a job yet. I got a couple of jobs and made my rent. Then by the time that lease was up I was old enough to sign a lease on my own.
I was working as a bookkeeper at a bank and working at a restaurant. I was at the bank for three years before the banking industry started tanking. Although I had been there three years I had the least amount of seniority out of all the people in my department so I was one of the first to go. A year or so later the entire bank closed and seniority no longer mattered.
The economy in Denver was tanking and it was hard to make money so I moved to Texas. The savings and loan disaster was happening and banks were not hiring so I decided restaurants were where it was at. Starting a thirty five year stay in the restaurant business.
I started working at cooperate restaurants affording me the opportunity to work in a lot of different towns and eventually taking to me California for two years before I returned to Colorado.
When Tragady Becomes The Norm
Everybody has tragedy in their life. Some more than others. I had already had my share but losing my toes was just another bump on the road.
Me saying I love you has proven to be a dangerous thing. Almost every girl friend I have ever had has been removed by from the planet. I was never close enough to have had anything to do with it but sometimes I can't help but think if i had been there things would be different.
My elementary school friend died in an airplane crash, not much i could have done if I was there. My next girl friend died in a car accident, I would most likely also be dead if I was actually there.
Another girlfriend was killed in a bombing at a London train station. We were not actually boy and girl friend at the time. But we were still very good friend, so much so I was best man at her wedding.
Then there were the two girl friends that killed themselves. Apparently both because of me. one I left in Texas, I didn't think we had that much of a relationship because she was dating someone else at the time. So when I went to California I took my heart and everything else with me.
Four months later I was told she committed suicide. I called her mother and was told that she left a note. In that note she said she had missed her one chance at true love and because I was never coming back she might as well be dead.
After that phone call I never spoke of her or what happened again.
My other girlfriend that committed suicide and I had broken up because she was a junkie and just couldn't keep clean. I couldn't live like that and moved out of the house.
Then one day out of the blue she calls me and says word for word what the last girlfriend wrote in her letter. I didn't remember ever speaking about her ever but I figured I must have told her about it.
Because she was using the very same words that were written in a previous letter I decided she was just trying to manipulate me into coming back. I told her no way and never just because she is trying to blackmail me. The next morning she was dead.
Then if that wasn't enough I was engaged to be married. We had been together for several years and engaged for more than a year. She wasn't moving forward in getting married and I thought she just didn't want to marry me.
When we met she had a daughter that was just learning to walk and was still in diapers. I helped raise that little girl and we loved each other very much. She called me Daddy and I called my daughter.
But I got scared because we were not getting married fast enough I left them. I moved to London and got a job as a Banquet Chef. At the end of my first day the Bobbie stopped by and told me my daughter had been killed in a car accident.
So when my housed burned down several years later I was well equipped to handle it.
Help Is Out There
My wife and I met in what was at the time one of the top three cult's in the world. We got kicked out because they didn't want us to date and we were not very good sheep.
We got married as the Sun was rising on Garden of the Gods in Colorado. There were bunnies and deer as well as other wildlife in attendance. Other than the Pastor that married us their was only one other person there.
Before we got married I had explained that I had surgeries when I was a child and that the doctors told me the only way I would ever have a child was with artificial insemination. So we agreed that she would stop taking birth control because the negative health effects and the lack of reason. Two months later she was pregnant.
I had a brief moment of doubt but when that kid was born there was no doubt he was my kid. He looked just like me and God bless him acts way to much like me.
It was impossible that I could be a father naturally but I am. We had not planned on being parents but we adjusted rather quickly. We bought a house that we moved into a week before my son was born and started nesting as we should.
Totally unexpected but the Blessing has been endless.
Where Are You Now
Life is never what you expect. It might be some version of what you expected but not exactly as you envisioned it.
We moved to Maine for a decade so we could raise our child in a not so city life sort of way. We lived on a farm but it wasn't the country.
Then when it came time for our boy to finish High School and start thinking about college we moved back to Denver. That and it was becoming very hard to make a living in Maine.
For starters my wife's epilepsy was getting worse and she was no longer able to work. Causing me to shut down my social Media Company, I just couldn't get away with working ten and twelve hour days and still be there for her.
I ended up staying home and taking care of things full time. It's not that she cant take care of things but the incredible amount of drugs she has to take to stay alive make it very difficult for her.
I have been a house husband for about three or so years at this point (12/2017). In the beginning I had to discover how I was going to adjust to not working after working ten hour days or more most of my working life.
I got a real feel for why my wife had such a hard time adjusting when they told her she couldn't work anymore. After Getting her masters degree and working her way up she was just rungs from the top of the ladder when she had to stop because the stress of deadlines and such was going to give her a seizure and it might just be the one that kills her.
Deciding between your life's work and being alive to see your son graduate High school sounds like an easy choice. The choice was easy but the actually not working part was beyond depressing.
We have figured out how to make it work and as in any relationship some days are better than others.
I have become an intersex activist. It doesn't do anything to help my bank account but I find it rewarding. Embarrassing at times but rewarding knowing that one day society will look at all people differently. Even though I might not have done much I did do something.
Somebody Should Say Something
I have opinions on everything under, around, behind, and in the middle of the sun. Just ask my wife she will tell you.
She will tell you I am the perfect asshole. I say if telling the truth in all situations make me an nasshole then yes I am an Asshole. She says some times closing my mouth would be better than telling the truth. I agree but that's harder and harder to do everyday.
have you ever been in a situation were someone cuts a line or is otherwise rude to other people. did you say to yourself or the people with you "Someone should say something.".
I am Someone and I say something. If you are in front of me in the 20 or less line with 30 items I am going to say something. If run up to the gate and squeeze in so you don't have to wait in line I will say something. So if that is being an Asshole then Guilty as charged.
One of the worst beating I took as a child came after my mother said " You have an answer for everything don't you?" Thinking that if she ask me a question I better have an answer every time I said "Yes.". So if you ask me a question I will have an answer you might not like it but I will have an answer.
I grew up listening to Alan Berg on KOA radio in Denver. I liked his style because he would argue any point from any side. if you agreed with him he would tell you why you shouldn't if you disagreed with him he would tell you why you should agree with him. No matter what he would provide an opposite and opposing view. All in hopes of making people think deeper than they do.
Many times in my life I have had a conversation with two or more people and with the very same sentence made one person angry and another person laugh. not by accident but very much by design.
I hope to make you question everything you think and to do your own research in an effort to form your opinions.