Depression/Suicide – The Dark Side
There are days that can best be described as “dark”, the days when nothing seems possible, everything is hopeless, the end is surely near. Your mind starts to play tricks on you, beginning to justify why your end is the right thing to do, the only thing in fact. Your mind plays through all the positive aspects of ending your life, the kids would be better off, the pain will end, the family will get over it. In addition, you start the “blame game”, purely designed to make people feel guilty…. A kind of “I’ll show him” mentality. If only people had shown an interest, this would never have happened, it's not your fault – but I blame you. Feelings of guilt will also begin to creep in, thoughts of grandma (after all SHE did nothing wrong), the effect it may have on friends and family who are ill-equipped to cope with the death, the weak ones.
During these dark days, or even moments there is little or no chance of reaching out to people, after all, it's their fault. There is a saying that “Misery loves company”, and I would go as far as saying “People are obsessed with misery”. Everyone loves hearing all the drama, the pain, the suffering while having no intent (or means) to actually assist the person involved. It does make a great story, however, and somehow in a rather grim way makes others feel better about their lives.
You can (and should) track these dark days, as they will form a pattern.
Triggers and Causes
This would vary from person to person. It could be as simple as a bad day at work, the cat throwing up on a new carpet or the milk being delivered late. Financial stress, the bills are late and there is NO money. Everyone has those days when they feel unattractive and unfortunately there is no way to avoid them. There will always be someone more attractive than you, more intelligent or wealthy. The comments from others “You could have been born with no limbs”, does in no way make you feel better, in fact only adding guilt (another negative emotion) to your existing fragile thought pattern.
Social Media, while an awesome way to connect with friends and family also has a negative attribute few care to think about. If you have no friends and are feeling lonely, posts of parties and social events are going to make you feel worse. People experiencing financial difficulties – let us just say it’s difficult to be excited about your fried egg sandwich for dinner while scrolling through posts of gourmet foods your “friends” are experiencing at restaurants. Having problems with your kids? The posts of kids excelling (OMG he got all A’s and is now selected to become president) … well, you know where I am going with this. I do not believe that the posters are doing this to be malicious (well, I hope not), however people tend to post the positive, to create this illusion of the “perfect” life. The perfect life that people portray, it is an illusion, perhaps a way of helping them cope.
Online you can be anyone you want, it is a modern escapism technique. People suffering from depression can join a chat room and be whoever they want to. I personally do not think this is a bad thing, and online friends can be more beneficial than real ones. Certainly, the advice and companionship they provide can be comforting, There are masses of people who meet real-life friends from online connections daily with great results.
The Help Available
I am not going to list all the sites on the internet (there are thousands), it is certainly not “one size fits all”. The chat rooms however seemed filled with kids (only helpful if you are a kid I would presume). There are humorous sites, “how to kill yourself” which may seem disrespectful, but serves its purpose, after all who commits suicide laughing?. Online support groups are amazing, you can remain anonymous, like minded people are there to talk to and whilst hidden behind your keyboard you are able to say whatever you like. While your situation may seem unique to yourself, others have experienced the same thing and may have helpful advice for you.
Professional help is something to be considered, perhaps you do have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Medication may, in fact, be the answer, you need to explore that avenue, a simple tablet daily may be all that is required – how easy would that be. There may have been traumatic events in your past that you need assistance with, it is not a sign of weakness. Weakness is not having the courage to face your demons.
Religious help is also something you should consider, irrespective of your religion. If you want pure advice, it is as pure as you will get. The church may not be for everyone, however, if you are religious, join one. The initial service you attend may feel weird, however, over time you will build a family with people you can depend on who have your best interests at heart.
My Tips to Help You Cope
No one is perfect, we all mess up, make mistakes, have regrets – this does not define who you are.
The only thing in life we can for certain rely on is change. Circumstances can change in an instant. If you are feeling depressed or thinking of ending your life, tell yourself you will relook at it in six months. You would be surprised how different your thought processes would be at that date. Nothing is forever, you may be broke today and land your dream job in a year (or win the lotto). I always look ahead, do I really want to be remembered as that grandma who ended her life because I could not pay the power bill, weighed a few extra pounds, was dumped publicly at a restaurant by the then, love of my life.
Intelligent people have these feelings, our minds are working all the time and constantly weighing up the pros and cons. I am not going to tell you what to do, I’m telling you to wait, your actions are ultimately your legacy. How do you want people to remember you?