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College Essay Blunders

Updated on September 2, 2015

American colleges and universities are teaching those that will be the intellectual giants of our country’s future. Let’s all pray the students who came up with the following college essay blunders aren’t put in charge of anything. The examples listed here may be amusing, but keep in mind those who wrote them will be tomorrow’s aspiring leaders. Here are a few representing just the tip of the iceberg.

There’s one who answered how they would describe themselves using a single word “…that word would have to be profectionist." Then there’s the guy who wanted to be bilingual in “three or more languages.” Perhaps they should take an English class first.

Spelling errors on these essays also run rampant as the following clearly show.

“I am serving as writting editor of the yearbook.” This may well have been the same one who made the horror role and was abducted into the National Honor Society and came from a stale family. Or maybe even the one who felt playing the saxophone would develop techniques and skills “…which will help me in the future, since I would like to become a doctor.”

Then there are those desiring to point out their moral values on college admission essays like the one who has “… sustained from the use of drugs, alcohol and tobacco products.” They probably sat next to the one who wrote they had been “…a strong advocate of the abomination of drunk driving.”

A few history courses might also be in the offing for those giving us these candid glimpses into the past:

  • The crusades were fought in plasticine.
  • Joan of Arc was burned because they thought she was a witchess.
  • When Henry the 1st died he was survived by two children, a daughter Matilda, and a niece Stephen.
  • The Magna Carta provided that no free man could be hanged twice for the same offense.
  • William the 3rd came to the throne by the Act of Circumcision.
  • Castlereagh shot himself with a pen knife.
  • The government of England is a limited mockery. (monarchy?)
  • Benjamin Franklin died in 1790, and is still dead. (Ya think?)

Mistakes like these may be humorous but no more than those who use the wrong word to describe what they mean. Take these amusing examples:

  • A barrister is a thing put up to keep crowds back.
  • Cadet: One who carries a golfer’s clubs.
  • Many older cars were equipped with a corroborator.
  • Molecules have two autumns.
  • Barbarians are small round steel balls used to make things run smoothly.
  • In Olympic games they hurled the biscuits.
  • Ancient Egyptians wrote in hydraulics.
  • Hostage: Big Australian bird with a long neck.
  • There are many eligible (edible) fish in the North Sea.
  • To germinate is to become a naturalized German citizen.
  • An oxygen has eight sides.
  • Centimeter: An insect with a hundred legs.
  • Liter: a nest of baby puppies or kittens.
  • Polygon: a man with several wives.
  • Atomic weights are used for weighing atoms.
  • Coroner: Physician who decides whether someone died a natural or a fatal death. Or one who crowns the King.

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    • collegeplanner profile image

      Susie Watts 4 years ago from Denver, Colorado

      As a private college counselor, I read a lot of college essays. I'm not sure any of them can top these blinders.

      College Direction

      Denver, Colorado

    • JY3502 profile image
      Author

      John Young 4 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      Maybe they do...but not the guy who wrote that definition.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      A Coroner is one who crowns a King? Now that fellow has promise!

    • JY3502 profile image
      Author

      John Young 4 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      I had fun putting it together.

    • wingedcentaur profile image

      William Thomas 4 years ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things!

      Quite a gem, John Young. Quite a gem!

      Thanks for the laugh. Voted up!

    • JY3502 profile image
      Author

      John Young 4 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      Yup! Be afraid....very, very afraid.

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 4 years ago from Upstate New York

      Really funny...and these folks are COLLEGE BOUND???!!! Yikes!