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Who's Cheating Who
A Vicious Cycle
"Cheats live in darkness and thrive on lies. Nothing good comes out of them"-mequote
There are many kinds of cheats, from bigtime to smalltime. It is common to men, women, children, rich, poor, ugly, beautiful, every race and every color. No one likes to be betrayed. But it happens, even to the best of us.
Ok, i got cheated on early in life, and man, it hurt. I thought i lost my innocence the night i lost my virginity to the man who became the father of my child. I was wrong. I lost my innocence when i found out that i was being cheated on by someone who i thought adored me, and only me. Everything i believed about true love, trust and faithfulness went to the dogs, overnight! That's all it takes folks, to change how you perceive life and love, both at the same time. Yippiroo, you will never be the same. Talk about going nuts! I went into a rollercoaster nightmarish ride, from near insanity, sleeplessness, anxiety, confusion and loss of self esteem. I was so broken up, for a long time, it seemed impossible to put all the pieces back. I wanted so much to make a go of the relationship believing the fault may have been mine. That was the biggest lie if ever. It took a lot of soul searching, and the help of loving friends to find my way out of the pit and to see the light. Cheats cheat, period! They have deeper issues, a lack of moral compass and a kind of jadedness. In my case, i realized, it was not so much about me. I was hasty in my choice and i trusted someone who i really didn't know very well. Bottom line was, we were both too immature to deal with things pertaining to marriage. In his case, his insecurity manifested in seeking validation through having affairs. After catching him several times and being lied to, i said 'no more'. I bid him goodbye and swore i would never be cheated on again.
For some, cheating comes like second nature. I know a man who used to prey on married women. He was so good, he could 'smell' an easy target anywhere and eventually have his way. Women who cheated were drawn to him and both understood the rules by which they played. He confessed it was 'fun' to have a string of 'playthings', until he found himself getting bored and sickened by his own depravity. He admitted as well that he was getting less attracted to his conquests, some of who he thought were phony in bed. He gave it up and went on a journey of self discovery becoming a better and decent human being. There is hope for the worst of us. Hallelujah!
I know of a case of a particular woman who is married and continues to carry on with her lover of many years. It makes me cringe just thinking of the ploy by which it all happened, and how naive we were to be sucked into her con game. I refused to believe the rumours about her marrying for convenience as more of a career move. I actually thought this was too insidous and too nasty to be real. You see, i am not one to think unkind of anybody, most especially when i am told 'things are different' and that 'there's been a change of heart'. But the 'proof is in the pudding' and as my husband would tell me, 'actions speak louder than words'. I wish to God, for those of us who know, we are wrong. Yet, i watch how she goes about living a lie and acting like everything is normal. She has become even more pretentious, too caught up with her agenda with no cares about the damage she is causing. One day the lie will be out. It's not a matter of how, but when.
So, what's it like to be a 'cheat'? Ever do it? The pendulum swings ladies and gentlemen, and for all you know, one day you are 'cheating cheetah' incarnate. Hey, when you move and groove in a planet where it's more the norm than the exception, it's easy to get sucked in. You think you're cool, and next thing you know you're doing the very thing you despised that which was done to you. You may hate yourself the first time, then your conscience gets dulled, and with a little more pratice, you can live with youself because nothing bothers you anymore. You're deep into it when you don't care who you're hurting.
The biggest loser in the cheating game is the cheat. That's a fact. They may convince themselves that's not the case, and they will keep at it as long as there are those who fall prey to their wiles. I know women who are aware it's happening right under their pretty noses, but they are trapped by their own stupidity and weakness. Well, here's the score. Cheats only cheat on themselves. They think they are getting away with fooling people, but they are actually fooling themselves. They are described as bilks, con artists, cozeners, deceivers, defrauders, fraudsters, grifters, scammers, sharks, swindlers, tricksters and victimizers. If you are cheating, give it up. You're folly will catch up with you and the price is too great to pay. If you don't know you are cheating, but you are, you need help. It's like addiction, a bondage and you need to be freed. If you are being cheated, you are a victim. Seek help as well. Victims can suffer devastation, trauma and depression. There are ways to recover.
Here are some signs your partner may be cheating on you:
- A sudden and suspicious change in his/or her daily routine.
- Your spouse is more vain, working out all of a sudden and overly concerned about their appearance.
- He or she begins to dress differently, wearing clothes that are not age appropriate.
- Your spouse is working more overtime or coming home later than usual.
- You see strange phone numbers on the phone bill.
- He or she is being secretive about cell phone calls.
- He or she has become more withdrawn emotionally and intimately.
- He/she is spending more time on the computer.
- You sense a lot of anger toward things that normally would not bother your spouse.
Common excuses for cheating...
"God is not mocked, we reap what we sow"-Jesus Christ
Recovery and Repair
- Infidelity Recovery and Repair - Truth About Deception
Information and resources for dealing with the discovery of deception and infidelity.