American History Part 28 -- August, 2011 -- March, 2012

March, 2012

Approximately one leap year to the date of the capture of Osama Bin Laden in Northern Pakistan, Barack Obama would manage to quell the North Korean nuclear threat. In exchange for letting UN inspectors in to search them, they will be given tons and tons of food. Everything I just wrote above was due to a man who is the only person I've ever seen in my life who has to work with a deliberately disloyal and disrespectful staff. Lots of Republicans are okay, but only if they're civilians. American Congress from the time that Obama took office has done nothing but hit the brakes as Obama accelerated. For not one moment has he been allowed to do his job. Not for one day. How George Bush can be allowed to ignore the world without consequence and yet Obama continues to try to engage them in a compromise and come out worse is something that rests squarely on the Democrats. Yes. The Democrats. I didn't go to Harvard Law School. I didn't serve on any senatorial committee. I sure as hell don't know any Latin American money launderers. And yet...I know more then all the Democrats combined. Why? Because this crap you're seeing in Congress is NOTHING NEW. The Republicans are providing ZERO SURPRISES. They are repeating the same agenda they've had since 1974. Add to that, they continue to SELL it the exact same way. The Democrats are exposing their privileged roots by failing to understand that crappy housing developments are given festive names, that slums in South America are painted in pretty colors, and that the most unpatriotic piece of writing ever shat into existence was called the "Patriot Act". When a hate group breaks free of its' youth group ministry origins and wants to spread gay beatings, they don't call their group "Gay Bashers For America". They call themselves something like "Family First".

As I meet new friends on facebook, I am always encountered by unjustified egomanics and loveless honeymooners who spend upwards of four hours at a time debating people like me only to lose and spend the following mornings in a feverish rage delivering a responding thread containing a f*cking 3,000-word thesis about how Obama's the worst president in history (true story). Republican Congress's thoroughly childish and intentionally intimidating display over the budget last year, (waaaaa we can't figure out the math homework you elected us to do), would lead to many members of America's youth realizing something almost genius -- if you keep giving the richest 1 percent all our shit, you will do more then break us, you will cause a worldwide economic shit-still. You can't keep doing that, over and over again, because you are trapping money under the concrete walls of banks. Several million upper-middle-class college-age kids in the year 2011 began to realize that money taken out of circulation by people who won't need it until long after it's been inherited several times over...leads to the U.S. Treasury printing more and more money. And thus, the value of the dollar drops when the rich get every single tax break for eight years straight. A smart man doesn't immediately rush out to spend that money, he lets it sit. They also realized that Congressmen only make about 100K a year...which means that the overwhelming majority of them are shareholders and investors in actual existing companies...therefore it is not out of the scope of sanity to assume that most of the b*llshit things they propose, most of the motivations for stalling and filibustering Obama at every turn, comes not only out of a desire to make Obama look bad, but to SEE PROFITS FOR THESE COMPANIES. Thus began what was referred to as the "Occupy Wall Street" movement...

During the late fall of 2011, tens of thousands of people in cities all across America began camping out in public parks as close to downtown commerce as they could. The fact that the Republicans thought they could "Occupy Toilets" in order to discourage these people from standing out there all day...proves just how little they know about the descendants of people who used to shit in their hand just to fling it at Nixon's bedroom window. The Occupy Wall Street has been infiltrated not only by Black Separatist gangs (think white hate gangs but black), but by spies from Homeland Security. Frank Miller, author of several successful graphic novels for DC Comics, ripped the occupiers a new one, daring to cite their "delusional hippy nostalgia" as if it wasn't delusional hippy nostalgia that made him a best selling author to begin with.

Yet it turns out that the occupiers are missing a grand point, and it would be illustrated in their use of the "we are the 99 percent" motto. This is an example of why people hate that kid from the freecreditreport.com commercials. When you make yourself out to be 99 percent, conversely making your enemy out to be among the 1 percent, what do you think you're telling chicks? That these opponents are NOT ultra special? This is why the Republicans are so frustrating...because they cultivate all the horrible asshead traits of a person that gets them laid -- for instance, they turn them into walking imitations of girls' fathers thereby netting all those women out there with daddy issues. They turn them into people who resent people without jobs. I'd marry a guy like that if I was a standard, insecure woman. See? There's a reason why the Republicans now think they can win an election by thoroughly berating women...many women in these American versions of Iran will defend their way of life on the grounds that "men must be men, women must be women." It used to be that people got into stuff like this in ORDER to get laid. Now people are getting into this without even considering it, and this will basically lead to many of them wondering what the point was. That's the problem -- many Americans might get behind something where getting laid isn't the ultimate goal...but they'll be damned to be part of something that makes them LESS likely to get laid.

