All the World is a Stage

At one time or another we’ve all been caught in an embarrassing situation. That’s bad enough. However, to have news reporters and TV news cameras record it would be more than most could bear, especially if the circumstance was a really dumb one. But that’s what happened to some of the folks you are about to read about.

In Laguna Gills, California, deputy sheriffs rescued a man stuck inside a hollow tree trunk. Someone heard him screaming for help and notified the authorities. Reports said he was stuck chest deep inside a narrow hole in the trunk, which reached about four or five feet into the ground and it took firemen over an hour to get him out. A spokesman for the Laguna Sheriff’s Department said it was unknown why the man climbed into it in the first place.

Authorities in San Jose, California say they arrested two men operating a hot dog stand after they purchased firearms from them. The sale consisted of a sawed off shotgun, a machine gun several other firearms and a hot dog. The police officers also reported they were selling methamphetamine.

A 22-year old Pennsylvania man was arrested for being drunk in public and indecent exposure. It seems the inebriated imbecile was exposing himself door-to-door until he knocked on the Chief of Police’s door. His excuse was he was there to “scare the children.”

Here’s one for the books…the comic books. A man in Jacksonville, NC entered a convenience store with robbery on his mind and a Spiderman mask on his face. While brandishing a sword the crook demanded the money from the cash register. At first the clerks on duty were taken aback but then sprang into action. One grabbed a broom and pushed the handle end hard into the would-be bandits’ stomach. The other grabbed the Spiderman mask and ripped it off, along with part of the villain’s pony tail. Deputies took him into custody not far from the scene of the attempted crime.

Police in Indiana investigated a case of a man who died from 32 hammer blows to his head. The coroner ruled it suicide. Apparently the man would knock himself unconscious, wake up and knock himself unconscious, wake up and knock himself unconscious…

A German man became the butt of many jokes after unsuccessfully trying to rob a bank. When a guard noted his suspicious behavior he attempted to hide his gun by shoving it into his back pocket. Unfortunately, it went off shooting himself in the left buttock. After being treated for his wounds he was charged with attempted robbery.

Of course that wasn’t too bright, but Police in La Crosse, Wisconsin arrested a man who was even dumber. In an effort to explain why he was robbing a woman at an ATM with a knife he came up with this little gem. He wasn't trying to rob her. He was trying to sell her the knife.

And here is a robbery case easily solved by the constabulary in Leeds, England. Around closing time a man wielding a wooden table leg entered a fast food restaurant and demanded all of the money. However, thinking quickly the manager simply grabbed the deep fryer basket out of the hot grease and hit him across the face with it. The wounded man fled the scene but was shortly after arrested at a nearby hospital. He was the one with the cross marks of a french fry basket burned into his forehead. This one has a good possibility of being nominated for the Darwin Awards.

Cayman Islands authorities had one perhaps even easier to solve. They had a man dial them by mistake thinking it was his drug dealer. When the deputy chief of police answered he found himself playing along and “selling” cocaine. When the man showed up to get his order he was promptly arrested.

This next bungling bandit could have used a pair of good glasses. A Virginia man spent days planning to hold up an armored car. He had it all laid out to the smallest detail. The plan was to make the hit when the vehicle stopped to make a pickup at a local bowling alley. According to schedule a vehicle lumbered up to the bowling alley and stopped. As the driver got out the thief ran up waving a gun and demanded "Give it up!"The driver promptly handed him a large bag. Shortly after making his escape he stopped to see how much he had gotten. That’s when he realized he had robbed a laundry truck. The bag contained nothing but dirty mop heads…how embarrassing.