Cartier's Brilliance would be Challenged by this Tiny Creature

Cartier's Brilliance Would be Challenged by this Tiny Creature

This ageing but eternally optomistic scribe has been active on a large dating site for some years. There has been few dates and they proved to be disatrous and costly! Recently, a quite attractive woman replied favourably and we have been emailing for a coupla months. This is rare. Good looking women shopping these meat-markets get so many emails from men of all ages, it's the Brad Pitts that find their way to the top and us plain blokes to the other part of the pile. Yes, women are just like us: youth and beauty is their aspiration, too, (money? that too).
But imagine that to get a mate you had to acquire a backside tattoed in all the colors of the rainbow; the jumping ability of a 200 pound flea and the willingness to lose your life in the pursuit of love and procreation!
The more intuitive of my readers will be thinking, "aha! I smell an Arachnid in this article." And you would be right.
One of natures most beautiful creatures, take center stage.
Just like the priceless jewels, size does not rule magnificence nor value. If Cartier was able to produce the Peacock Jumping Spider, (M. volans), it's delicacy and incredible coloration using precious stones, they would have made a jewel worth millions. But it might not be true to life: today's little lothario is about the size of a grain of rice!
The male and female are about the same size. As is common is spiders, the female may try to 'eat her swain before or after mating. (Ponder on this, dating site gigolos, is the human female so different towards the unattractive or impotent lover?...you horny lot play with the definition of "eat" I'm busy).
The tiny, red, blue and black male spider lifts his abdomen and, cobra-like, flips the flaps of skin out into a white-edged, circular shape of many brilliant colors. He then cautiously approaches his heart's desire, clapping his legs, dancing, waving the "hood" (opisthosomal flaps).
If the female remains unimpressed by this exhibition, she may suddenly launch herself at the male and attempt to plunge her fangs into him, killl and devour him, (sexual cannibalism). (Goodness, Byron would have loved this, did he write this with spiders in mind?...I attempt a quote, "You love but once in life, and this is the last time")
If she is interested, she will allow the successful seducer to jump aboard and do what evolution has programmed most male creatures to do; most live through the coupling, (Hugh Hefner reached his nineties, RIP!). As the little male reaches orgasm or finishes his mating procedure in the spider way, he may be seen taking a huge leap from the female's back before she can overpower him and say "thanks, my love" by having him for lunch.
The male Peacock Spider is fortunate in one way, the female is the same size; often in spiders the female is many times larger and heavier than her poor impregnator and killing him after the conquest is a trivial affair.
All spiders are venomous. This chap is found in many parts of Australia only and not dangerous to humans as its tiny fangs could not penetrate our skin. Besides, all its thinking of is seduction and living to repeat the process.