Chapter 2 -- Stuff More Fun That Doesn't Matter That Much

One person who apparently has had no problem getting laid was a former assistant coach at Penn State named Jerry Sandusky. As Wall Street saw themselves flooded with protestors, Penn State's student body would riot over the fact that Joe Paterno would be fired for being able to look a guy in the face for years who he knows may be indicted for f-cking little boys in the lockerroom shower. It provided the American public with all kinds of new opportunities to look pious and holy...tweets all day long about the fact that "I find child abuse wrong!". It was a thought-provoking analysis that so completely was worth our f-cking time.

Then, perhaps over the despair of only garnering 500,000 votes to make abortion illegal throughout their beloved state of Mississippi, the religious wrong would pollute both football and basketball to a degree that even baseball hadn't seen. For the winter of 2011-2012 would bring us the emergence of Tim Tebow, quarterback of the Denver Broncos, who would slowly win me over. I used to think it was really selfish the way he prays by himself and gives credit to God when his teammates are thoroughly out of both the media and praying circle...but WOW does Tim Tebow play gritty. And considering he has detractors from every corner and he will NEVER succomb to them is very very cool. But it has taken away from my affection for the savoir of my New York Knicks...because Jeremy Lin has professed the urge to be just like Tim Tebow, and if he does, the NBA will not only be a dead league...they will be a tragically uncool one.

The media was very funny in its' handling of Jeremy Lin. If you check your e-mail, then you're familiar with yahoo.com's perpensity to not only present opinions as facts, but their insistent desire to be f-cking comedians. Several top African-American copy writers were amazed to discover that "chink" wasn't appropriate, even if they wrote it. References to Mrs. Lin getting two inches of pleasure? Wow. How about this one -- Jeremy Lin scores 28 points tonight, Wal-Mart got to keep 27 of them. Ah? I'm a funny guy right? Pwwwwwwww.

Yet we would also see the first non-Tim-Tebow dynasty in sports. The Alabama Crimson Tide, coached by Nick Saban and led by showstoppers Trent Richardson, Marquis Maze and Courtney Upshaw, would head into an early-November regular season game at home against LSU, both 9-0, #1 visiting #2. Their defenses would beat the living shit out each other's offenses the whole game. We go into overtime tied at 6. It is then on Alabama's first possession of that extra period that Nick Saban inexplicably has Richardson run on 2nd and 10 and 3rd and 11, just as he had done three previous times in regulation, resulting in their placekicker Cade Foster to miss four field goals from 900 yards out. LSU would come away from this Week 10 game still undefeated, and take the final three games of November...

Yet...so did Alabama...

As Oklahoma State and Stanford collected their single losses as well, Alabama was suddenly the #2 team in the country again due to the fact that LSU had steamrolled every one else while barely escaping the Tide. For that month of December, Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron would grow, learn, and get ready for a rematch against LSU...

And in that national championship game in January, he was terrific.

LSU's offense completely stalled, and LSU's defense couldn't handle McCarron and Richardson even with Maze injured. Alabama won their second national championship in three years. Roll Tide.

Then Whitney Houston died, and not a single mention was given to her one good song -- "Love Will Save The Day". No. Instead, we were treated to five million hackneyed references to "I Will Always Love You".

Then came the Oscars, which had the same two agendas it always did: Be politically correct to a fault, and make Martin Scorsese look stupid.

Scorsese, who has only won an Oscar for "The Departed", would once again watch Thelma Shoonmaker, Dante Ferreti, and Robert Richardson get recognized and rewarded like they always do. This is a way of sticking it to a man they don't like...cast a spotlight on the fact that he has the world's greatest helpers.

I should have been able to predict so easily that Meryl Streep would win for the Iron Lady...because there was absolutely nothing at all marketable about that film except for Streep...and when you're talking about the Oscars as Hollywood's opportunity to make up for sinking investments...hmmm...

And of course the event was highlighted by Billy Crystal doing a Sammy Davis Jr. impersonation and everyone calling it racist, because that's what race has become in this country -- a bunch of racists accusing each other of being bigots. How else do you explain any real discussion about race turning into this --

One Idiot: A black cat crossed his path or something, because Obama's approval rating has dropped.

The Other Idiot: Why can't it be a white cat? You're racist!

And that's how far people who actually get paid for their thoughts can take this argument.

Lord help us when we need their objective analysis concerning the way this election's going to get stolen from Barack Obama.